The things next year’s Leeds freshers will never experience

Life changes at an alarming rate, and Leeds is no different – it won’t be long before a new batch of starry-eyed freshers descend upon Hyde Park.

But what of the world-weary Leeds students of yesteryear? The fourth year MAs, the recent grads now living in London; the ones who spend every waking moment longing for just one more night at Mezz.

Yes, a lot’s changed in Leeds in the last few years – and these are the things you missed out on if you weren’t around.

Bodington

The most infamous halls in the history of Leeds Uni, Bodington Hall was, to put it bluntly, absolutely fucking mental. Posher than Devonshire, looser than James Baillie and generally fitter than Charles Morris, Bodington was essentially a self-dependent colony of young, rich layabouts doing unspeakable things in the arse-end of nowhere.

Tales of radiators being thrown out of top-floor windows and whole corridors being hotboxed are hard to substantiate, but everyone knew someone who lived through it all – and never left because the bus took so damn long.

Tequila

How to describe Tequila? It was the sort of place where you’d go for a night out and end up lying on the bar covered in chocolate and whipped cream while your friend shot tequila into your mouth from a penis-shaped water pistol.

There was nothing like it – from the cages and beds in the middle of the dancefloor, to the sprawling abandoned car park which just about passed for a smoking area. Nowhere else could you entertain Harry Styles in the VIP room upstairs, and then head back down to the sight of your housemate doing a shit on the dancefloor.

None of that could excuse the release of a baffling promo video which made light of rape, the aftermath of which saw the night torn to shreds in the public eye. Tequila was shut down, and host venue Mezz was closed shortly after.

They tried to bring it back as Qualite, then they tried to bring it back as Sambuca – both failed. The damage was done, and Tequila was condemned to be remembered as the best club night in Leeds run by the worst promo team in the universe.

Gatecrasher/Bed

Before the poor hockey girls had to traipse all the way to Warehouse for their Wednesday night socials, Gatecrasher was the place to be if you were looking to pull a dashing hunk of meat in a blue shirt and a pink tie.

Gatecrasher, or Bed as it later became, ended up giving up its place to hipster bars such as Manahatta and The Brotherhood of Pursuits and Pastimes – which is either a comment on Leeds’ recent gentrification, or a warning against selling vodka which my or may not contain chloroform.

EddyBHotshots

Back when the Laidlaw was nothing more than a twinkle in the university’s eye, the Edward Boyle stood proud and unchallenged – and level 13 (or “flirteen”) was unrivalled as a place for pulling.

Anonymous tips from lusty library-goers led to the creation of EddyBHotshots, an anonymous account which entertained Leeds with its no-holds-barred approach to outing the specimens within Eddy B’s hallowed halls.

Alas, Hotshots haven’t tweeted for over a year now – and copycats like “Laidlaw Lovelies” have nothing on the original.

Edgy Girl Leeds

Speaking of anonymous accounts, there was no-one quite like Edgy Girl Leeds when it came to documenting the everyday struggles of the Home Counties-born, Leeds-converted Uni girl.

With such pearls of wisdom as “If EdgyGirlLeeds did libraries there’d be a lava lamp on every desk and compulsory smoking” and spawning cheap offshoots like Naive Girl Leeds and Edgy Boy Leeds, she truly was all of us – and when she graduated, a whole uni mourned.

Evo

Yet another on the list of indefensibly shit clubs you still went to every week, Evo was different for two reasons: it was described as a “superclub”, and it had a “hot tub”.

What that actually meant, of course, was that it was in the arse end of nowhere and had a tepid paddling pool which was invariably filled with Leeds Met rugby boys.

Halo

It was a club. In a church. A club in a church. S Club played there and the drinks only cost £1.

Literally, what more could you want?

A real Leeds Met rivalry

Some part of the old rivalry died when they decided to change their name to “Beckett”, and give what seemed like every person in Leeds a branded hoodie to cement that fact.

It’s just not as catchy singing “If you can’t go to Uni, go to Beckett”, is it?

A year abroad in Europe

Yeah, good luck with that.