We asked three Leeds girls to review some Leeds boys’ Tinder profiles
The truth hurts
Using Tinder in Leeds can be a fun way to meet interesting new people. But let’s be real, it’s often more trouble than it’s worth trying to find attractive guys with semi-decent profiles. We want to change that.
So, we figured that the boys of Leeds could also use some pointers to help improve their Tinder game. After all, it would be cruel to deprive them of our wisdom.
I got together my housemates and asked them what they really thought about some Leeds boys’ Tinder profiles.
P.S. all the guys participated willingly. Promise.
Profile 1 – Rowan
I don’t know if this is Rowan’s intention, or if I just watch far too many Disney Channel original movies, but I’m getting some serious HSM 1 vibes from the first photo. New Year’s Eve. The ski lodge. Karaoke. You know what I’m talking about. Rowan looks ready to follow in Troy’s immortal footsteps by showcasing his karaoke expertise in a huge, beautiful, romantic display that captures the hearts of a whole generation. Could this be the start of something new? Could he be the Troy to my Gabriela? Probably not. Troy would know better than to ever wear double denim. Seriously Rowan, what’s with the outfit in the second photo? We aren’t living in the 90s anymore.
Rowan is obviously fully exploiting his talents to get a girl. It’s a tactical move, but one I’ll happily fall for. Every girl loves musicians. And even if he’s shit, I’ll probably never hear him sing, so the idea I have of him as a charming, dreamy singer will never be tainted.
He lists his anthem as ‘Clare de Lune’, a classical piano piece. I’m a little conflicted over this. On the one hand, it makes him seem like a refined and sophisticated gentleman, who enjoys listening to a Bach symphony with a glass of red wine in hand as he pores over the evening’s newspaper. But, on the other hand, classical music is dead boring.
Also, can we talk about those cheekbones? They could cut someone.
Rowan honey, are you ok? I just want to address the bio for a second. If you’re ‘praying’ for a match you probably need to get out a little more. Do you have anyone you could talk to, friends? Family? Strangers?
The second photo doesn’t do anything to reassure me. You’re posing as if you were out with the squad, but you’re on your own. I’m worried about you Rowan, and it makes me want to swipe right just so I can make sure you’re doing ok.
Profile 2 – Reece
The fact that Reece has taken the courtesy to think about us veggies in his bio is a very good sign. It suggests to me that he’s empathetic and considerate of others; he’s not just looking out for number one. But Reece does seem to be a tad uneducated on veggie culture, because I think I speak on behalf of the veggie community when I say that I would much prefer mozzarella sticks. Who only wants fries?
Despite the Leeds Beckett credentials, Reece’s fancy ensuite suggests that he’s a fancy guy that will only settle for the finer things in life. A communal bathroom is simply not good enough for Reece. He likes things exclusive.
The second photo just confirms my first impression. The glasses make him seem like an intelligent individual who could easily hold up an insightful conversation about the latest global political crisis over dinner with you.
He also has an excessively large clock, so absolutely no excuses for turning up late to dates.
The best type of bribe is always a food bribe. He clearly knows that the best way to a girl’s heart is through her stomach.
It’s nice that you say you want to be happy, but using Drake and Rhianna as an example needs to be updated. Even though they were the talk of the town in early 2017, their on-again, off-again, better-as-friends relationship isn’t the best comparison. It’s a bad omen and it’s confusing. Use a reference that can tell me exactly what your intentions are. Do you want to find true love? A best friend? A quick shag? I can’t tell.
Profile 3 – Todor
Todor has completely gone and one upped every other boy playing the basic ‘I have a cute dog’ card on Tinder. Todor has a horse! He’s definitely a man after my own heart. I’m in love with the little pony. I can’t help picturing all the romantic rides on the beach we could have, racing across the shore with the sun setting behind us. Perfect.
Although, Todor does seem to be a bit uncomfortable on that horse. He looks almost like a mannequin. Toder better not be pretending to like horses just for his profile.
