Please stop talking about your ex, it’s just boring
Unpopular opinion, but none of us care.
It’s perfectly normal for two adults to have an appropriate conversation about their past relationships because yes, it was a massive part of their lives once, or multiple times for some people, but meeting someone for the first time and whining about your ex before someone can say "so, where you from?" is a no-go. You don’t have to see any future or connection with this person but have some manners because this isn’t free therapy. Absolute liberty.
No, not everything that relates to your ex is forbidden in conversation, but think before you speak, at least. I have no doubt that many people have gone through very upsetting and recent experiences with their exes that they haven’t entirely dealt with themselves, but just think to yourself; does the person you’re speaking to now really need to hear it?
By all means, hammer away to your mates or whoever, there are people who care about you and want to support you, but NOT someone you’ve recently started speaking to/meeting up with.
If you’ve met someone else, and it's serious, and you’re still not quite there for whatever reason, and that person agrees to talk about it for you to move on, then that’s your business. However, I have encountered far too many people (both boys and girls), who have started talking to people or dating them, and all that person can do on a first date is hammer on about their ex. We’re still, like, BEST friends, though.
We get that you’re hurting, but it's not our baggage to carry, and we certainly don’t care. If you can’t get over it, and you’re willing to chew a stranger’s ear off about it, then you’re just not ready to date new people. Who really wants to sit there and listen to how great your last relationship was? If you can’t bare it, meet your friends or call your mum to speak about it, idk.
I’ve been told, "why do you let it bother you? Cut the cord and delete their number". Believe me, I have no intention of giving someone the time of day if all they want to do is bang on. Sometimes you’re not even looking for a relationship or anything even remotely serious, just getting to know people or having a fling is fun and fills a void, but even then, why someone would be patient enough to listen to someone whining about someone else is beyond me. And yeah, they’re just not over it and don’t know how to deal with it, and they probably don’t even know that by banging on about it they're rude and boring. They probably plunged themselves into casual dating again thinking it would help them get over it and they just haven’t; a few drinks later and you can see the wounded dog look in their eyes begin to emerge. No, I don’t want to know how attractive or caring your ex is.
I’m not saying it's not okay to be open about your feelings, especially if something has hurt you, but it's when the comments are obnoxiously rude and unnecessary. You’re not usually my type, I mean, have you SEEN my ex? *whips out ex’s Instagram showing a beautiful blonde with 4000 followers* (my friend is brunette, so yeah, universes apart).
Also, save it for later. Please don’t drag this innocent stranger into your emotional shit-show; it’s not their fault you’re not actually ready to move on.
One time I was going through my emails from my lecturers and some guy emailed me a track he made, which was named after his ex and the subject was "love". Like dude, I’m trying to answer my sodding emails. I have no idea how he even got my email address; it was probably something to do with iCloud (we’re not friends now). I couldn’t even hear the bloody words when he was spitting bars, probably because his lip was wobbling too much.
There’s a simple answer to all of this; they’re not emotionally ready to act accordingly in front of new people (clearly), and that’s normal. However, can we not agree that at our big age, such whining and behaviours are unwanted and boring?