Lancaster freshers 2015: A spotters guide

You’ll see them all in the first few days


Freshers week is going to be busy, with many events and many new people to meet. Don’t be expecting all the freshers you meet to be the same though, as there are many, many varieties.

Here’s a list of a few, which you may use as a spotters guide:

The Keeno fresher

Keano Reeves

Keeno Reeves

You’re always going to get that one fresher who is way too keen – joining every society, going to every event, knows the history of the university, speaks to everyone and anyone, and basically does your head in to join them in various activities.

They’ll probably add you on facebook before you even know their name.

The first time drinker

He only smelt the bottle

He only smelled the bottle

Freshers week isn’t just about alcohol, but it just turns out to be about alcohol.

The freedom of being at uni might entice people to start drinking, of course, this can go well or, not so well. You’ll know this one as soon as you set eyes upon them, that’s a promise.

The already Alcoholic

It's always fun to play "pile shit on the hungover"

It’s always fun to play “pile shit on the hungover”

The one who has gone from baby bottle to booze bottle, the one who knows their drinks better than the names of family members. They could probably show you a good time, or just be wasted 24/7.

The non-drinkers

And of course, the non-drinkers. These people have their reasons (religion, personal preference), and no matter how much you push them, you can’t get them to have a drop of the sweet puke juice. Ah well, best not to bug them.

The off the hook fresher

The rails were left behind long ago

The rails were left behind long ago

The topic of alcoholism brings us to the fresher will just be completely off the rails, doo-lally, a complete nutcase.

You will be able to spot this person from a million miles away because they will be loud enough for you to hear them. They won’t even need to be drunk to be just, crazy.

The sensible fresher

The taste of freedom (terrible food you attempted to cook) can have two effects, it can send you off the rails, or occasionally make you more sensible than you were.

This will be the sensible fresher, who will be there to learn life skills along with doing university, and not prat about. Don’t get in the way of these.

The posh ones

9am lecture attire

9am lecture attire

In the sea of commoners, these people will stand out like hell – they’ll be better dressed, groomed, and sound a lot like monarchy, yes the posh ones.

A posh fresher isn’t always a bad fresher, being from a privileged background may have helped them realise how lucky they are, or it might have just turned them into snobs. Either way, you will meet at least one loaded lad/lass.

The not so posh ones

Rock da crocs

Rock da crocs

Primarni will be their attire, and vodka filtered through underwear will be their choice of drink. The not so posh fresher won’t give a flying F about being upper class in any way, they’re just there to be themselves, no matter how disgusting they are or look. Some may say, these are the best types of freshers.

The Northerners & The Southerners

The proud northerner, they’ll have a broad voice, drink proper drinks, and will probably be local to the area. The way to their heart will probably be a Greggs pastie.

The proud southerner, they’ll probably be mocked for sounding posh or different, or ‘southern’. Their slang will be dismissed too for Northern slang is where it’s at. Midlander? Nope. You’re a southerner too.

The International students

He's even in a frame

He’s even in a frame

The international, the one from may miles away, from a place you probably can’t pronounce. They’ve come to experience the university, but may not have the same ideas. They will either be the most outgoing and friendly, or the most reserved.

Either way, international students are great.

The mature students

The old fresher, the one everyone gets shocked at when hearing the age of. Well don’t be shocked, at least they’re doing something with their life, even if it is attending university at like, 47 years of age.

The Lads

BANTA on par

BANTA on par

You will know when you’ve met the lads – these guys will have come to uni as a group or formed through common (usually sports team) interest. Their freshers will be dominated by BANTA and other various activities to ruin the lives of other freshers.

Already in Relationship

The couple who applied together, and probably requested to live together, this can go two ways, it can either be beautiful, or end in the most ugly fashion. It usually is the latter. These can be spotted being all couply, or shouting down the phone and crying a lot if their other half attends another uni, or worse isn’t by their side for longer

The crier/overly emotionals

Still all pouty in da club

Still all pouty in da club

Sometimes leaving home will be hard for freshers, so they will resolve this by crying until their eyes have fallen out of their sockets. Try not to hate on these people.

The very high heels  

The girl who likes to get really dolled up. She will take at least… all day to get ready and will still hold you up before you leave for the freshers event. Oh, and her heels will probably be in her hand before the night ends.

The useless/unprepared

The one who will come to uni with zero knowledge on how to life (e.g. use appliances), one bag containing a few pairs of clothes, and a spoon. These folk will be the ones using your cutlery more than you and borrowing your stuff. Easy to spot as you’ll be fuming at them most of the year.

The overprepped

Sometimes, preparation can be taken too far. This person can also be known as a keeno, but they will also be easy to spot as they will have the cutlery for any situation, and will probably have supplies for a zombie apocalypse or a sharknado.

The already famous

The one fresher who everyone will know before uni has started, the one who has got famous through facebook posts on freshers pages, or by other means. They will be a celebrity until freshers week has ended, where they become just another fresher.

The druggie

Smoke weed erry dai and all that

Smoke weed erry dai and all that

You’ll always get that one fresher who enjoys some banned substances. They will also be easy to spot as they will probably offer some to you.

The Nerd 

Again, can be classed under keeno – the one who will bring around 15 notebooks and 40 different coloured binders to organise their notes. They will probably do really well, but will be rather comical in the process.

The science student 

Nothing like some PPE

Nothing like some PPE

These will probably be the quiet freshers, the ones who dress casual, and possibly the ones who are most organised. This won’t always be the case, as to do any science, you need to be slightly crazy, so some science students may surprise you.

The arts student

Arts students may be the more eccentric, attractive ones who are very calm but also crazy, dress just that bit more artsy than others, and will be deep when it comes to things like the colours of the accommodation curtains.

The musician

Literally Hendrix

Literally Hendrix

Another easy to spot fresher, as they will have posters of various music legends plastered around their room, and they will whip out their instrument at whatever chance they get. They will probably wear articles of clothing related to music and listen to music and just, be music.

The sporty one

They will walk around in their track suits and trainers, talking about sports, doing sports, going on runs, and being sporty. They won’t be hard to miss at all as they will make you feel like a useless lump of skin.

The quiet one

There will be a quiet one, not much to say, doesn’t really want to do much – but they’ll have their reason, even if it is murderous.

The stunner

Espesh the guy on the right

Espesh the guy on the right

Everyone will be after this fresher, they’ll be the talk of the town. You’ll be weak at the knees every time you see them.

The fancy dresser

It is I, BoxLAD

It is I, BoxLAD

They will be very obvious, as they’ll love to dress in ways that you will notice them, even if they are dressed as a box on LSD.

Which one do you think you’ll be?