Campus Safari: Hyde Park Hipster
Our resident anthropologist Bob Palmer takes a look at one of the most common species found around Leeds
Bob PalmerFor The Hyde Park Hipster (Edgius Gapyah), edgy is not a style choice; it’s a way of life. Its eyes smart with the lethal combination of tiredness, sunlight, and being excruciatingly high: these ‘drug-eyes’ make it extremely hard for it to navigate, so expect snail-like movement and very poor depth perception.
The Hyde Park Hipster speaks two main languages: ‘Drugs’ and ‘House’. Therefore, if approached by one and unsure how to act, try to say something about ‘gurning’ to Julio Bashmore, or how Jamie Jones is ‘sooo deep’. Topics to avoid include chart music, Jägerbombs, and skipping the last few songs to go and grab a Big Mac.
You are most likely to spot one of these specimens at Flux or Canal Mills, walking around in filthy hi-tops that haven’t been washed since the festival in some obscure European country that they haven’t stopped droning on about. If you do encounter a Hyde Park Hipster, however, be sure to keep your distance: the edgy way of life frowns upon personal hygiene.
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