Todor is an interesting name. I googled it and Wikipedia told me it means ‘gift of god’. Could this literally be a match made in Heaven? Has God finally answered my prayers and sent me a gift, a man, a Todor, to relieve me from my lonely existence?
I also like a good bit of sarcasm. Todor’s bio shows that he has a good sense of humour, and reassures me that we are definitely of the same generation. Perhaps we can bond reminiscing about the good old days of BBM, when life was simpler but phones were much shitter.
Todor is the male version of that girl in your secondary school that was way too obsessed with horses.
Profile 4 – Fraser
Now this is a cute guy. This is the kind of gold dust that makes all the hours of swiping left on boring guys, unattractive lads and fuck boys worth it. I appreciate the fact that he’s blunt and direct in his bio. Tall, dark and handsome. That’s all I need to know, and exactly what I want to hear.
I’m hoping he’s not actually reading that book because I’m pretty sure that my middle-aged mother has read it and she loves it. But maybe he’s just in touch with his sensitive feminine side. Marriage material.
I love that Fraser is proudly flaunting his love of books. I am absolutely drinking up the sophisticated and intelligent vibe that he’s giving off. The glasses, the shirt, the armchair, the book. It’s a flawless combination. Not to mention the fact that he has a golden retriever.
Nevertheless, although Fraser seems to be the ideal man on the surface, I’m worried about what’s going on underneath. His bio says ‘Fuck off with ur tab’, and yet he happily agreed to feature on this article… for The Tab. It doesn’t quite add up. The contradiction makes me think that he’s struggling with an inner conflict or turmoil. I’m not quite sure I want that kind of baggage.
An intellect AND a dog lover. Every girls dream. He’s perfect… Almost too perfect. It’s probably all an illusion. No doubt he borrowed his mates dog, picked a random book off the shelf, put on a shirt and got some fake specs all for the photo. I’m calling it. He’s a catfish.
Profile 5 – Liam
Liam, that mountain is selling itself better than you are BECAUSE I CAN BARELY SEE YOU. I would need to know if I actually liked your face before I swiped right. I don’t want to waste my time talking to someone I might not find attractive. Sorry not sorry.
Also, I’m not a big tea drinker so your skills don’t exactly impress me. If you were an 8.2 in mountain climbing, or Tibetan throat singing, or even anything marginally more exciting than tea making, then maybe I would reconsider. Maybe.
I need a bit more information on Liam. Only having one picture makes me want to immediately swipe left. But I guess that mystery could be attractive. It’s exciting. He could be anyone. Imagine turning up to your date and seeing Liam Hemsworth sitting there waiting for you. Ok, it’s a long shot, but it could happen.
Why an 8.2? Why not just an 8? I feel like Liam is trying to make his tea making seem quirky, to compensate for the fact that the rest of his profile is boring. What am I supposed to review? There’s nothing there. The scenery looks nice I guess.
Profile 6 – Jack
I like Jack. He’s got to get credit for showing the utmost commitment to being a medical student in that outfit. He can definitely pull off that look better than I could.
I think his bio is hilarious. I like it when guys don’t take themselves too seriously. Although, why is he a bee keeper if he’s allergic to them? Maybe he’s a bit of a thrill seeker, an adrenaline junkie. Jack clearly likes to live life on the edge.
Jack’s profile has the exact opposite problem to Liam’s. That second photo is way too close up. It makes me feel uncomfortable.
Those random, cute, quirky facts about you in your bio are just weird. Too much information. I don’t get it. A seven year old surely wouldn’t have your hairy legs, and swiping up won’t clear my student debt. It’s all a lie, and nobody likes a liar, Jack.
You’re making false promises before I’ve even had the chance to say hello. Not off to a good start. This makes him seems like the type that would play games. He knows he’s clever because he’s a medical student, and thinks you’ll be stupid enough to fall for anything. He’s attractive but he’s probably a fuck boy.
Also, for someone who is learning how to save lives, Jack seems to have a bit of a death wish. Crashing planes and hanging around bees when you’re allergic? You’re clearly not as smart as you think you are.