Everything you know to be true if you’ve got a resting bitch face

Yes I promise I’m fine


It’s not easy having a resting bitch face. You’re perpetually told you look angry, sad, confused – or, you know, like a bitch – when in reality, all you’re trying to do is just have a normal fucking facial expression and stare into space in peace.

People ask if you’re okay all the time

If I have tears streaming down my face, please, go for it. Ask me if I’m okay. But if I’m just sitting here, staring vacantly into space/looking at my phone/doing literally nothing at all, 99.9% of the time, I will be okay. It’s just my face. I’m probably thinking about what I’m going to have for supper, not some deep emotional turmoil.


People tell you to smile

I’m generally a really happy person. If I’m out with some friends, I will probably be smiling. I will not, however, walk around with an idiotic grin on my face. How creepy would it be if we all walked around perpetually leering at each other? Don’t tell me to ‘smile’ when I’m doing something like waiting for a doctor’s appointment or bagging my shopping in Morrison’s – I’ll flash you one for a second, perhaps, but then my face will inevitably lapse back into its unfortunate death glare.

People say stuff like ‘I thought you were a bitch when I first met you!’

That’s great, glad to know I made such a sparkling first impression. Sure, I may look like Medusa from afar, but if you just talk to me or anyone else with a RBF you’ll know we’re great gals just like the rest of you. Sorry if we scare you initially, but we really can’t help it.


You can never give anyone ‘the eye’

Picture the scene. You’re in a bar, and a solid 11/10 enters your eyeline. Desperate to make eye contact, you stare, and stare, and stare, and finally they turn to you. You look passionately into their eyes, trying to convey your burning lust, but they a. look away; b. look confused; c. look scared. It’s not your fault that you think you’re batting your lashes and making sultry doe eyes, but in reality you’re giving some poor stranger serious evils.

Smiling like a lunatic in interviews

You are aware of your face situation, so at times where it really needs to change, you’ll try your best. No one wants to hire a miserable bitch – even if you aren’t one, and instead just look like one. Perpetually smiling in interviews just makes your whole face ache, it’s so unused to using those muscles. The whole time you’ll wonder – how do people do it? How do you look happy without getting jaw cramp from a creepy half-smile that is really more of a leer?