Every dating term you’ve most definitely used to describe ‘that guy’ in your group chat

Find the seed, find true love

So you're ready for your first Tinder date – you've prepped the awkward silence questions, chosen an outfit that settles just between slutty and slighlty less slutty and announced your Tinder success to the group chat.

You keep the chat updated throughout the date. After all, if you date one, you date the entire group.

But is there a seed? Is he a ken doll? Have you sufficiently cushioned yourself? Let's find out.

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Ken doll theory

Every friendship group has one – the funny nice guy, the one your parents would actually approve of and your friends already prefer over you. It doesn't matter if he's hot, smart or popular, because for some reason you just don't want to jump him at Fruity or send him the classic, "you up?"

Maybe you value your friendship too much… or maybe, he's a ken doll: goodlooking but missing a dick.

The ultimate friend zone.

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The seed

You've been on one Tinder date, he's kinda hot but you're fairly sure the attraction stems more from his funny personality than good looks. Your friends grill you with: "stop being so vain", "maybe you should go for personality this time","omg will you just give this one a chance!"

He's a nice guy, you reallllyyy want to like him. You're just not sure the seed of attraction is there.

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So you go on the second date with a mission to find any trace of sexual attraction. If there's a seed, the attraction can grow and the dating can continue. However, the end of the date is approaching and all you're thinking about is whether he's going to lean in for a kiss because the thought REPULSES you. That's when you know gals, there is no seed.

If there is no seed of attraction, there is no tree of sex, love or whatever you're looking for.

The ick

This usually rolls around on the third date. The flirtation was 10/10 on the first date but on the second…you accidently fell into eachother's gentials. Don't get me wrong, sometimes sex doesn't ruin things but sometimes, it most definitely does.

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So the third date hits and you're both trying to decide whether you're fuck buds or romantically into eachother…who the fuck knows. Let's be honest, 7/10 times it's gonna be the former.

It's a bit awkward, no one knows where they stand and the communication is drastically failing. Your messages are few and far between and you're actually starting to irritate eachother. It's the ick.

First date was great. Second was weird. Third… I guarantee you're already texting a new Tinder boy everytime he goes to the toliet.

Sometimes you just can't fight The Ick! #LoveIsland

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Cushioning

It's not snakey, cheating or characteristic of a fuck girl. It's survival.

You're starting to really like Tinder boy #17, but you're scared of catching feels because everytime you like one of them, it goes to shit. So you're talking to a couple side dicks, keeping them there just in case boy #17 reveals his dark secret and you need an emergency rebound fuck. Or, you just use them as a preventative measure to stop major feels and heartbreak all together. Genius, I know.

Ghosting

The texts quickly dwindle from immediate replies to two days later to non existent. You're not into it. He's not into it. But it never officially ended.

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Ghosting is a time waster – if you're not into it, just tell them. Either say it plainly that you think they're dull, or unmatch. Simple.

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