All the types of people you’ll meet on a Lancs night out

All the people we miss the most

The year 2020 has taken so many things away from us, specifically a good old night out.

Staying out till 3am and sleeping through all your seminars has been replaced by going to the pub, leaving by 10pm and easily waking up for your 9am online lecture. To reminisce of the beauty of those days when we stayed out until 3am, here is a definitive list of the type of people you’ll meet on a Lancs night out.

The drunk girl crying in the toilets

Depending on how many times you dare to enter the toilets on a night out, you’ll probably meet at least 10 of these in one night. You’ll either avoid this person at all costs, or you’ll take on the role of comforter and hype-man. Drunk girl is likely to have been on the Echo Falls for pres and could be crying for any number of reasons; she just saw her ex with his new girlfriend,  she drank wine at pres, or purely for some much-needed attention.

The drunk girl hyping up the crying girl

If you happen to be the girl crying in the toilets… fear not. The therapist for the night will likely pay you a visit in the form of a girl who is steaming and looking for people to comfort. Whether you’re crying about a boy, girl or just having a moment to yourself in general, this girl will find you. Probably far too drunk herself, she’ll plug her Instagram as she’s “just checking in” on the emotional wreck in front of her, all whilst still vibing to the faint music everyone can hear from the toilets.

The sports recruiter

During freshers’ week, they’re everywhere. Crying in the toilets? You should join women’s rugby! Buying a shot? You would be perfect for rowing! This person will have you signed up for trials left, right and centre, and you’ll wake up in the morning confused as to all the new sporty friends you have on Facebook and why they have messaged you: “see you on the court at 7am on Saturday!” – which court? What is happening?

The semi-naked swimmer every Wednesday night

Swimmers, swimmers, swimmers. The swimming socials are the most polarising, in all honesty. Every member goes one of two ways: shave everything, or shave nothing. The silky-smooth man in Speedos, or the slightly hairy man in Speedos, please, choose your poison. Overall, very nice people, lovely chat in the queue or at the bar, even on the dance floor if that’s your gig. Bonus points to them for braving the cold winter months in literally nothing but their Speedos, or occasionally the odd cape (we don’t know why). However, they lose a lot of these points because who’s coming to the club in such little clothing? To freeze outside and become incredibly moist inside. A different breed, but certainly… “noticeable.”

The best friend you make in the queue

So, you’re waiting in the Sugar queue and you sneakily let someone in next to you. This ultimate bonding moment is unmatched. Shouting over the music, exchanging the normal details like what course you do and what year you’re in. Oh, and the all important “What college are you?” You’ve made a friend for life.

Someone having a crisis in the smoking area

Wherever you go in the smoking area you can always spot this person. Loose ciggie in their mouth and glassy unfocused eyes, they are not thriving. They’ve probably downed their drink on the way over to the smoking area and they’re showing it. If you get drawn into any conversation with them, run – they need a therapist, not your drunken advice. Or maybe they need both. 

Your sober friend who reminds you of the everything in the morning

Arguably the best and worst person to meet on a night out. You’re already one too many VKs into the night and you definitely don’t need another round, but on your way to the bar, there stands your worst idea of the night. You see your favourite person, someone wholesome, peaceful and organised, and then there’s you: drunk, stumbling, spitting words, and already forgetting them after leaving the hug. This will haunt you in the morning. They will be telling you every single embarrassing detail from the moment they saw you, until the moment you got home – your personal recount of every detail you want to forget will be waiting to remind you in the morning.

The black box, if you will, of the wreckage that was your night out.

People from your seminars you only see on a night out

You don’t often go to your seminars, and you have absolutely no idea if this person does either, but you recognise them from the few times you accidentally stumbled into one of your classes. Of course they’ll buy you a drink, of course you’ll buy them one! You’re best friends right, but only for the tonight. There’s no way you’ll see them tomorrow, who wants to get out of bed at three in the afternoon?

The queue jumper

The worst person you could meet on a night out. You are waiting in the queue to get a drink; you’ve been waiting for about 20 minutes because it’s a Wednesday night and it’s packed; someone next to you pushes past you as they worm their way to the front. You are fuming but they are too drunk to be reasoned with, so you grin and bear it. Sometimes you have to cope with multiple of these people per queue. There’s one word for them: bastards.

So there you have it, our definitive list of who you’re gonna meet on a night out in Lancs! And if you haven’t spotted a certain type of person when you’re out, it’s because YOU are that person. Unlucky.

Related stories recommended by these writers:

Be honest about your Lancs student habits, and we’ll tell you if you’d survive the jungle

All the different types of people you will find in your Lancs uni online seminars

We missed themed socials at Whoops Wednesdays, so we made our own