Is there any reason to care about student elections in final year?

Being in final year is a lot like being Madonna at the top of a flight of stairs during a Brits performance.

But instead of a cape and some over-zealous back-up dancers, it’s a cavalcade of essays, exams and dissertation work that threatens to drag you head-over-arse back down to earth.

Add to this the growing certainty of your unemployment next year (that is if you do somehow manage to graduate) means that you have exactly zero shits left to give about even the general election, let alone an election to choose who gets control of the union’s twitter account next year, while you’re off cashing in your first jobseekers’ allowance cheque.

Even the Green party would prefer to see that piece of cardboard in a landfill

Let’s be honest, how many of the current union officers could you even pick out of a police lineup? Do you even know how many officers there are or their responsibilities? If you’re anyone other than a politics student with too much time on your hands, then the answer is a resounding “No”.

Not me though, my politics game is on point

These freshers and second years bothering you with flyers as you power-walk through the union haven’t got a clue. If you had the time, you would love to sit these whipper-snappers down and explain they should be off somewhere getting drunk and enjoying themselves while they can, instead of campaigning for President What’s-his-name and his strong stance on who-cares.

Don’t they know final year is worth 160% of my degree?

But before you take supreme leader Russell Brand’s advice to heart, there are a few motives for final years to vote in this years election.

Cronyism

Got a friend running for position? Do you think they are too fragile for the real world and want to keep them safe for another annum in the warm bosom of naivety that is university life? Then vote for them.

Don’t agree with their policies? Don’t know what their policies are? That doesn’t matter. They’re your pal and their complete lack of leadership and/or charisma shouldn’t necessarily preclude them from political office. Just look at Ed Miliband. Buddies before supporting studies.

I wouldn’t know anything about croneyism. Now, here’s another photo of Jonny Foster

Altruism 

Despite the fact they likely won’t have any effect on you next year, the decisions of the elected officers may have some implications for future students: be they younger friends, siblings or maybe even yourself as you come back to do another degree when you realise that your BSc in Golf course management isn’t the employer magnet that you thought it would be.

With this in mind it might be worth giving the candidates manifestos a quick once-over, just to ensure that you’re not accidentally supporting the beginning of the Fourth Reich.

Spite

You’re finished with uni. You’ve had your fun here but now you have to leave. Why should anyone else be allowed to enjoy themselves now that you’ve had to leave? Surely no one can compete with the three years of legendary experiences you’ve had. But just in case, with the last breath of your democratic power as a student you should try and fuck over whoever dares to follow in your footsteps.

Is wanting to watch the world burn so much to ask? So have a quick look at those candidates. Does one of them want to raise fees to 50 grand per semester? Ban alcohol sales in the union? Make students take exams while being chased by rabid dogs? Perfect. They’ve got your vote.

Your vote counts.