If you see these items in a Lancs boy’s uni bedroom, leave immediately
Please no more leavers hoodies
The university bedroom is yours to make of what you will. You can sprinkle fairy lights all over the walls with photos of all your pals, or purchase a wall hanging and tell your friends it makes you the vibiest flatmate.
You’re in the smoking area of Sugar, he’s asked you what course you’re studying and what college you’re in, and eventually – there it is – “D’you wanna come back to mine?” It’s near closing time and your mates are literally no where to be seen, so at the least you’re in it for the free taxi ride. But in the taxi, things are getting a bit handsy, so you think fuck it and follow him back to his uni room.
Boys’ uni rooms say a lot about what you’re getting in for. If you see any of these items in a Lancaster boy’s uni room, save yourself some precious time and just leave. Leave as quickly as you can.
He’s neglected the desk chair that came with his accommodation and replaced it with a bigger, comfier, gaming chair which you will not be allowed to sit on. It’s for one purpose only, which is to stare at that large monitor.
Empty alcohol bottles
They are most likely on the top shelf peering down at you as a reminder that he is proud of how much vodka he can chug at pres.
Every Tame Impala album, but on vinyl
It appears that his adoration for Tame Impala is attractive, but his need to have them on vinyl without the presence of a record player is a big sign, you’ve gotta go, he’s a softboi.
The leavers hoodie
The worst thing about the company of a leavers hoodie is that its never at the bottom of the wardrobe, where it should be. It’s always displayed for your attention, but why? Please don’t make me ask you about your leavers hoodie, please.
A t-shirt on the notice board
Why is there a t-shirt on the notice board? You will find this disconcerting, don’t look pass your gut instinct.
Kettle in the room
Think about the reasons one might have to have their own kettle in their room, it’s not looking good is it.
Glow sticks, anywhere, but worse if they are being displayed. Ask yourself: “Why is this boy attached to these glow sticks?” and determine whether or not it’s worth it from there.
Is he keeping these in his room to prove he is a sustainable queen? Or is he really just trying to avoid going to the kitchen?
A badly placed extension lead
Are you trying to kill me?
Another girl’s belongings
If you see a pile of another girl’s stuff, you know what that means…
Everything but the floor
Understandably uni storage space is not the most generous, but at least make it look neat.
Food in the room
Clearly has trust issues.
The room is in John Creed
He won’t tell you until you’re outside the building, but if his room is in there go home.
A velvet throw
Stylish, too stylish – is this here, for me?
A lone coffee cup
And it’s Lancs uni merch, scary.
A tiny towel on a tiny radiator
What else is small?
Blinds that are ALWAYS closed
Terrifying, what is it about the outside world that you can’t bear to see? Is everything okay? When did you last see daylight?
A bed that is anywhere but the bed frame
How do you move?! Why?
Comfy yes, but he believes his sliders are a statement of how laid back, chill and effortless his style is.
How do you REST? Does he ever sleep? You’re not getting any kind of cuddles because he clearly doesn’t know what comfort is.
A ‘lady’ drawer
If he has a ‘lady’ drawer filled with make up wipes, moisturiser and emergency pads but states to have never had a girlfriend go go go as fast as you can.
Secret spy agent kit
Because he is 12 years old.
Towels on the chair
No duvet cover
Respect yourself enough to not sleep in the rough touch of a duvet without a cover on, what has linen ever done to you?
Why more than one?
An extensive DVD collection, extensive
As in, it’s endless. There’s copies of Mamma Mia 2 and CATS and you just will never understand why. Also, if he doesn’t have a Netflix account, what do you have to gain?
A lava lamp
He just likes to “vibe out with his lava lamp.”
LED Strip lights
To set the mood? He spends at least five minutes showcasing the five colour settings on the remote.
Glow in the dark stars
Definitely leave if he lays back and says: “look at the stars with me.”
Crate of Corona
He will make a coronavirus joke.
And a bag of limes that should be in the fridge
A whiteboard with a dick drawn on it
At least he is getting to know his genitalia in his own time.
A lot of LYNX
Either he’s still working his way through some Christmas gift sets, or he genuinely likes smelling like a Year 9 lad. Either way, it’s not a great sign, is it?