From one guy to another: Stop creeping on girls in clubs

You walk into the club thinking your moves are fire, scouting for the nearest girl to pull because you’re determined (or rather desperate) to pull.

It’s pretty obvious why – you’re a self-titled “lad”. In a well-lit room where everyone is sober you couldn’t pull to save your life, but now you’ve strawpedoed 5 VKs you have an embarrassing level of confidence.

You think you own the floor and you think everyone is laughing with you when you shuffle. Sorry to break the bad news, but everyone’s laughing at you. Your drunken shuffle looks like Mr Tickle got stuck on a treadmill travelling too fast.

So your dance moves failed to impress, you’re just desperate to pull, desperate to be able to send that Snapchat to your friends the next morning lying next to the now half-naked and sexually disappointed fitty from your seminar.

You see a girl loving life with her #squad, and she looks good through your Jäger-goggles. What’s the best way of getting her attention? Slapping her arse of course.

Erm, no. That’s just not OK.

As a normal guy I don’t understand why blokes think it is. Yes, arses are amazing – but groping a stranger’s (or anyone else’s) is just uncalled for. In fact, it’s sexual assault.

What’s worse is to be even more classic to your mates you’ll do it and run away like the coward that you are. You think it’s hilarious – it just isn’t.

Maybe you’re not an arse slapper, but you probably are a grinder. Grinding on girls for one looks stupid and girls just hate it. They have signals for their squad to get a creepy guy away from them, and you are that creepy guy. They don’t know you, so they definitely don’t want your crotch rubbing against them. It’s just weird.

What seems even more stupid about your behaviour is that you think that by behaving in this stupid way that you guaranteed to pull. If you just behaved like a normal human being and not some testosterone-fuelled animal you might actually get somewhere with girls.

Try being a gentleman or even just a normal guy, not a lad. You never know, you might get a girlfriend. Then you don’t have to put the effort into pulling because you’ve got a pretty permanent pull.

Lad culture is an endemic problem at Uni and tends to give all guys a bad name. Thinking about things before you do them is something you learn at primary school, so it’s probably something you should know at uni.