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Everything you can do this Valentine’s day instead of crying into a tub of ice cream because nobody loves you

Crying in the shower isn’t the only thing you can do on your own this V day


Its that time of year again, couples post cute pictures of how perfect their little lives are and how much they love each other. Cringe, I know. Don't fret though, we've got you covered with everything you can do to make those 'happy' couples jealous.

Cry in the shower

Look, I know I said there's more stuff you can do, but what better way to start off than with the old classic. You'll be crying about how nobody is every going to love you anyway so you might as well do it in the shower, then you can't tell if you're crying and if you really concentrate, the water feels like someone massaging you. Because yes, you are that lonely and pathetic.

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Standard procedure

Drink away the pain

Want to forget about the void inside you that hasn't been filled with love since your last breakup? Of course you do. Time to get absolutely shit-faced and black out, because what's worth remembering about spending Valentine's day by yourself?

Pick your poison, and pick lots of it. Probably best if you do it at home, then nobody has to see you sob into your quadruple vodka and coke.

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Pretend you don't care

What's sadder than being single on V day? Being single and pretending everything is fine whilst you die on the inside. Light a candle, pour yourself some wine, and order 2 pizzas so the delivery guy doesn't think you're some absolute freak having a romantic candlelit dinner for 1 (p.s. you are). Unironically pick a rom-com to cry yourself to sleep to and call it a night.

Stalk your ex's social media

Nobody to spend this special day with? Not to worry! Stalking your ex's Facebook is just as good as being with them! Try not to crush your phone as you scroll past the photo they've just posted, enjoying a spontaneous trip to Paris with their new boy/girlfriend. Think back on all the great times you had and wonder why you broke up with them in the first place, before making a drunk call at 4am that you'll regret in the morning.

Find another lonely heart

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I'm sure Tinder's usage must go through the roof on Valentine's day, because you'll be one of the millions of people looking desperately for a hookup to fill the void, at least temporarily anyway. V day is on a Wednesday this year, which means the sports teams will be out, and they'll be even more desperate than usual. Find somebody, have uninspiring sex, wonder how you ever got here in the first place, regret everything.

Hide

Curl up into a ball, throw the covers over your head and don't move for the day, it'll be over before you know it. You'll be just as single as before, but at least you won't feel bad for doing something embarrassing out of desperation.

Stare at some water

Dramatically stare out over the waves (or the puddle) and wonder what could have been. Seems to work in the movies, might as well give it a shot.

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Plenty of fish and all that

Or you could just bawl into a tub of Ben & Jerry's watching Bridget Jones for the 4th year in a row. Each to their own.