How your Lancs New Years resolutions went, one month into 2020
‘I don’t see how you can improve on perfection’
Since the days of the Roman Empire on the 1st of January, 46 BC, when Julius Caesar urged the people of Rome to commit to "personal improvement", the New Year's Resolution has become an honoured part of every year, as people endlessly quest to fulfil their pledge of personal improvement.
Namely, as to how they can improve upon personally giving even less of a shit about their New Year's Resolutions.
But is this true for the students of Lancaster? We at The Lancaster Tab have broken our resolution quicker than Adam Lambert breaking the sound barrier if someone stamped on his balls in a football boot, but how did everyone else fare? Did you respect the pledge of Caesar, or have you become another Brutus? (We did Julius Caesar in A level English, can you tell yet?)
Lucy, First year, Economics and politics
More and more people have taken up veganism as a way to balance the environmental scales. It even has a whole month dedicated to telling your friends how they're worse than Hitler and probably put bunnies through the paper shredder if you don't eat kale with them. We get it Sarah! You're eating cauliflower! Bugger off!
Enter Lucy, a first year Economics and Politics student who decided enough was enough, and pledged herself to guilt tripping her friends…er… we mean saving the animals.
Veganism is not an easy resolution to follow through with. The change from one diet to another is often more than most people can manage. So how did Lucy go?
"I lasted 4 days into uni and then I scranned Quality Streets like no-one's business."
Ah well. Fuck the bunnies then.
Jamie, First year, Biomedical science
Okay, this one sounds slightly more achievable than dedicating yourself to eating grass, tofu, and grass-flavoured tofu.
It's fair to say that all of us had a bit too much to drink over the festive period. Our friend's grandma, for instance, hit the sherry like a maniac and tried to set them up on Grindr.
With a sloshed matchmaking Granny in mind, it seems like a perfectly reasonable, nay, sensible proposition to drink less alcohol… and maybe keep your grandparents away from internet dating while you're at it.
This is where Jamie comes in. The first year Biomedical science student told us her New Year's Resolution was about alcohol. We were suitably intrigued…
"Yeah, I'm planning on drinking more."
…and then realised we were talking to a student and lost all our faith in humanity. Looks like Jamie can get smashed after all.
Lucy, First year, Economics
The gym might as well be Narnia for most students, as they're as likely to to go on the treadmill as they are to ask Aslan what shampoo he uses on his mane.
But we still have hope. Maybe, just maybe, Economics first year Lucy will be the one to venture through the wardrobe into this mythical land?
"My resolution was to go the gym, and I've been once since term started".
Nope. Much like Tom Cruise in South Park, still very much in the small wooden space.
Belle, First year, Film and media
How exactly was Film and Media student Belle going to appreciate life, we wondered. Do enough crack to knock out a walrus? Tweet about how "You is the deepest show ever omg"?
Hold our horses and consider us gobsmacked, dear readers, for this is one person that actually seems to be taking their New Year's Resolution seriously.
"I just really want to thank everyone for their love and support and just… appreciate life you know? Just appreciate the people around us and be thankful."
That is so beautifully wholesome. Our faith in humanity? Restored.
Becca, Second year, English lit and creative writing
English lit and creative writing student, Becca told us "I tried to give up caffeine for new year. It was never going to happen was it?
"I decided to try it because a customer at work told me caffeine makes you anxious and gives you headaches. Also my sister had a jar of decaf so I thought I'd give it a go.
"To be honest, I don't even think I succeeded with my resolution after the first of Jan. I was hungover and needed a coffee. And that cheap little coffee machine in the library? My kryptonite."
Daisy, Third year, Geography
Third year Geography student, Daisy told us that her new year's resolution was to be healthier.
"I decided to do it because I wanted to be more physically healthy, and happier in my body. I've stuck to it and lost 8lb so far, it's been pretty fun!"
Charlie, First year, History and politics
First year, Charlie told us that his new year's resolution was "to read a book, listen to a new album, and watch a new film every week
"Or try to at least. The goal is 52, and to write them down when I finish them."
One month into 2020, Charlie admits that he doesn't "do much actual reading." Just like the rest of us, he hasn't perfected his resolution, but he's getting there.
Mark, Second year, English and french
Saying that however, we do have an honourable mention from The Tab Lancaster's very own Mark Wardle. When asked about his resolution, Mark disdainfully and flippantly remarked "I don't see how you can improve upon perfection."