I replied to Tinder boys with the exact same responses for two months
If they’re going to be unoriginal, so am I
So, you were one of the few that came to uni with a boyfriend. A private school boy from Surrey, or a hottie in his pre-fuckboy stage. However, that relationship lasted as long as your academic motivation. Whether it was distance or someone’s inability to keep it in their pants; you’re back on the market.
But the game has changed. No one you meet is cute anymore, and you can’t be dating that boy in your lectures. Who really has time for a full face of makeup before a 9am? Plus, mum has always said not to shit where you eat. Obviously in more mum-like terms.
Enter the dating apps. Tinder for a shag, Bumble for a coffee, Hinge for a husband. While there’s flexibility in your use of the app, the conversations are less so. Every conversation follows the same route, with the same questions asked, and identical innuendoes.
In fact, the same responses can be sent to every chat. So I decided to reply with the same 6 answers on Tinder for two months and the results were incredible.
Save yourself some time and have these ready to go instead. Your effort would be way better spent satisfying yourself, considering no Tinder date is getting close to doing that.
First answer: 'Human Geography, 4th year, essentially colouring in'
Every boy, whether as their opening statement, or as the follow up to their incredibly tragic GIF, will ask the classic “what subject, and what year?” I added the colouring in once I got bored of having to explain what my degree consisted of.
2. 'Crazy golf for a crazy gal'
The inevitable question being "what’s your ideal date?" Unsurprisingly, this won’t be followed with a potential day and time for said date.
3. 'Snapchat – you wish mate.'
How else are they going to send dick pics if they don’t have you on Snapchat?
4. 'No, I did not fall from heaven, and I doubt you lost your phone number'
Whilst the chat up lines will differ, the desire to shut them down will not. Plus, mugging off over-confident boys is far too fun. The latest in need of a shutdown: “Do you like Coca Cola…cause you are sodalicious”. Cheers Tom for that LUSH line.
5. 'Are you seriously asking that?'
While this takes some balls, and isn’t the route for everyone, it will probably be necessary at some point. This can follow stupid questions: what vegetable sums up you? How many babies are we having? Are you a posh Surrey snob?
Yes, these have all been asked.
6. 'I like holding hands with my feet'
If they’re as uncreative as your seminar leaders, they’ll ask the classic ‘tell me something about yourself that no one else knows’. If you’re brave enough, you’ll answer with honesty. Warning: anything involving feet will probably result in a ghosting. In some cases, you’ll want that.