All the annoying things people do in the library, and literally nowhere else

I’m not going to lie to you, I haven’t spent much time in the library since coming to uni. Something about first year not counting, something about how the whole place reeks of misery and unfulfilled dreams; the output just doesn’t seem worth the effort. Even still, in my brief jaunts to Edward Boyle and Laidlaw, I’ve discovered half a dozen new etiquette sins that people seem intent on committing at every given opportunity.

Excessive PDA (so, PDA)

I get it – you’ve had your eye on that guy from your Tuesday afternoon tutorials for a couple of months, and now you’ve been paired up to do a lengthy presentation that will require lots of private study. It’s an exciting time. You’re a lonely bastard. Realistically, though, do you need to sit on his lap and giggle loudly at everything he says while I’m pretending to be writing an essay and not a Tab article? It’s distracting, it’s almost as uncomfortable as overhearing sex, and it doesn’t need to be happening in a library. I’m proud of your flirting abilities, really, I am, but in the end, I can assure you this: there are a thousand better places to pull than in a dark corner of Eddy B.

When your only hot date for the week is with a guy named Edward Boyle

Saving seats for half their course

If your friend can’t arrive in time to claim themselves a seat, it really isn’t your job to save them one. Plus, I’d quite like to use that plug socket.

You’ve ran out of squash, mate

Taking up more room than you need

We’ve all seen them, the dicks that insist upon spreading their highlighters and notebooks and laptops and worksheets across the entirety of a giant table, leaving groups of three or four to squeeze around the library equivalent of a bedside cabinet. It’s the man-spread of the studying world; the epitome of library disrespect. If you want to make yourself at home, bring a blanket and take your shoes off. There are over thirty thousand students at the University of Leeds, and I will fight you for half of that table if it gets me a first at the end of this degree.

At least my brows looked nice

Eating the noisiest, smelliest foods on earth

I kid you not, I’ve witnessed someone sneaking bites of a tuna sandwich in the library. It’s gross, it’s unnecessary, and it’s not exactly conducive to my attempts at learning all of the Spanish tense conjugations in the ten minutes before my lecture begins. I could understand if you were sneaking the occasional Dorito or if you’d gone down the fancy route and bought yourself a ham salad baguette from Pret, but there are lines that nobody needs to cross, and tuna sandwiches in Laidlaw is one of those lines. Do us all a favour: show yourself out, and think more carefully about your choices next time.

Answering phone calls

I wish I wasn’t guilty of this, I really do, but hell hath no fury like my mother ignored. I do my best to be quick about it – a quick, whispered, ‘I’ll call you later, mum, I’m in the library!’ usually does the trick – but still, I know it’s annoying, you know it’s annoying; we should all make a Do Not Disturb pact, like the unspoken cinema rule about loud popcorn chewing. In the so-called social media age, you would think a quick WhatsApp would do the trick, anyway. Is there really any need to broadcast that you’ll be home at six or that you definitely didn’t eat your housemate’s leftover pasta to the entire population of Level 10?

Have you ever seen a more beautiful situation

Working in the cafe

I’m just trying to find a seat so I can tuck into my falafel wrap, but with how well-lit and ambient The Edit Room is, it’s no surprise that there isn’t a single table free. What becomes annoying, however, is the fact that in a cafe attached to a library, there are always at least a dozen people with laptops open, committing the aforementioned sin of spreading their lives across a table. Is there anything quite as cheeky as failing to even buy anything – or even bring anything – to pretend that you’re actually in there to eat? I think not. You all need to reassess your manners and walk the ten feet into Edward Boyle, where you can study in actual peace and quiet and let the hungry have our moment.