Clubbers of the Week: Freshers Edition
Fresh Minds, Fresh Hinds
Tadiwa MahlungeA new year, a new start and a new contrived intro to a Clubbers article.
Having sifted through thousands of these I can tell you the shirts aren’t what distinguish freshers from the rest of us, it’s the hope in their eyes. Each of them a mini 2008 Obama poster. I bet they still believe their freshers reps genuinely like them, and don’t see them as half a sentence to bolt onto the CV. Welcome to Lancaster. It’s cold here.
Ambitious Dreamer of the week
I bet she’s already signed up for ‘Doctors Without Borders’.
How she sees her Freshers’ Rep
“This had better count towards my Lancaster Award.”
Super Sloth Fire
If a girl ever gives him a number, it’ll be 3/10.
Lad Bible Reader of the week
He’s ready for anything, except responsibility.
Sassy Sailor of the week
Just come out man, it’s 2016.
Most Anxious Person of the week
Seriously, is he okay?
It’s like he’s always just about to shit himself.
Sexually Frustrated Fellas of the week
You know, you can always just do it with each other.
Lame Photobomb of the week
You’re a loser man. Freshers, don’t become him.
Pizzetta Republic ad of the week
What kind of person holds their pizza like that? The kind that would eat pizza in a filthy nightclub. I’ll see you behind the bins later.
Unimpressed Girlfriend of the week
No, she doesn’t love you back.
Bladder Emergency of the week
“If I stand really still, maybe they won’t notice.” We noticed.
Secretive Sally of the week
“Psst Jenny… psst Jennyyy… hehehehe.”
Hydro Flask
Engineering students from Lancaster University shortlisted for prestigious national award
Amy HitchenThe winners will be announced in November
Lancaster University’s vice-chancellor resigns from his role for principal role in Glasgow
Jessica OwenProfessor Andy Schofield has worked at Lancaster University for four years
Here are the top nine Lancaster Instagram accounts you should follow to get all the gossip
Self-care nights are cocktails, GBBO and stalking @Lancs_crush x
We asked ChatGPT how to survive Lancaster University’s Freshers’ Week and it was savage
Jess CowieNo, I will not be doing the YMCA in Sugar, but thanks for the suggestion x
In case you’ve missed it, here’s everything going on at Vibe this Freshers’ Week
Catch me at the brat night on Tuesday
Lancs students: Here are nine lies you will hear as freshers and why you shouldn’t listen
Your flatmate might be fit but it doesn’t mean you should commit flatcest
Guys, Highest Point has been cancelled for 2025 and we’re all devastated
‘It’s not feasible to continue losing money year after year without reassessing our approach’
£2k raised for Gaza victims through charity football tournament at Lancaster University
This is the second annual charity football match
Attention Lancaster Freshers: Here is your guide to some of the best Lancaster takeaways
The age old question: Sultans or Greggs?
Buckle in, Lancs Freshers: Here’s your ultimate guide to Lancaster Uni societies
So you know exactly which flyers to take this Freshers’ Fair x
Omg! Sugar has turned its front room into an arcade, and I don’t know how I feel about it
Catch me at the boxing machine
Married Lancaster Uni graduates earn contract as coffee supplier to the university
Alex and Suzy Carrington graduated from Lancaster University in 2010
Lancaster Palestine Solidarity Campaign aims to raise £16k for clean water in Gaza
Atef, a Lancaster University graduate, is raising £16,000 to install a well in Gaza
Are you a Lancaster University fresher? Here’s what current students think you should know
Laundry on a Sunday afternoon isn’t a good idea
Lancaster University rises two places in the Times and Sunday Times Good University Guide
We beat York by five places
Student excluded for role in pro-Palestine encampment on Lancaster Uni campus can graduate
Joe was given the news following a four month wait during which he missed his graduation ceremony
Students petition for Lancaster Uni to drop charges against student involved in encampment
Joe was suspended from the university for his involvement in protests during the pro-Palestine encampment
Lancaster University graduate who raised £165k for her final wish has died from cancer
Alexandra Angeles Caycho died at home from pancreatic cancer on 14th September 2024
Lancaster takeaway has premises licence revoked after breaching immigration law
The licence holder, Rudolf Collaku, has denied the takeaway’s links to modern slavery and money laundering
Lancaster University denies claims campus will transition to plant-based catering by 2027
‘We confirmed there were no plans to ban meat and dairy on campus at Lancaster’
Hayley Soen
Ranking the MAFS UK cast who came out looking the worst at that chaotic dinner party
Harrison BrocklehurstDid ANYONE have a nice time?
I said it, the Love Is Blind producers need to stop cutting out the most crucial scenes
Sofia AiraI’m sick of missing the moment everything goes down!
Breaking up marriages to stealing boats: Here’s every time Rory from Gilmore Girls sucked
Immy ClarkUnfortunately for Rory, being a felon does not go unnoticed
The top 10 most stressful grad jobs in 2024, and how little money you get paid for them
Claudia CoxNo clue why anyone wants to be a nurse
Before and after: These are the wildest transformations from the MAFS UK 2024 cast
Sacha has lived a thousand lives
A release day ranking of all the songs on Charli XCX’s Brat remix album
Brat autumn girlies rise up!
Explicit ranked sex list that was written by MAFS UK cast member has leaked online
Ellie RingEach person was given a score out of 10
These Freshers’ Week horror stories from Reddit are so feral you’ll drop out before your first lecture
Are we sure first year students are human?
Wait, did this Love Is Blind couple accidentally reveal that they’re still together?!
A very suspicious Instagram post may have exposed a huge secret
A date has finally been set for the P Diddy trial: Here’s everything we know so far
P Diddy will finally face trial next year
Every cringey compliment Luke has given to Amy so far on MAFS UK, ranked by ick factor
He compares Amy to everything from chorizo to a lamp
Emma issues public apology to Caspar, admits she was ‘horrified’ at her behaviour on MAFS
‘Don’t bait your husband at the table with the newbies’
‘In da clurb, we all fam’: Where the viral TikTok sound you can’t escape is actually from
Even Sabrina Carpenter is using it
Outer Banks star Carlacia Grant shares adorable thing about the characters and now I’m crying
‘Finally y’all caught on’
Erm, Polly revealed Adam threatened to ‘leave’ MAFS UK if she farted in front of him
‘I wasn’t allowed to fart because he said it was disgusting’
Who really is the richest One Direction member? All of their net worths, ranked
Those incomes really light up their world like nobody else
Here are all the Oxbridge subjects teeming with the most private school students in 2024
Beware the history of art department
Laughing stock to legend: How Addison Rae pulled off the coolest rebrand in pop history
‘Music is not important – artistry is’