106 name suggestions for Norman the tree’s replacement
Has to be Lewis Capaldtree!
It was a cold Tuesday night when we heard the news of Norman’s passing. We looked out our windows and we thought to ourselves, can you even replace a tree? Once it’s gone, can it really go? Can we truly move on from this? Norman was a prestigious icon at Lancaster uni, a statue of love and peace in our esteemed library. But alas, it is true, they are going to replace Norman with a new tree. But the real question is, what would we call it?
When we sat down to think of name possibilities, we were stumped. But then we started to branch out and the names began to take root. You may not agree with them all, but hopefully they will grow on you.
1. Gordon Rams-tree
This new tree will start barking orders at students to stop looking at their phones and study.
2. Norman 2.0
No need to be sexist.
4. Tom Nook
The tree in the library watches over everyone as they work under the crushing pressure of their degree. It’s a little like villagers in Animal crossing frantically picking fruit to pay off the extortionate debt of their houses to Tom Nook.
We all looked to Norman for belief, as one might say Christians look to the bible. Eve is fitting because not only does it resemble the rebellion of not handing your essay in on time (or perhaps staying in the garden of Eden) but it also resembles really fucking things up for the rest of us, like that one person in your group project that just never turns up.
6. Meghan Markle
Because like Norman, her beauty and elegance was ignored by the mainstream media until she left the royal family.
Sugar’s long lost brother.
Lancs’ version of the Alexa. An ode perhaps to our campus Gods. “Hey sultan-na, how long till Whoops Wedneaday?”
9. Kim Kardash-tree-an
Because after Norman’s fate was decided, we need a strong woman who’s down to play but also knows what she wants and how she wants to be treated.
To watch over those long trailing nights.
We won’t accept anything but designer, a tree which is sturdy and will last a lifetime. We aren’t wasting our money. We are going high end.
13 treesons why
Just like Hannah Baker, it’s a travesty that Norman died, a tragic event which should never have happened.
Because alike to Drake’s 2011 album, he needs to be taken care of.
15. The Arctic monktrees
16. Mr worldwide
An homage to all the poor music choices Lancs students make at pres.
For when the deadline gets scary and seems more like the thriller you watched in 2018.
18. Morgan Treeman
For the Nelly Furtardo fans out there.
“Mantreeter , make you work hard,
Make you spend hard,
Make you want all, of her love,
She’s a mantreeter ”
20. Tree Sematree
Like Stephen King’s novel “Pet Sematary”, it’s a horror to think about how this tree had been misTREEted. The library itself is a tree cemetery. Norman had been living in a graveyard of his ancestors, an iconic yet chilling thought.
21. Treesa May
A reminder to remain strong and stable. Like its namesake, Treesa May will watch you work until you drop in the library then drink your tears to grow stronger.
22. Down with the pay-tree-archy
Maybe she will be a bit of “motivation”.
24. Treese and onion bake
Because we obviously need to know what the new tree would order from Greggs. It’s a Lancs right of passage.
25. Treesy curly fries
The only correct Sultan’s order.
26. Ariana Grandtree
Just wish the sky would Rain on me. Thank you, next.
27. 97% guarantree employment
28. Life isn’t a tree ride
29. Mother Tree-sa
30. Treecey Beaker
Just like Norman, you’re going to the dumping ground!
“Shut up Justreen.”
There for you when you’re too sober at Tabuki.
32. Justine TIMBERlake
33. Birches for days
34. Branch du bois
For the English lit student among us, Blanche du Bois from streetcar is a lot like Norman once was. (Fragile, probably lonely.)
35. Donald (tree) trunk
36. Matty healtree
From the 1975, who else?
37. Harry Potter and the order of the trees
38. Rain on tree
39. Willow smith
40. I bless the trees down in Africaaaaa
41. Leaf me alone!
42. Treet you better
“I know I can treet you better, better than Norman”
43. Norman jr
Grimes was allowed to use numbers and letters when naming her baby. Lancs, meet A4.
45. Storm treepor
46. Birch please
46. I’m leafin, I’m dropping out
47. Rowan hood
48. Tommy Robinson
Because if we’re gonna treat it the way we treated Norman, might as well be a fascist.
49. Leaf it to me
50. Peter Capaldtree
51. Lewis Capaldtree
Wasn’t Norman someone you loved?
52. The duchess of Cambirch
There is no stopping these plant puns.
53. Good things come in trees
54. Tree’s company
55. I’m absolutely pine
You wouldn’t steal a tree? So why would you download an illegal DVTree.
57. Adam Treevine
Because that’s all Lancs students care about. Name everything duck, change the uni name to Duckcaster university.
59. Always be-leaf in you
“Apple bottom jeans boots with the fur and the whole club was looking at her she hit the floor she hit the floor next thing you know? Shawty got willowlowlowlowlow.”
61. Wood you be quiet?
It is a library, after all.
62. Dancing queen
“Dancing queeeeen, young and free, only seven treeeen.”
63. Alicia trees
“New York! Paper jungle where dreams are made of.”
64. MEGAN TREE STALLION
“I’m a savage!”
65. David bowtree
“Is this life on mars?”
66. 21st centree
Here to grow out your 1950s attitudes xoxo.
“Looking at tree? Tell my man shut up.” An ode to stormzy.
68. Fred-tree mercury
69. Bohemian rhapsotree
70. Billie Elmlish
“I’m tree bad guy, duh!”
72. Kate Moss
73. ChrisTREEna Aguilera
74. AMBER LEAF
For the edgier smokers of Lancs.
75. Treesa Green
What a wonderful world.
76. Tree Diddy
“Hey mr DJ come Pon De Treeplay.”
78. Tree amo tree amo
79. Benedict Cumbertree
80. Do you love tree?
“Now that I can dance.”
81. Will you still love tree tomorrow?
82. Shearlock Holmes
Named after Furness’ bar.
84. We tree kings
85. Nightmare on elm Street
86. Elm-o and the Cooktree monster
Vegan Sesame Street.
87. Tree will tree will rock you
88. The treety of versailles
Since you all want war hero Churchill to keep standing, why not name the tree after the real war hero?
“Why don’t u come on over valertree!”
90. Don’t leaf me hanging
These are starting to turn into dad jokes.
91. Root of the problem
92. Leaf, laugh, love x
93. Rooting for you
94. A cuppa tree
Or a cuppa cofftree.
95. Leaf on me
“… When you’re not strong.”
96. Keep calm and plant a tree
97. Lusu President
Because I’d rather have a tree represent me than any of the current candidates ( for those voting RON).
98. Tree’s a crowd
99. Megan Treena
It’s all about watering that base.
100. Girl on the tree
Instead of “Girl on the train”.
Normal trees instead of “Normal People”.
102. Emily Matreelis
See you on news night listening to Prince Andrew say he can’t sweat.
103. Jeffrey eps-tree-in
104. Tree K Maxx
105. Go burritreero
106. Tree-ple vodka coke
Which one was your favourite? No matter what this new tree is named, it will never be able to replace our love for Norman.