The best and worst places to poo on campus

Don’t act like you haven’t thought about it

funny guide league LUU poo ranking self help toilet Union

No-one likes to be caught short in public, but sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. So if you’re ever desperate on campus, here’s a guide of where you should do your business.


We are led to believe the Union is supposed to look after students, yet after visiting these it’s clear they don’t look after our toiletry needs.

These dimly lit loos contained the contaminated toilet paper of the previous user, no thanks to their feeble flush. The acoustics don’t help the experience, as your splash is likely to echo around the room.

Rating: 💩💩💩

Old Bar 

The Terrace didn’t provide the best experience and you may not have thought things would get worse, but the Old Bar sets to prove you wrong.

In a throwback to the good old 1980s Working Mens’ Club, these toilets are very “no nonsense”. Yes, it may be falling off the wall, yes, the lock doesn’t work properly and yes, there is an eerie dripping tap – but you can do your business and go and drown your sorrows with a pint afterwards.

On the plus side there is a shaving plug by the sink so you can trim your beard afterwards. Overall, you should only use these in an emergency when your only other option involves squatting in a bush.

Rating: 💩

Laidlaw Library

This multi-million pound library raises expectations for places to poo on campus.  On the outside it looks rather fancy, maybe not the scale of the Ritz, but posh for Leeds. However, when you step into the cubicle your hopes come tumbling down before your eyes.

Cleaning is obviously not a priority as the skid-marks clearly demonstrate, not that the dirty toilet brush will help solve that. The designers of this toilet also did not attempt to consider comfort in the making of this loo – your bum cheeks will not thank you later if you try to escape from your reading week essay for too long.

Rating: 💩💩💩

Worsley Building

Not being a medical student, I had a great time invading their private medical space to carry out my business. These toilets were below the level I expected from a building filled with the untouchables on campus.

The toilets looked and smelt like hospital toilets, leading me to sit there in the belief that a nurse would come and wipe my behind for me. The privacy  is quite exceptional, as it is in the middle of nowhere and poorly signposted.

Holding it in could be part of their training soon – if Jeremy Hunt has his way, there’ll be no time for toilet trips.


Roger Stevens

Expectations were obviously low for campus’ most hated building, however from the outside things seemed to be on the up – the toilets are the most modern thing in Roger Stevens.

Once I stepped into the cubicle the reality lived up to my expectations. Blocked toilets, dodgy locks and an extremely loud air vent did not provide the most relaxing toilet experience.

As with anywhere in Roger Stevens, squeezing past things was necessary as the cubicle is so small you have to be sat down before you can close the door. I would give this toilet a rating of two out of five, but because it’s Roger Stevens it automatically loses one point.

Rating: 💩