Welcome to Leeds freshers, here are the people you’re going to meet

You’ll be a Hyde Park wanker soon


Whether it was your first choice, insurance option or literally the only uni that would take you – congratulations, you've made it Leeds and you're about to have one hell of a freshers.

You'll drop your bags off in some overpriced halls with an ensuite, mouldly kitchen and realise you've already wasted your entire student loan. Your mum's gonna cry, your dad's gonna tell you about the time he passed out in a field, and then you'll meet the students.

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The philanthropist who throws the wildest parties and somehow passes it off as a good deed

Only in Hyde Park will you be invited to the "Pink Pussy Party", which at first you think sounds incredibly predatory and terrifying, but then you realise it's actually to raise money for a volunteering trip in Africa. Yep, that's right. We may all look like pretentious posh twats, but we can be charitable and we can do it in style.

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Southerners, southerners and, oh wait, more southerners

But isn't Leeds in Yorkshire? Yes it is, but trust me you won't hear a Yorkshire accent until week seven when you expand your Tinder search to 70km as opposed to the restricted 5km, aka just campus.

The city of Leeds may be in the North but Uni of is planted firmly in the South. You'll go to Warehouse and I guarantee every boy you meet will be from "just outside of London" because apparently Leeds is the "cool Northern uni".

The girls in camou trousers and sequin bandeaus rolling through the farmers market with vegan stickers on their bikes

Stereotypical Uni of students? Yes.

So unbelievably accurate? Yup.

In freshers week, you'll probably think they look like they've just bought the whole of Urban Outfitters, including the mens section. And you'll be stood there in jeans and a nice top – MissGuided or Boohoo, undoubtedly -and you'll probably even give heels ago.

Sequins, glitter, puffa jacket

Until you hit week five when you've made some cool friends from London (I'm telling you, it's a thing) and they're rocking the fishnet tights and pink glasses in the club and you realise that they look fucking wicked.

So off you go, blow through your entire student loan in Blue Rinse or UO and are thereby christened as a Leeds Uni student.

The conservative politics student who didn't get into Oxbridge and will never let you forget it

They'll turn every conversation into a political debate, no matter how many times you argue that you're not interested.

Ran out of pesto? Well, maybe you shouldn't vote for Jeremy Corbyn.

Buying tequila shots? Corbyn wouldn't approve of your reckless spending.

Forgot to do your washing up? You're disgusting. Just like Corbyn.

The fit one you stalked on the Charles Morris group chat before freshers even started

Admit it, we all do it. As soon as results day is over and you've been added to thirteen different group chats, it's game time. You finally found some posh boy from Manchester, who's just returned from Thailand and studies economics.

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Charles Morris wanker right there.

But buckle up freshers, because if you think the Charles Morris fit boy is going to be your first boyfriend – you are mistaken. You'll learn the phrase "Charles Morris wanker" for a reason.

The placement kids from a far away land called 'not Leeds uni' and yet, still live in Hyde Park and show up to Fruity

You'll be in Terrace and they'll be the ones in skinny jeans, a Tommy jumper and Vans. Your gals will freak out because holy shit, there are men in normal clothes and they don't look like they haven't showered for five days because they were bombing every drug in existence.

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Defo placement or Beckett boys.

You go introduce yourself and they respond, "I'm on placement. I'm from Birmingham."

Welcome to Leeds University, ladies and gents.

Photo credits: No Curfew Events Leeds facebook page, Pryzm facebook page

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