Every single fuckboy you will inevitably end up dating in Leeds
And by date, we mean shag
2017 is well and truly the era of the fuckboy. Whether you swiped right for that hottie on Tinder, meet them in the Beaverworks smoking area or finally asked out your library bae – you’ve definitely encountered at least one of these Leeds boys.
The posh boy
Obviously from the Home Counties and definitely private schooled (bonus points if they tell you how much it cost a term), he jumps on his four-hour train ride to Leeds adorning a Jack Wills gilet and his Chelsea boots. Give it 6 weeks in Charles Morris and you’ll find him in the corner of Beaverworks in his ‘vintage’ Adidas jumper offering you a key of ket and telling you how much he “fucking LOVES Patrick Topping” – he broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years when he came to Leeds and this is his new idea of romance.
In the upcoming general election, to his mum’s dismay, he’ll be voting Labour because he’s “one of the people”, but he won’t be around long enough for you to ever find that out for sure. Don’t worry though, he’ll still be wearing his signet ring as his last reminder of the pretentious twat he once was (and some could argue still is). Tally ho!
‘I’m a DJ’
You’ll know them when you see them on Tinder because, even if its not in their bio, their first picture will be them behind the decks at a house party in Hyde Park or the first thing they’ll ask is “are you going to Wire tomorrow?” Sooner or later, they’ll ask you to follow them on SoundCloud and they’ll inevitably show you their “summer ’17 warm up mix”.
And even when they shag your best mate and you stop talking, you’ll still listen to their banging pres playlist because you can’t deny they have a good taste.
The one from Beckett
Obviously he studies Sports Coaching, or if he’s really something, Sports Science. Usually has a club picture from Tiger Tiger with the Chuckle Brothers or someone obscure from Made in Chelsea. He can’t really string a sentence together, but he’s easy on the eye and doesn’t take himself too seriously.
What they lack in intelligence and wit, they certainly make up for in sexual prowess. Can always count on them for a late night/early morning booty call – you know they aren’t bothered about making their 9am. They probably won’t text you back though, because they’re too embarrassed that their dad works for your dad.
The rugby lad at Warehouse
Three VKs in hand and their uniform of a blue shirt and a red tie, once you lock lips with this fuckboy to a somewhat-romantic Drake song, you’ll think you’ve fallen in love… but only for the night.
You don’t think he’s that bad because he texts you the next day, but you see him in Terrace on Friday necking a pint with the LADS before they go to Fruity to find their next 3am love affair. Every Wednesday is a clean slate with a new fresher – these boys never stop. But we all know their inflated sense of self-worth makes them a terrible lover. Avoid at all costs.
The NoCurfew promoter
You’ve dated a Beckett boy, so what’s a NoCurfew promoter right? Wrong.
You have 45 mutual friends, and it all started when he got you free entry to Chaos Fridays at Space and said he’ll ‘see you there ;)’. Obviously he didn’t talk to you in the club because he was busy ‘networking’, but he won’t hesitate to spend the next week asking why you didn’t come home with him. It’s all fine though, he promised free entry next week if you share some cheeky tit pics.
You try to forget about him, but his persistent posts on Facebook telling everyone to go to Mint Mondays makes it a little bit difficult. You end up deleting him on Facebook and avoiding NoCurfew events for the next six months.
The gap year vegan
He’ll tell you he ‘found himself’ in Bali, because he isn’t mainstream and didn’t go to Thailand like everyone else. With his harem pants in full swing, he’ll take you to HumPit because it’s ‘the best falafel he’s had in Leeds’ and he’ll try to connect with you on a spiritual level.
In reality, the only thing he wanted to hump was you. He may give off a hippie vibe and have a man-bun, but he still wants his girls to be clean-shaven and well spoken. You’ll think you have a deeper connection as you look longingly at his wall hanging while you’re lying in bed post-shag, but really it was just shit missionary and he is about as spiritual as your springer spaniel.
He may be one year older, but all he learnt on his gap year was how to roll a spliff and sweet talk Aussie girls. You could never date a boy with longer hair than you anyway.
The Canal Mills fuckboy
He’s the boy that’s “going” to all the Good Life events on Facebook, even if its just to keep himself in the loop. Or if not, you get endless notifications from him looking for last minute tickets to Primal Sound on Leeds Uni Freshers. And when he’s there, the story is always the same: washing away the taste of MD with his can of Red Stripe in hand, you’ll think he’s your perfect match when he’s offering you a piece of gum and ends on his fag.
He won’t just be a one-night stand, and that’s not only because he can’t get it up. He’ll tell you about the ‘connection’ he felt with you when he was half a pill deep, and you’ll say you felt it too. But by the time the next Good Life rolls into town, he’ll have stopped replying to your snapchats and you’ll spot him across the crowd feeding chewing gum to another girl wearing glitter, and that will be the end of your disco romance.
The meaningful twat
You think he’s different – you met him on Bumble! He seems like a nice boy and he even paid for your drinks at Hyde Park Pub, while telling you how insightful his Feminist Political Philosophy module is. He replies as soon as he’s seen your message and never leaves you waiting on the blue tick. You really think he’s the one to make you delete your Tinder, you thought his fuckboy glasses were only ironic AND he’s the best sex you’ve ever had.
Until one day you find out from your course mate’s friend’s cousin that he has a girlfriend back home in Surrey. Not even a Bakery 164 can numb this pain. Now it makes sense as to why he wouldn’t accept your friend request on Facebook.
The one you think is a nice guy
Oh babe, you just wait…
Photos by: Daniel Watson Photography, Ben Hale Photography, James Cray & Luke Baker, Tiger Tiger photos from the NoCurfew Events Facebook page