Campus Safari: Hyde Park Hipster

Our resident anthropologist Bob Palmer takes a look at one of the most common species found around Leeds

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For The Hyde Park Hipster (Edgius Gapyah), edgy is not a style choice; it’s a way of life. Its eyes smart with the lethal combination of tiredness, sunlight, and being excruciatingly high: these ‘drug-eyes’ make it extremely hard for it to navigate, so expect snail-like movement and very poor depth perception.

Whilst its filthy hair is tamed not by combs or shampoo, but by the most elaborate and quirky of beanies and snapbacks, torso attire tends to vary (as long as it’s obscure and ragged-looking). One thing that is definite, however, is that a Hyde Park Hipster can be recognised by its unusual legwear. Sort-of pyjamas, sort-of not, Leeds students gave up trying to categorise these abominations a while ago; merely coming to a general consensus that they look bloody uncomfortable, extremely hard to walk in, and very, very itchy.

The Hyde Park Hipster speaks two main languages: ‘Drugs’ and ‘House’. Therefore, if approached by one and unsure how to act, try to say something about ‘gurning’ to Julio Bashmore, or how Jamie Jones is ‘sooo deep’. Topics to avoid include chart music, Jägerbombs, and skipping the last few songs to go and grab a Big Mac.

You are most likely to spot one of these specimens at Flux or Canal Mills, walking around in filthy hi-tops that haven’t been washed since the festival in some obscure European country that they haven’t stopped droning on about. If you do encounter a Hyde Park Hipster, however, be sure to keep your distance: the edgy way of life frowns upon personal hygiene.