Everything you know to be true if you grew up in South London

It’s unique in it’s own shitty yet brilliant way

The people of London, I think, can generally be split into two categories; tourists aimlessly wandering around, holding up queues to tube barriers because they’re using paper tickets (what a ghastly waste of money) and those who actually inhabit the city and are angrily trying to make their way to their destination with as many dirty looks and awkward nudges as possible.

South London however, usually doesn’t have very many tourists, surprisingly Lewisham Model Market and Peckham Rye are not in the guide books. However, it has unique character which anyone who had the privilege of growing up in this gorgeous green oasis will recognise.

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The Horniman Museum

Anyone who went to primary school south of the river will remember this stony dungeon you were dragged to every couple of months. A new school trip would be announced but the air of excitement would soon fade as your teacher broke the news that it was the Horniman Museum again. Theres only so many times you can see some dead bugs and deer heads without wanting to be put behind the glass yourself. But they did show outdoor movies sometimes, it’s the little things.

The magical beacon of posh that is Dulwich

Planted between the erm…slightly less rah West Norwood and Forest Hill, Dulwich is where south Londoners go to get their posh, middle class fix. You might have had a friend from school who lived round there and held house parties in his colourful mansion with his mates from Dulwich College or Alleyns, but you’ll eventually be sat on the number 3 nightbus back home, desperately searching for a Morleys.

What Dulwich Park meant on a Saturday

In your slightly younger days before house parties with posh Dulwich College boys who actually dressed like they could be homeless, there was Dulwich park to fill your Saturdays. Chilling on a banana bike with an ice cream in hand was the dream.


The sights are something to behold

So north of the river might have the British Museum, the London Eye, the London Zoo, the Royal Opera house and many…many other famous sights, south London is home to “The Crystal Palace Eiffel Tower”. Yes, the majestic television transmitter. It’s no joke that I, and many other people who grew up here referred to it as our very own Eiffel tower, iconic.


Weekends as a 15 year old were spent in Brockwell Park

With your classy bottle of Lambrini, you’d spend most summer evenings in this place, doing shots out of the lid of your Glenns bottle and having no regrets whatsoever; wavey.

Getting pissed on any kind of green really was standard 

The secure knowledge that Southern trains were and always will be utter wank

The London Victoria train will always be delayed by 10 minutes and Clapham Junction will always be the gateway to hell. These are the facts.

was definitely late for this meal

The severe lack of tube stations is a tragedy 

You’ll find yourself telling everyone that “they’re planning on extending the Victoria line or something to Lewisham!!” but deep down you’re fully aware that South London will always be woefully neglected, we are the middle child of London x

Suggestions of doing anything at all in your ends will be instantly shot down by your North London friends.

I get it, Camden to Brixton is a bit of a trek, but for some reason south Londoners still end up being forced north of the river for nights out because apparently there’s nothing good here, I beg to differ; Infernos anyone??

And never forget to brag to everyone that Adele is actually from West Norwood

With cries of “Hometown Glory was actually written about West Norwood you know!!”. We can’t all sing like that though..no..definitely not.

It’s a bit shit but you love it anyway and will reassure everyone not from London that “South London is where all the real Londoners live”. Those late night Morley’s trips and number 3 nightbus rides will always hold a special place in your heart. Unlike the precious few who live in cushy west London, you’ll breathe a breath of fresh are as you walk through the barriers at Brixton and into The Prince of Wales. Embrace shitty South London, it’s the best part.