How to live like a celeb in Leeds: Kanye West edition
It ain’t easy being Yeezy
Kanye be the next Mr West on this lousy thing the government call a student loan? The answer is a yes. From his style to his outrageously obnoxious attitude this is your essential guide to becoming Yeezy with a minus bank account.
The Kanye skinhead
£70 for a full head of headlights? Not to mention the shampoo, conditioner, hair serum and heat protective spray. Kanye even rest with this stress? Get yourself to the local barber and get that hair shaved off. Girls you can do this too, it is 2015. Yes winter is coming up, get yourself a £2 hat from primark and just imagine the money you will be saving.
All Black Everything
Get your leather black jeans on and your by any means on. Kanye West may be one of the most wealthy rappers at the minute but his fashion sense could be achieved in any high street store. There are two simple rules when dressing like Mr West. Read carefully, this may come across as somewhat complicated. Its got to be black. Its got to be leather.
With a measly £20 get yourself to the local trinity Primark and chuck anything black OR leather, get that straight into your basket (bonus points for outfits that combine both). Or if times are really getting tough, a black bin bag with a few pins in will do. This isn’t only cheap but can really highlight your amazing figure or hench biceps.
Do not, and I mean DO NOT smile. What the hell have you got to smile about? The fact your broke 24/7? The fact your standard has dropped from a 70cl of Smirnoff vodka to a bottle of White Ace. Just don’t.
Being British is an extreme benefit of this, our awkward and miserable culture puts you at an advantage for this state. If Kanye West was British no one would look twice at his attitude.
Don’t settle for the title of ‘student’
The title “student” is given to millions of young people. That just won’t do. Remember you run this town. Aim for something bigger. Step up for course rep? Course leader? Or if you really do not want to fuck around, run for parliament. Announce it unexpectedly, either at pre-drinks at Liberty Dock or your great nan’s uncles cousins funeral. Turn heads.
This is YOUR time
You only live once — as philosopher Drake once poetically put, so make your time count. Your views count. Don’t be afraid to correct those who cheat you out of what you want. This includes if you’re in Mcdonalds after that hefty night at Sticky Feet and you ordered a fish fillet just to be met with a Big Mac. The audacity. Or if your best mates bae doesn’t win best costume on the Otley Run. Look imam let you finish but…
Get a Kardashian
The Kardashian’s are peculiar creatures but really seem to hog the media. Go on, try and grab yourself one. But remember, a Kardashian isn’t just for Christmas. They require walking twice a day, at least two procedures of plastic surgrey and a whole lot of silicone. If getting a Kardashian seems too time consuming get yourself to Space, drink at least a 70cl of Sainsburys basics vodka and everyone is a Kardashian (if you’re fucked enough). As for the morning after, that’s your problem.