Room inspections and bad guacamole: Lancfessions of the week

Duck slander is NOT tolerated at this uni

Oh, Lancfessions. Over the years, we’ve seen multiple iterations of you. And whilst the numbers at the end of each page might initially seem confusing, you can’t deny that “Lancfessions 3D: For Norman, the Tree” has a great ring to it.

When they’re not complaining about library-talkers or their degrees, Lancfessions are one of our main forms of entertainment on campus. Netflix who? TikTok what? Twitter? I hardly know her. The only media I consume are the sweet Lancfessions posts (and occasionally their dumpster-fire comment sections).

But in case you don’t have as much free time as I do, we’ve rounded up the best Lancfessions of this week. Think of it as your weekly bulletin, but it’s only about flatcest and the Sugarhouse instead of real news.

Honourable mentions

Before we get to the coveted Lancfession of the Week, let’s run through some of the runners-up.

First up is this person, who put into words something that anyone who’s ever spent five minutes in the library has thought about.

If you’re a seasoned reader of Lancfessions, you’ll know that roughly 50 per cent of the confessions follow the “X person wearing X in the library on X day — I am deeply, deeply in love with you” formula.

Why are all the hot people in the library but never in Sugar? We’ll leave it to you to figure out.

Lancaster, we need to talk. You need to give us the details in your Lancfessions! We’ve been over this; you are my primary source of entertainment. Tell me what happened!

This poor Grizedale student clearly didn’t have the Valentine’s Day of their dreams, and the same could be said for whichever member of Grizedale staff had to go inspecting student accommodation on the big day.

Continuing the trend of unfortunate people, this Lancfesser had an experience so terrible with Spar guacamole that they felt the need to tell the entire uni about it.

Was it merely the absence of chickpeas that made the guacamole so hurtful? Does this person know you don’t need chickpeas to make guacamole?

This is the best mystery novel I have ever read; I need to know more.

Speaking of mysteries, I have absolutely no idea what prompted this Lancfession, but it’s definitely intriguing.

I will personally drop out if toothpick-carrying chads start roaming the Spine, but, hey, that’s up to you!

I don’t even care if this was bait (and if it was, it certainly worked with those 10 comments). The ducks are as much of a Lancs institution as Sultans or Bowland Tower.

I’d go as far as to say that the ducks have more status on campus than anyone from Bowland, but that’s just my personal opinion.

Lancfession of the Week

And the heralded Lancfession of the week is this incredibly concise, incredibly poetic confession in response to the aforementioned duck slander.

They said what we were all thinking.

Fancy being featured in next week’s Lancfession of the week? Submit your’s today on Lancfessions’ Facebook!

Related articles recommended by this writer:

Smash or pass?: We made our own smash burgers at Sultans

24 things you should never do as a Lancs student, ever

The best walks in and around Lancaster for students pressed for time