The GKT Women’s football Girls are back and they’re ready to smash RUMS
RUMS don’t stand a chance
Welcome to The King’s Tab’s coverage of London Varsity 2020, bringing you the wildest stories from the games, rundowns of the squads, and the latest score updates. Anything mad happens at a game? Message us on Instagram or Facebook.
The mighty GKT Women’s football team are fired up and ready to score another win against RUMS. They’ve never lost before, and this year’s Varisty won’t be any different.
Watch the girls destroy RUMS on Thursday the 12th March at Haringey Borough. You can buy your tickets here.
Ladies and gents, I bring you, the legendary GKT women’s football team.
Maddy Wood – Right Wing (Captain)
Course: War Studies
Year: Third Year
Badger by name, badger by nature. When not being compared to animals (another is Hammy from over the Hedge) our Captain is scoring on the pitch and she sure as hell is scoring off of it 😉 (causing a friction burn or two on the way). She may claim she’s got the chat but when is the last time she pulled someone in guys bar who was not younger than her? Captain Woody has made the right wing position her own and no one can keep up with her militant work rate on the pitch. This army girl has begun to apply her tactics on the pitch, keep up when the game gets ‘dog-fighty.’ Maddy plays with her heart on her sleeve – or on her dodgy captain’s armband (courtesy of last year’s captain) and her ‘tiki-taka’ pitch play is enough to get anyone’s head spinning.
Phoebe Read – Centre Attacking Mid (President)
Course: Medicine, Intercalating in Sports and Exercise Science
Year: Third year
The heart of the team on and off the pitch, our President Phoebe Read is a force to be reckoned with whether she’s on the ball or dodging through the bar queue at sports night. Despite having played for Millwall, Watford and been in the England set up, she likes to forget being benched as a fresher for her first Varsity. Having proven her ability time and time again to not only create chances but also finish them, Phoebe has naturally taken to the CAM position in our new formation. Once labelled the “fittest girl in Wayne’s Bar”, Phoebe continues to demonstrate her prowess also on the pitch going forward as well as
an unbelievable work rate to get back and help out the team.
Kirsten Raphael – Goalkeeper (Vice President):
Year: Fourth year
Kirsten Raphael, known affectionately by many as Curls and by fans as DJ Kira, has been the life and soul of GKTWFC for the last 5 years. Since starting as fresher goalie for the 1s, Kirsten has embodied everything this club stands for. She is welcoming, committed and a HUGE asset on the pitch. Throughout the full 90 you will hear this girl shouting encouragement from the back. Even a terrible ACL injury at the end of her first year, incurred during Macadam, and 2 years of gruelling operations and physiotherapy has not held her back. She crutched her way around tours and GB nights (ever heard of the girl that got trapped in the lift on sports night?) and crushed being social sec and this year Vice Pres. She doesn’t let anything hold her back and I am so grateful to know she is always ready to save our arses on the pitch. All I can say is #cometoroxy #XOYO?
Charlotte Watts – Right Back (Treasurer):
Course: Medicine, Intercalating in Women’s Health
Year: Third year
Charlotte Watts, aka Kit Bitch, keeper of our club’s pot of gold, is a naughty tank in defence who is as solid in her tackles as she is at necking pints in Guy’s Bar. She’s almost as scared of the front of the bus as she is of commitment, but don’t let that fool you, she doesn’t shy away from marking up gals on the pitch! Charlotte has found the perfect work-life balance, and often combines our trips to away games with her hormone and human tissue courier service. She’s lasted 5 years in our club without unwanted offspring, of which we’re told 4 years on committee, and has personally ensured we all get to proudly call ourselves stash wankers. Watts is one to watch!
Striker: Katherina Lister
Year: Third year
This Colombian Jewel was snatched from the McGill Quidditch Team since 2017 and never looked back. She started her GKT career as a “striker” but this season has been shifted to left wing. Kat-er-ina is really coming into her own this season and becoming such versatile player, coming back to defend, running the wing and doing what she does best, scoring. She is nothing short of a super star being the highest scorer for our team 2 seasons running! We all know that her clinical finishes on the ball is just what we need in the lead up to varsity. Off the pitch she is a crazy reggaton senorita, that loves to bailar into the early morning hours. That being said she will always make it to those 8am board rounds zooming in on her bike with the world’s smallest backpack! Katherina Lister, saving lives and scoring goals.
