All the people you might kiss on New Years Eve

Or it could just be the floor

With NYE drawing ever closer, most of us have resigned ourselves to the fact that we’re about as likely to get a New Year’s kiss as we are to stick to our resolution to ‘cut down on the sesh’. But you never know – eleven shots later and you might find that extra bit of pluck needed to approach one of the following contenders for your New Year’s kiss.

Your local fuckboy

Annoyingly attractive yet with as much depth as a puddle, your conversation starters have never got any more exciting than the standard ‘wuu2 x’ received past 1am. Over Snapchat too, of course. Thankfully, he’s only a contender for your New Year’s kiss and not a prospective boyfriend. In fact, planting him a kiss at midnight might be a good way to get him to shut up with all his meaningless flirty drivel. And he has nice arms.

A total stranger

Pretty tragic. Arguably more tragic than not kissing anyone at all. You should probably give this a miss. Ideally get their name, at least. Getting their number, however, is optional.

Your best friend

Either incredibly cute or incredibly cringe, you may or may not regret this in the morning. It could be a spur of the moment peck on the lips, meaning absolutely nothing romantic at all because you’ve basically known each other since conception, finished off with a hug and good wishes for 2017. Or, it could be a passionate and lengthy affair, instigated after some awkward, prolonged eye contact and some leaning in that lasted a lifetime. You convince yourself that it was bound to happen at some point, yet you still make your #1 New Year’s resolution to never, ever do that again because it felt kind of incestuous.

Your ex

Again, a hit or miss. Perhaps this will be a romantic rekindling of an old flame, ending up with you two spending the night together and deciding to go for a coffee next week. Or – more likely – a drunken mistake resulting in one of you feeling shit for the rest of the night. Or both of you – why limit yourself? Your friends will start shrieking at him for taking advantage of you, you’ll start crying, he’ll punch a glass window and have to go to A&E, his friends will call you a bitch, etc, etc. What better way to start 2017?

Your friend’s ex

Definitely infinitely worse than your own ex. You got to know him in the first place for your friend’s sake – so it’s kind of her fault. You drunkenly scream at her that she should take it as a compliment – it means you think she has good taste! Cue being ostracised for the rest of the night and sending a really, really long apology text in the morning.

Your crush

Or, you know, life could be good for once and you could actually get with the person you like on NYE. In some bizarre twist of fate, you’ve managed to end up in the same place as your crush and not black out by midnight. It’s a miracle. But before we get carried away – we should remember that this is 2016, and you kissing your crush on NYE would be about the least 2016 thing to happen in 2016. I wouldn’t get your hopes up. Why don’t you drop your local fuckboy a line instead?