Which Sex Education character is your college?

Sex Education is back! This Netflix masterpiece perfectly blends comedy, young person sex, old person sex, sexual problems and real sex into eight episodes that you can binge faster than actually having sex. Ish.

It's clear that Moordale is an English school that desperately tries to be American – just like how Lancs is a university that desperately tries to be Russell Group. But the similarities don't end there, in typical Tab fashion, allow us to walk you through every college as a character from Sex Ed. Don't worry if this is your first time, I will be checking in every ten seconds to see if you're okay.

Bowland: Aimee

People from Bowland aren't stupid, they're just different… very different. They're Bowland – rough round the edges, but also unfazed and confident. Like Aimee, they don't care what others think, and that's what makes them lovable. Sure, you may not be the brightest but don't worry, your exposure to Greggs means that you'll probably become a baker anyway.

Cartmel: Adam

Look, I’m not stoked about this one. Adam is a great character, and Cartmel definitely don’t deserve it. You could be compared to Lily – socially awkward with an odd obsession, but Cartmel’s geographical distance to the other colleges is much like Adam’s emotional distance to other characters. Also you’re probably the child of the Vice Chancellor if you can afford that accommodation. It's not all bad though – "two coke cans," am I right?

County: Maeve

We're not saying that you're a bunch of "cockbiters" and that's the point. Maeve has to deal with a lot of hate, much like County. County is the largest college, and arguably the most hated. Disagree? Try and spell County without c***.

Furness: Otis

Otis is "sex kid," but not for the right reasons and you definitely give off the vibe of knowing a lot about sex, but also being complete virgins. Trevor has the sad atmosphere of an absentee father and Furnessians are the most likely to organise a party on a Thursday. It's the new Friday after all.

Fylde: Jackson

Congratulations, you're the most likely to shove your hand in a weight machine just to get out of an exam. Fylde brag about being the "home of sport" at Lancaster but we wouldn’t put it past you to join a production of Shakespeare.

Graduate: Mr Hendricks

Like Mr Hendricks, Grad is the wrong kind of nostalgia. Whether you know him from Peep Show or Horrible Histories, chances are you didn't want to see him fuck. Grad students are forced to tread a careful line – allowed into Sugar, but not allowed to dance with the undergrads in the seminars they run.

"And pop it, and pop it. Not at me I’m faculty."

Grizedale: Eric

Their symbol is literally a 'detty pig'. Grizedale bar is effortlessly fabulous, and so is Eric. Not to mention that 2-4-1 cocktails definitely give off an Eric vibe. Eric is loud, colourful and positive – which is needed when you're getting shafted by those prices in Central. Three quid for Pringles? "Jesus is Lord!"

Lonsdale: Ruby

Lonsdale is like Cartmel, but somehow more annoying. Like Ruby, Lonsdale is impossibly up their own arse. Sure you have some redeeming moments, including a strange relationship with somebody from Furness, but most of the time you're insufferable.

Pendle: Ola

Ola's style is pretty alternative so she wouldn't look too out of place in Pendle Rooms, enjoying one of the many beers that aren't on tap. Her style isn't the only thing that connects her to Pendle. Her dad, is Scandinavian, which is the setting for Roald Dahl's "The Witches," which is what Pendle is all about. Coincidence? I think not.

Sexually confused or just unhappy with the list? Meet me in some abandoned toilets, slip me a fiver, and we can talk through your problems. However, I am from Furness, so I won't be talking from experience.