A guy’s night out in Leeds from a girl’s perspective

Every girl knows the pain of listening to her guy friends go on and on about how great a guys night out is, and how it’s “just so much better than a girls night out”. But is it really? Cos on the surface, they’re pretty much exactly the same, with only slightly different, repetitive rituals.

Don’t try and feature in their group pics, you will get pushed out

Guitar hero/FIFA/Mario Kart drinking game

Guys cannot seem to have a night out without someone turning on a games console. Sure, the Mario Kart drinking game is hilarious (seriously, check it out if you have no idea what I’m talking about), but the rest? Surely there’s more interesting ways to get drunk than to just do what you do every single day, except this time with a drink in your hand.

Odds on

As a girl, I don’t think I will ever understand this game. Basically, someone dares you to do something stupid like eat a bar mat (yes, I have seen this before), and then you have to say a number at the same time and if it’s the same number then the person who’s been dared loses. I think. It’s the most stereotypical lad game I’ve ever seen, and half the time it doesn’t even involve drinking, so what’s the point?

Deciding to walk so you can have a beer on the way

It doesn’t matter that you live in Hyde Park, and your big guys night out is planned at Canal Mills (where else?). Who cares that it’s the middle of January, and you’ll be lucky if the temperature outside gets higher than zero. There is no way you are wasting precious drinking time – and risk sobering up in the process – by getting a taxi. You are men. You will walk. You must assert your manliness by being the coldest and the drunkest when you get to the club.

Battle of the egos

Refusing to take a coat with you to the club

On a similar level to refusing to get a taxi and walking, guys are adamant that they do not need a coat when walking around, at midnight, in Leeds. Perhaps it’s because they’re cheap? I mean, for the same price as storing your coat in the coatroom, you could get a grand total of one shot. Or maybe it’s some ancient, caveman tendency for guys to prove their ability to survive in even the harshest weather (aka it’s cold enough to see your breath, but they’re so drunk they can’t feel it anyway). Whatever the reason is, the only people who suffer are the girls they manage to bring home at the end of the night, who are then denied a nice warm coat for the walk home (cos duh, girls don’t take coats out either).

Not a coat in sight

Trying to chat up a girl at the bar

And failing, miserably. The oldest trick in the book: that girl is chatting to you in the hope that you’ll buy her drink for her. You pretty much always do, and when you turn around *poof* she’s gone. This doesn’t stop them trying again the next time they go for a drink though. Guys will never learn.

Being left alone at the bar

You turn around to discover all but one of the guys you’re out with have disappeared to the toilets, with only one remaining, telling you he’s “here to look after you”. Cheers pal. Turns out, guys go to the toilets in packs, just like girls. So, remember that the next time you get mocked for going to the toilet with your bff. Guys are no better.

There will always be a fight

Especially in Fruity. There literally hasn’t been a time that I’ve gone to Fruity with a bunch of guys, and they haven’t got into some fight with a guy that was pushing too much on the dance floor, resulting in us all getting kicked out. But it’s only Fruity, so who really cares?

They will always insist on visiting the smoking area

Why? None of them even smoke. They don’t even own a lighter. But does this deter them? Nope. They go, they sit on a bench for five minutes, try to steal a few ciggies off the other people who are actually there for a reason, and then get cold and bored and go back inside. What a waste of time.

Beer pong is inescapable

They buy you food at the end of the night

The best thing about a guys night, if you’re a girl crashing it? Whatever takeaway you end up at, they will buy you food. You might have to do a bit of moaning first, about how you have no cash on you, or “it’s so cold, do we really have to go all the way to Crispy’s?” but then to stop your moaning they’ll offer to buy you something. Take full advantage of this offer. You have suffered tonight. A guy’s night out is no place for a girl to be.

Photos by: James Cray Photography, ItsJustJoeB Photography, CWPhotographics