Militant Feminists kidnapped our sex doll

Move over FemSoc, the ‘Women’s Militia’ are showing no mercy


A horrified Hyde Park house awoke to discover they had been targeted by a militant feminist group during the night.

In addition to receiving a chilling letter and having their front door defaced with red paint, the housemates discovered their beloved sex doll, Theresa Barkley, had been taken.

Who would do this to someone?

The “Women’s Militia” have claimed responsibility for the theft.

In a Facebook page which has since been taken down, Women’s Militia described themselves as “a radical alternative to LUU’s FemSoc”.

They also claim to be “angry, young and punk as fuck”, and say they’re a discussion group which also carries out “covert actions”.

Also available written in blood

“Covert actions” which now include the robbery of Ms. Barkley, who had been purchased as a 21st birthday present for one of the Victoria Road group.

A demure kind of sex doll, Theresa was fully clothed, but she was blown off the balcony of the house and ended up hanging for dear life on a drain pipe.

Theresa, in happier times

She had been happily living there for a month, entertaining passers-by.

That was until the early hours of Saturday 18th October, when she vanished.

First-year Theatre student Rufus Rose told The Tab: “I got home from Fruity at about two in the morning on Saturday and noticed Teresa wasn’t on the balcony anymore.

“I assumed one of my housemates had taken her down because she was starting to deflate.

“It was a dark night so I managed to walk past all of the other ways the militia had attacked our house when getting into bed.”

The next morning a stunned Rufus discovered their door had been daubed in red paint.

“I was leaving the house and I noticed our front door had been marked with some weird red logo.

“I assumed it was been some chavs tagging their gang’s name on our house”

A fellow resident then discovered the terrifying letter, put together with cuttings from magazines, perhaps Zoo or Nuts.

They are unable to shift the graffiti from their front door and have had to ring their landlord to sort it out.

They have appealed for Theresa’s safe return, saying they would pay handsomely to “see” her again.

Though the group of seven all-male housemates are desperate to see Theresa returned home, Leeds Beckett second year Liam Johnstone deplored the actions of the perpetrators.

He said: “In a modern, open-minded student community why must seven hopeful young men be denied the right to celebrate the majesty of the female form in their own way.

“Teresa was an icon and a role model who told women everywhere to just hang on.

“When she clung to the edge of the roof she clung on for gender equality and the right to free speech for the young community in our local area.

“This is war.”

There’s no word on where Women’s Militia will strike next.