‘Flatcest, stealing milk, and messy nights’: Lancs housemates confess their sins to us

It’s judgement day, baby x

Living in shared accommodation is such a fun experience, bringing together some rather gross, border-line scary, yet hilarious memories. Whilst we may deal with these moments rather passive-aggressively, or sometimes under the guise of anonymity, other times we just ‘fess up.

Here is a run-down of Lancs students’ housemate confession. It’s a rollercoaster, so buckle up.

‘Just the casual take someone’s milk for breakfast cause I’m lazy and don’t have any left’

Whilst this is a classic, it is difficult to see something as minimal as this causing too much drama. All things considered, particularly with the line up of confessions we’ve got, this appears pretty tame. Although, this little betrayal of trust could spiral into something traitorous if given the chance.

This particular student confesses to feelings we can all relate to: the regret of not having bought milk when you ran out the day before, the craving for cereal not quite out-weighing your unwillingness to go to the shop. The best of us understand this feeling. Though, this particular student is clearly a seasoned milk thief. They told the Lancaster Tab: “I usually just use the strategy of using different milk cartons each time to make sure nobody notices and still to this day I’ve not been caught.”

Whether this will remain the case… Only time will tell. Nevertheless, we figure we’ll let this one pass, and hope the student remembers next time their own milk suspiciously disappears.  

‘I hate one of them so much that their name FILLS me with rage’

Okay, so frankly speaking, when we think of that one flatmate we hate, we usually think of all the basic reasons why one could possibly hate flatmates. Maybe they are messy, chaotic or loud. But this flatmate might just take the cake here and when we asked the story behind their hatred, we got more than what we expected. 

This student said: “When they don’t have space in the fridge, they demand that everyone else makes room for it.” We are rolling our eyes really hard at this person. But that is not it, part of the birthday gift that the flatmates got for them was also found in the bin. We wish that these were the only two reasons for this student to hate them so much, but it’s not, because as quoted by the student, “they say a lot of backhanded stuff about flatmates weight and body and their financial situations” and “they also talked about how they don’t “hate gays”, just “does not support” them.

At this point, our only thought is that this person surely has a problem with just about anything and everything. Moving into a shared flat is such a gamble, you truly never know who you might get stuck with and this is an utter nightmare to deal with.

‘Once after a really messy night, the bathroom was busy so I threw up in a housemate’s Tupperware’

When we reached out to this student for some deets regarding this preposterous incident, this is what they had to say for themselves: “I just didn’t have much choice, I grabbed [the Tupperware], threw up and then clip and locked it in my room until the next morning when I could wash it up and replace it.”

If we knew our Tupperware had been puked in, oh boy, never again are we touching that. But hey, as long as the owner does not know about this little messy incident, because you know what they say, ignorance is bliss. But in all honestly, they should have done them a massive favour by really just throwing the Tupperware away, but oh well…

‘One of our flatmates loves reading alone in the kitchen in complete dark. Maybe he’ll kill us some day’

This one is creepy, to say the least. Maybe this student is fully absorbed in the book? The lights off must help them focus? Something like that? Or they are plotting world destruction and using reading as a cover for it. I just don’t understand how he can see if it is pitch black in there… What if they are a ghost, are you sure nobody died while reading in the kitchen and now they just haunts that flat? Spooky.

‘Flatcest doesn’t count if you say ‘no flatcest’ after’

Now we’ll admit it, when we first read this confession the first question that came to mind was: is that the sweet sound of absolute denial we hear? After all, flatcest does have a nasty habit of catching up to people eventually. However, this lucky student seems to have made it out unscathed, mostly.

They confessed that things did get “messy” along the way, noting “we didn’t set boundaries” or “talk about our expectations.” At times, there was even cause for “second thoughts” – but in this particular case we’re happy to say things did work out, and the couple are now exclusive and had their first date last weekend.

Whilst this particular case may be a rare one, it speaks to those who may be struggling similarly now. Flatcest may not be the safest choice, but it doesn’t mean it’s the wrong one. For better or for worse, those that partake in flatcest are usually more than willing to take the risk… What’s the first rule of fight club?

‘Skid marks’

I think most people have experienced this at some point, but leaving skid marks in the toilet, especially a shared toilet, when living with complete strangers you have only just met is horrifying. I think I would have to pack my bags and flee the flat, leaving a Post-it note on the fridge letting them all know I’d done a runner. 

This is a pretty common sin from many students. Just get a toilet brush and hope to never get caught, it’s the only way.

‘Walked in on two of my housemates having sex on the second night’

Not going to lie, we have a lot of questions. This one’s pretty loaded. How did you get into this situation? Is your sense of direction really that bad or are your housemates completely shameless? On that note, does this mean you got out unnoticed? Or have you all been harbouring that shame until this day?

Not the ideal impression you want to be leaving on housemates in the first week. We can only imagine the plague of awkwardness that must have followed. We hope this confession served as a catharsis from that day (and didn’t resurface any seriously scarring memories) if nothing else.

Many freshers have sins to confess, being cooped up in a student flat during self-isolation can make people do crazy things. After digesting all these sins, it’s safe to say that this year’s freshers are just like all the others. Getting with flatmates, leaving skid marks in the toilet and stealing other flatmate’s milk, it’s just another average Tuesday in student accommodation.

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