Which iconic ‘Come Dine With Me’ moment are you based on your college

You won Jane

3 years ago

‘Come Dine With Me’ is a staple of British culture, you can find an episode on TV at any time of the day on a variety of channels, the main reason behind that being that the show gave the world some of the most iconic moments in TV history. From Jane having a sad little life to whisk gate, ‘Come Dine With Me’ has kept us on the edge of our seats since it started airing in 2006, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that when it does end, there should be a week of national mourning.

Being a Lancaster University student, one of the first things we get asked is, “What college are you in?”, and what that says about us as people is fundamental to the university experience. The question we are all dying to know however is: which iconic ‘Come Dine With Me’ moment does my college embody? Well, you can finally have some peace of mind because through detailed research I have reached a conclusion about which moment every college truly represents, and I’m going to share that with you. As a forewarning, only one college can be the iconic Peter Marsh monologue to Jane, so bear in mind that much like the shows scoring system, life isn’t fair.

Bowland – paper bag gate

Much like Bowland, the paper bag gate is a moment that no one really knows what to make of. Despite Bowland being at the centre of things and one of the original colleges, there’s nothing very special about it. Like paper bag gate, you’ll often come across as rude when you’re trying to be funny but as soon as you let it slip that you’re from Bowland college everyone understands that that’s just who you are. Everyone comes to you for an occasional laugh but as soon as you say that one comment too much they’re moving onto the next college. I give Bowland a 5/10 for the night, I can take you or leave you, but neither changes my life.

County – “What about my chest?”

Like Pete, everyone is getting a bit sick of County, it’s embarrassing, it really is, there are nine colleges at this uni, not just you because you’re the biggest one. County college tends to assume that they’re the main attraction on campus because they’re home to the biggest amount of students and take up a lot of space. Quantity doesn’t equal quantity however, on the surface we all see the ugly egg box building that is County Main. To give credit where credit is due, you throw a good party, you have entertainment value, whether that value comes from self-obsession we’ll never fully know. I give County a 6/10 for the night, the hosting was good but the main ruined it for me.

Furness – “You won Jane”

Everyone knows that this is the best moment in ‘Come Dine With Me’ history, the monologue is on point, the awkward silence from the guests is *chef’s kiss*, and the camera work in this clip should have earned the show an Emmy. Furness college embodies this moment because they deserve to win something for once, Furness college is largely ignored on campus as it’s the smallest, but sometimes good things come in small packages so, much like Jane, you won Furness, and much like Peter, every other college is going to be bitter about it. I give Furness a 9/10 for the night, you’re perfect but I’m bitter.

Fylde – Debbie storms out on Richard

‘Couples Come Dine With Me’ is largely forgotten in the ‘Come Dine With Me’ universe, which is something that screams Fylde. People from Fylde don’t waste time discussing what college they’re from, they’re using their time efficiently and being driven. So, the moment Debbie walks out in this clip, is the true spirit of Fylde walking out on the college drama. I give Fylde a 6/10 for the night, if you really want to win you need to participate in the main event.

Cartmel – “I don’t believe this”

Much like this moment, Cartmel expects to win all the time because they spend the most on accommodation and have their own community away from campus, and that’s the reason they embody, “I don’t believe this, I really don’t, you’ve put me fourth”, things with expensive labels and the best presentation don’t always mean they’re the best. Cartmel will often host parties and expect people from the top of campus to walk 25 minutes just to get there, it’s just unrealistic. So for that reason I give Cartmel a 7/10, when you do finally get to Cartmel you do enjoy yourself, it’s just too much effort. x

Pendle – Whisk gate

Pendle are inherently iconic because of their college being represented by a witch, it’s just legendary behaviour. That behaviour, despite being iconic, is also very weird. Much like whisk gate, Pendle stand out in the crowd for their sheer entertainment value, but there’s always and uncertainty to you never know why they did that or what they’re going to do next. For those reasons I would give Pendle an 8/10 for the night, I didn’t quite trust the food but you kept me entertained and on my toes.

Grizedale – Yvonne crashes through a door

Much like Yvonne, Grizedale is known for being a party animal that likes to show off. You prefer to spend your time dancing and getting as drunk as possible, but that does get tiring after a while and, like Yvonne learned the hard way, there are consequences to your partying ways. For those reasons, I give Grizedale an 8/10 for the night, they’re just too much fun to give a bad score, but you feel the consequences of your actions the morning after a party at Grizedale.

Lonsdale – Naked sushi

Lonsdale college, like this moment, is just baffling from start to finish, they do sports but nothing else. No one really knows what to make of them as they’re so far away from campus. Being so far away from everything means they don’t connect to the rest of the colleges, the main thing they have going for them is that they’re one of the founding colleges which becomes the personality trait of a lot of Lonsdale students. For those reasons I give Lonsdale a 4/10 for the night, at least Bowland has a personality.

Graduate – Sardine retch

Graduate college keep to themselves and away from the drama of the undergrads, and I don’t blame them for that. They embody the moment a guest retches on a sardine as as soon as they’re presented with something new to try it’s deemed disgusting and not right, they just want to get on with their lives on campus away from the taste the drama of the other colleges give them. For these reasons I give graduate college 5/10 for the night, they get points because deep down I feel bad for them being on the outside of everything.

A lot of episodes of ‘Come Dine With Me’ are available on All 4 and if online learning is getting you down, I recommend giving them a watch to escape for half an hour.