A definitive list of everyone you’ll meet in freshers

Apply for ‘Adopt a Fresher’ now

You already know the classics: the posh boys, the gap yaar kids, the sporty ones, the one that doesn't know what a jager bomb is – why r u even here -the flat mates that shag blah blah blah.

Here are the people I met when I was a fresh-faced, naive fresher. Jokes. I'll always be a fresher.

The second year that adopts you

It'll be love at first sight. You'll bond over your new marble laptop case, matching mason jars that disguise the Sainsbury's own Vodka topped with 39p mixer called 'Guava and lime' and that together you have the full collection of UD Naked palettes.

And then suddenly you're soul mates for life.

And then suddenly you're soul mates for life.

They'll tell you things you actually need to know like WHERE THE FUCK room 6 is in the SU; the cheapest place for cocktails; how to find a seat in Laidlaw – get the lift to the top floor and walk down rather than getting progessively more sweaty as you climb the floors looking for a seat with a fucking plug and finally, to download YOYO because half price coffee and cake makes everything okay.

'Adopt a Fresher' should definitely be a society.

The one that pulls everyone

Your flatmate? Done.

Your new bestie? Easy.

That guy from school you kinda know? Check.

You? I have standards.

The one that pulls everyone and turns out to be in a relationship

Shit.

The older kids

They've been here for a while, they're basically ancient and they've even got a Yorkshire twang to their accent. They were once edgy, the chunder king, top shagger, now… well, why are they still here and what exactly did they study in first year?

Who cares, we all know that they're the best on nights out.

Just cover them in glitter and appreciate their wisdom.

Just cover them in glitter and appreciate their wisdom.

The Study Abroad students

They're like gap yaaar kids but worse. You're actually apart of their gap yaar, actively providing them with those cringe stories they'll tell everyone when they go back home. They're going to Paris next week, Barcelona at Christmas and every other European tourist spot. Go take that polaroid next to the Eiffel Tower while the rest of us suffer through freshers flu and that lecturer who shouts at us for us eating hummus in the back row.

The liability

On the first night of freshers, you're ready to get smashed, the Jagerbombs are flowing, and then 'Yeah, i've never bought a drink before.'

Half hour later. Their vomming in Leeds city centre, you have no idea where you are or what their name is but they're hysterically crying that they're homesick while you're still so incredibly fucked.

One semester later. They're known as the Chunderer and have cost you one too many nights out.

And if you're lucky they'll vom on you too.

And if you're lucky they'll vom on you too.

The fresher who knows what they're doing and where they're going after ONE DAY

They know where every building is on campus even if it doesn't remotely link to their course. You bump into them in the corridor after you've just done the walk of shame while they're heading off to their course induction to ask lecturers questions on the course prospectus and you don't even own a bloody prospectus. What's a prospectus again?

You're running around Cavendish Road trying to find seminar room 5.2.WHAT THE FUCK do these numbers mean.6c.

*One year later *

Seminar tutor: "Why didn't you come to office hours?"

Me: "Because I go to a Russel Group uni and I still can't figure out the School of English room numbers and I'm convinced your office is like Platform 9 and 3/4s and I just can't find the wall to run into."

The pusher

It's me.

I'll pour extra Vodka into your drink when you're not looking and then when you catch me, i'll say, "I'm a Geordie, I know what I'm doing." I'll hand you a "cocktail" when actually it's just a concoction of all the drinks in the room. I'll probs force multiple tequila slammers down you and then say, "You're so weak. Stop being a Princess." When actually I'm the biggest lightweight at pres – I just don't chunder.

That guy in your seminar you had a drunken DMC with

And then you pretend like you don't know his name for the rest of the Semester until one day he messages you about the reading for week 7. And again, you both pretend like you don't know eachothers life stories or that he cheated on his girlfriend two days in. It's okay James, most freshers do. Have a tequila slammer.

Those girls who are already edgy in freshers week

And you're sat there in pres with jeans and a nice top. Now, that top is strictly reserved for lectures, if you're feeling fancy, and job interviews. Does anyone else look back at freshers photos and think "where was the mesh. the glitter. the culottes. what was my entire wardrobe and why do i look like i'm fresh out of the womb."

One semester later, and you basically go out half naked. But you're definitely still not edgy, more 'bedgy.' (Basic + edgy, apparently that's a word now.)

Shout out to the holy grail Primark bralette.

Shout out to the holy grail Primark bralette.

Photos by CWphotographics

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