Quotes: “Her favourite type of wine begins with a B”
“Loyal when fed”
“She got so drunk once, she fell asleep on the toilet”
Tofunmi Da’Costa – Left Back
Year: Second Year
Joanna Tofunmi Da’Costa, our starting left back, is a 2nd year dentist by day and professional Afro Beats dancer by night. She’s become quite the versatile player, able to play both LB and now centre back, with hopes to move up to striker next year. While she has yet to get a call up to take penalty kicks, her constant practice is testament to her hard-working nature. You’ll never spot her without her trusty iPad and iPencil, AirPods in, vapormaxes on – and while she wishes she could flex this hard on a football pitch, her baby blue Adidas boots will have to suffice for now. Don’t ask her where Varsity is, as she’d probably give you the wrong location due to being geographically challenged (is Hong Kong in Japan?). But you’ll be able to spot her by finding the loudest player warming up in hoop earrings.
Lara Kinaci – Centre Mid (Social Secretary)
Year: Second year
Lara is so old that she remembers the birth of the football league. Putting that experience to use, she’s a leader in the midfield and can be heard shouting “Kempe” at any time of the day or night. She’s aggressive in her 50/50s and off the pitch too so be careful if you meet her at a baywatch social…She’s a big presence but a massive pain to live with, and she’s always got you covered when you’re out of position (or crying in DC)
Helen Jones – Centre Back (Vice Captain)
Our very own Virgil Van Dyke. Ellen is always cool, calm and collected calling the back line as our defensive leader. Joining GKT pretending to be a full back, she’s quickly learned her place is at CB. A stereotypically friendly northerner, she often befriends the opposition strikers. But make no mistake, she can and will make the tackle. We saw her score her first GKT goal last varsity, will we see the same this year?
Best Quotes: “Does she even speak English?”
“Loves a cheeky puff of salbutamol”
“Where is she? In the bin”
Skye Willis-Barrett – Right Back
Year: Third year
When you just get “too old” to go out, all you want to do is hang with your hubby and your mixers just don’t give you that kick like they used to – it could only be Skye. Dependable on the pitch, wildcard off … will she be sipping dark fruits tonight and spontaneously decide she wants a night at GB? Likely so. Regardless of all, this right back is loyal, lovable and is always down for a private ginning sesh. We’re crossing our fingers she’ll stay another year as we’re just not ready to let her go yet!
Mia Mason – Centre Back
Course: Politics and economics
Year: Third Year
Mia is an assertive player at the back, always there to encourage and motivate the team. With her speed and match awareness, she is also always intercepting passes. She is brave and aggressive in her tackles, has great aerial ability, and is never afraid to put her body (or head) on the line, once leading to her heaving an egg on her head against Canterbury. Did you know our fierce ginger (get back in your biscuit tin) is a student rep? #MIAforthemasses. When Mia has one too many bevs you’ll find her in the toilet cubicle on tour with goggles on refusing to be sick, hence the quote: “do not leave unattended with gin”
Alex Beevers – Centre Mid
Year: First year
On the pitch Alex has excellent attacking vision with composure and strength that brings confidence to the whole team when the balls at her feet. Unfortunately, the opposite can be said when she’s off pitch where her uncontrollable hair, constant exposure of her abs and wearing of shorts (even in the coldest of weather) puts people on edge. The Mirfield Menace has turned her life of crime around. After once being detained by the British Transport Police, she has since channelled her energy to non-stop running, cycling and dancing, though her dancing is criminal and her footwork on the pitch is much better than that in Guy’s Bar.
Kelly Baker – Centre Back
Course: History and Spanish
Year: First year
Baker on the pitch, Beyonce on the dance floor. Our peaky blinder of the team lets her footballing do the talking. You’ll find Kelly making those crucial clearances and vital tackles. Whatever the threat to goal is, you can trust her to sort it out and get the job done. Of course, it helps when you play in THE Kyle Walker’s boots. When she’s not blocking your shots and sending you the other way on the pitch, you’ll find her either working at Peloton, or writing an essay (obviously). Did you know she gets one every 2 weeks? “The future wife of Jack Grealish” may last the full 90 on the grass, but you’ll be lucky if she lasts longer than 30 on a night out before getting her brother to pick her up … if you ask her nicely, I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to give you a performance of ‘Crazy in Love.’
