Clubbers of the Week: Freshers Edition

Fresh Minds, Fresh Hinds


A new year, a new start and a new contrived intro to a Clubbers article.

Having sifted through thousands of these I can tell you the shirts aren’t what distinguish freshers from the rest of us, it’s the hope in their eyes. Each of them a mini 2008 Obama poster. I bet they still believe their freshers reps genuinely like them, and don’t see them as half a sentence to bolt onto the CV. Welcome to Lancaster. It’s cold here.

Ambitious Dreamer of the week

I bet she's already signed up for 'Doctors Without Borders'.

I bet she’s already signed up for ‘Doctors Without Borders’.

How she sees her Freshers’ Rep

"This had better count towards by Lancaster Award."

“This had better count towards my Lancaster Award.”

Super Sloth Fire

If a girl ever gives him a number, it'll be 3/10.

If a girl ever gives him a number, it’ll be 3/10.

Lad Bible Reader of the week

He's ready for anything, except responsibility.

He’s ready for anything, except responsibility.

Sassy Sailor of the week

Just come out man, it's 2016

Just come out man, it’s 2016.

Most Anxious Person of the week

And the guy's pretty alright too.

Seriously, is he okay?

I think he's going around farting.

It’s like he’s always just about to shit himself.

Sexually Frustrated Fellas of the week

You know, you can always just do it with each other.

You know, you can always just do it with each other.

Lame Photobomb of the week

You're a loser man. Freshers, don't become him.

You’re a loser man. Freshers, don’t become him.

Pizzetta Republic ad of the week

What kind of person holds their pizza like that? The kind that would eat pizza in a fucking nightclub.

What kind of person holds their pizza like that? The kind that would eat pizza in a filthy nightclub. I’ll see you behind the bins later.

Unimpressed Girlfriend of the week

"He's gonna ask me to blow him isn't he."

No, she doesn’t love you back.

Bladder Emergency of the week

"If I stand really still, maybe they won't notice." We did notice.

“If I stand really still, maybe they won’t notice.” We noticed.

Secretive Sally of the week

"Psst Jenny... psst Jennyyy... I want you to finger me."

“Psst Jenny… psst Jennyyy… hehehehe.”

Photo Credit to The Lancaster Photographer