We know everything about your personality based on what you did this summer
Ibiza to Thailand and back again
The one all uni students are guaranteed to agree on is that the three month long summer is a god send. Everyone has different plans – some people are working, some go gap yah travelling, the lucky few that live in the south probably stayed at home half the time to soak up all that sun we had in their back garden. But everyone did something. And what you did for the summer can actually tell a lot about who you are as a person. Trust me, it's basically scientific it's that accurate.
So, here's all the things you and your friends definitely did at least one of in your typical uni summer. Or, if you were really unlucky, just saw on other people Instagrams.
The one where you 'found yourself' and a severely sedated tiger
I would say that you "found yourself" but let's be real you most likely lathered yourself in glow in the dark paint, found a bucket and hoped it was filled with a strong enough rum punch to make you forget about how horrifically in your overdraft you are to pay for this trip. You'll have forgotten to lather on the sun cream and end up glowing in the dark all by yourself with your burnt af skin. Don't worry though, the overdrawn account and likely skin cancer were all worth it for that triple figure Insta likes that you got of you with a tiger, coconut, on a moped, shit face paint on and/ or holding a bucket.
The one where you decided to be cultured twat interailing Europe (probs got some alright pizza though)
You felt it was too cliche to get over to koh toa poh or wherever in Asia so you opted for the "way cheaper" and "much more culture" filled Europe Interail. You probably went with one mate or your other half (because going round museums are the height of student romance). You get on the Eurostar and feel sooo cultured already as you hurtle towards Prague and Milan, ready to take in all the culture or more likely, to drink as many pints of European beers that you can before passing out on the floor of your hostel room. Sure, you thought this would be the cheap trip of your dreams but unfortunately you didn't take into account that drinking 10x the amount of drinks just because they're cheap adds up to being horrifically skint. If you aren't skint by the end you probably spent way to much time in the museums.
The one where you probably screamed "OHHH AHHH MALIAAA!!"
You and the lads from home decide fuck it lets relive our former glory days and hit the Zante strip! You feel a thrill of excitement, pack your Topman 3 pack of tank tops, Havana flip flops that your mum bought you and some funky swim shorts in the wild colours of blue and red. Checking into the worst hotel in the world and cracking open a cold one with the boys you head out to the strip to find that you are the oldest 6th former there. The realisation that this is the destination for 16-17 year olds to get pissed on their first holiday suddenly comes back to you and you die from cringing out or a terrifying form of chlamydia.
The one where all your insta's are captioned 'Camp Family #america #bestsummerever'
Well done, you made it to America and now you have to spend 24/7 with some small kids that the parents didn't want to deal with entertaining for 6 weeks so you get to instead. To be honest you probably just went out to meet some fit American girl or guy who looks like the model from the Abercrombie adverts or so you could say you really went out to travel America and this was "such a great stepping stone". We end up with 9000 pictures of you in shorts and over large t shirts surrounded by kids for weeks (who you keep calling family & besties). FYI you probs won't talk to them ever again thus leaving those kids just like their parents left them at the camp gates.
The one where you wore glitter and poured Moët over yourself in Ibiza
You have your best one piece that will give you the worst tan lines imaginable (seriously missguided your mesh strappy swimsuits are ruining my life, still cute tho) and a bottle of chateu de shit dancing your butt off to techno house (is there a difference between techno and house?!). You spent ages getting ready and some knob just decided to pour a bottle over you but whatevs that's just the wild things that go down in Ibiza right?! The next day you spend your whole overdraft so some stall can glitter you up as a sexy tiger or zebra and from there you hit the Zoo Project. Of course as soon as you get there some knob pours another bottle over you so now you are less sexy glitter tiger and more sexy glitter mess. At least you made us all jealous with your snapchat stories.
The one where you rolled in mud and glitter while losing your mind to Eminem live
You've got your Hunter wellies, fringed tops, your hair up in two buns and you are ready to lose your mind like Miley Cyrus circa 2013. Eagerly checking the weather report every five minutes in the week leading up you resign yourself to messaging the group chat saying "it's cool we can still have fun in the rain! We'll just stay fucked the whole time!!". Things that will go down at your festival/festivals of choice are that someone will piss on your tent, you'll dabble in class As and have to collect your jaw from the house tent the next day, you'll run out of strongbow dark fruit on the first day, you'll get some sweet Polaroids, you won't sleep and you'll only eat luke warm pot noodles. On the plus side you get to see all your Fav bands and have the joy of spending the same amount on a coach journey as a flight to Spain.
The one where you worked two jobs and cried
You get the longest summer of your life and you spend it working indoors serving other people pints and thinking "it's fine I'm saving so much money, I'll definitely buy a super cheap flight to Ibiza for the closing parties!!!" The weeks past and you settle into the monotonous routine of waking, working, crashing out and slowly feeling your joy leave you. The cheap flights are never bought and you delete Instagram to stop seeing everyone else having fun. It's okay though, you can live your summer life in September for freshers (and you can buy us all drinks because we spent the summer going broke from having fun).