Anke Conrad – Centre Mid
Course: Exchange student from Sciences Po in Social and Political Sciences
Year: Third year
Anke is a 3rd year on paper yet a fresher in practice. Whilst not ever able to stop saying “in Germany” or “in France….”, Anke has a super contagious smile on and off the pitch. On the field she floats around the midfield and the back. Just recovered from an ACL injury, she always puts in the work and one can’t help feeling super happy after seeing her play for longer and longer periods. Always one to take care of other people on a night out, Anke is truly kindhearted but don’t let that fool you on the pitch, her neon coloured yellow boots will run rings round you! Did I mention she was German?
Best Quote: “I just can’t get drunk off of 17 pints, it’s most likely because I’m German”
Guille Joubert – Right Wing
Course: Exchange student in Social and Political Sciences
Year: Third Year
“I’ll come to GB next week, I promise” is something you hear from Guille every single week. Excuses vary a lot, reaching from “cba” to “dude, I have Chinese on Wednesday” or even better “sorry babe, going to Madrid.” With a rate of two show ups at Guys Bar but an incredibly high level of team spirit regardless, this Francoise proves to everyone what makes a team player. The famous quote “in France, I used to be a bitch… ahhh wait, I think I might still be” shows what a badass this stunner is in her private life. Badass also on the pitch, Guille sprints for every single ball and is extremely smart at positioning herself to receive the ball – the perfect winger. Off the pitch she cares as much about people as she does for her Masters (“I’m having a freak-out about my masters lol”) and has the perfect advice for any possible life situation you can imagine. Combine all the above, you end up with a 10/10.
Laura Kempe – Centre Defensive Mid
Year: first year
This little tank in midfield is technically gifted with sleek footwork. I just wish she could apply this mentality to her pitiful Guys Bar outfits, it would save her a lot of gin! She will tell you she’s trying to quit smoking, but we’ve noticed she’s failing by whipping out another cigarette an hour later on a night out. Laura has become our very own bachelorette, not out of choice though, by being moved into the Hilton thanks to Champion Hill Residence!
Best Quote: “I’m hoping GKT won’t ruin gin for me, but you just never know”
Amarah Udat – Left-Wing
Year: First year
Is she a London girl or an Essex girl? Claims to be from London but her accent says otherwise. Maybe she should be on Love Island 2021? What else about this girl is a lie? She never consumes, never smokes, never curses, she’s always precise and never skips Monday’s trainings or school I bet, she also never comes to Guys Bar, ever … and hardly any other social really, but should 100% be a Social Sec. One of the aforementioned may be a lie. On the pitch this left-footed multi-talent plays not only left winger but can also play as left back and she makes it all look easy because of her amazing footwork and composure.
Inger Berstad – Centre Mid
Course: Adult Nursing with Biological Studies
Year: First Year
This Norwegian and Russian first year has travelled all over the world, just wait until she lists you all the languages she knows! She’s the biggest princess on the team; catch her in her bright pink underlayer, full face of makeup and perfect hair. She plays in the midfield but don’t be fooled by her image, she’s certainly not a typical blonde on the pitch!In case she hasn’t already told you, her sister is the best ice skater in Hungary (get to know) but she’s probably already shown you the insta as she writes all the captions.
Melina Kilen – Centre Defensive Mid
Year: First year
Having only joined in January, Melina is the newest member in our team. She has very quickly settled in and we are lucky to have her. Known for always being wrapped up in too many layers at training, this quick footed holding midfielder will give any opposition a tough game.
Team Coach: Mervyn McKinley
This is Mervyn’s first season coaching a women’s football team and he has done nothing but prove himself. His scouting skills acquired in the Norwich academies helped refine the team and his coaching skills provide the feedback and encouragement we all need to improve technically. He’s biggest philosophy is “give 100%, leave everything on the pitch” so, on game days he is focused and pulls everyone in line, making sure we’re all ready to pull our weight. However, there’s more to him than meets the eye: he’s a surprisingly good cook, cardboard box game veteran and the ultimate sass pot! (he’s single ladies xxx). If that isn’t enough, under his lead we are aiming to win 6 trophies this season. Quite simply he’s just one of the gals!
Best quote: “Mervyn where’s our feedback?”
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