Tab tries: Vertical Fitness Society

Because the only thing more fun than exercising and dancing is doing both on a pole…


With over 300 members on its Facebook group, Vertical Fitness is one of the union’s most successful new societies.

As one of those infuriating people who loves talking about the gym and how much they go, I felt more than capable of trying out this latest spin on traditional exercise.

The committee’s advice of “Don’t moisturise before you arrive otherwise you’ll slip off the pole” was well meaning. But, it only served to make me fearful that my aims of trying and succeeding at the sport were poles apart.

These worries were confirmed when I tentatively entered Mine in the union.

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It had transformed itself from a room associated with Fruity fun to what can only be described as every man’s dream come true.

Everywhere I turned there were willowy girls stretching and lunging in shorts so short that grandparents worldwide would have a tutting field day.

Feeling underprepared and overdressed, I joined the warm up. This did not go on long enough for me to feel at ease and before long the girls were defying gravity before my very eyes.

Luckily, everyone there was lovely and did not make me feel embarrassed for being not only a total beginner, but also completely and utterly uncoordinated.

By the end of the hour it was basically impossible to tell who was the novice and who was the pro.

Spot the difference

Spot the difference

Most of the girls there had only attended lessons since September, but I was overwhelmed by the skill, strength (and number of bum cheeks) on display.

It became clear through talking to them how passionate they were about vertical fitness – viewing it as a fun, empowering way of keeping fit.

No big deal

With the sad realisation that I have neither flexibility nor strength in abundance, my back-up plan of being a pole dancer was well and truly shattered!

The little I did accomplish left me achier than any gym workout. And so I left the class in pain, but also in awe at the talent I had witnessed.

The Tab with its groupies

Tab + groupies

The Tab wishes vertical fitness the best of luck with their upcoming dance show!