A new year, a new start and a new contrived intro to a Clubbers article.
Having sifted through thousands of these I can tell you the shirts aren’t what distinguish freshers from the rest of us, it’s the hope in their eyes. Each of them a mini 2008 Obama poster. I bet they still believe their freshers reps genuinely like them, and don’t see them as half a sentence to bolt onto the CV. Welcome to Lancaster. It’s cold here.
Ambitious Dreamer of the week
I bet she’s already signed up for ‘Doctors Without Borders’.
How she sees her Freshers’ Rep
“This had better count towards my Lancaster Award.”
Super Sloth Fire
If a girl ever gives him a number, it’ll be 3/10.
Lad Bible Reader of the week
He’s ready for anything, except responsibility.
Sassy Sailor of the week
Just come out man, it’s 2016.
Most Anxious Person of the week
Seriously, is he okay?
It’s like he’s always just about to shit himself.
Sexually Frustrated Fellas of the week
You know, you can always just do it with each other.
Lame Photobomb of the week
You’re a loser man. Freshers, don’t become him.
Pizzetta Republic ad of the week
What kind of person holds their pizza like that? The kind that would eat pizza in a filthy nightclub. I’ll see you behind the bins later.
Unimpressed Girlfriend of the week
No, she doesn’t love you back.
Bladder Emergency of the week
“If I stand really still, maybe they won’t notice.” We noticed.