Living in a house is superior to halls in every way

You shouldn’t need a cleaner


Why do so many of us go for halls in first year and beyond when there is the option of private housing available?

Old is Gold

Despite the inevitable suffering from living on campus after first year, some people don’t seem to have realised how many flaws halls have and how much better houses are in every sense.

In a perfect world it wouldn’t take an hour to climb six flights of stairs.

Let’s take Furness Standard as typical on-campus accommodation: since you can’t choose your flat and there are 3 stories in this accommodation, there’s a 50 per cent chance you’ll have to climb at least twice as many flights of stairs compared to those living in a typical student house.

Good cardio for bolstering the booty, but in the Icelandic cold unaffected by the tepid attempts of the single matchstick that is Furness’ heating system, you’re going to need the fat.

A proper kicthen

If it had wheels, circuit card would be highway robbery. Many homes in town come with a washing machine included with the kitchen appliances.

Imagine, never again forking over the weekly fiver for a pile of shrunken clothes.

Imagine never having so use those “driers” that perform with the intensity of an asthmatic blowing out birthday candles.

Imagine, never again feeling the purest shame, as you lug your disgusting laundry for what feels like an eternity while dressed like the cross between a hipster and a pirate because you’ve run out socially acceptable clothes.

There’s nothing wrong with cleaning a house

There are benefits to being on-campus, like accidentally showing off your jiggly man boobs to the cleaners while getting out of the shower.

Who doesn’t love having to make small talk for having the gall to walk into my kitchen between 10 am and noon?

By the way, it’s not outrageous to say that 18 year olds aren’t supposed to have cleaners – you’re not entitled to a butler.

When you’re the friend that takes the photo

If your flatmates leave their rooms once or twice a term, then you too don’t want to risk being paired with another set of well-meaning but ultimately depressing agoraphobics.

It would be much preferable to know who you’re living with in advance this time around, as opposed to rolling the dice on being paired with the next Ted Bundy, like some sort of existential gambling addict.

At least you know, more or less, what you’re getting yourself into with a house, and you have no such comfort in halls.