Meet the King’s Hockey boys ready to annihilate UCL at Varsity on the 10th of March
They love The Beers™
King's will be playing UCL at their home ground of Honor Oak Park on the 10th of March. Buy your tickets here. See the squad below, along with some choice descriptions of their characters provided by their teammates.
Captain: David Stephens, second year History
"Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery, or the right train to an away game."
"A general moron."
James "Simmo" Simpson, third year History
"Nasty little hobbit."
"Will purposely fail this year to stay in uni longer."
"His twin sister is the only female he talks to."
"Likley to propose on nights out."
Tom Makin, first year Geography
"Lived the first two weeks as a true fresher… until The Beers™ affected his off-field performance."
"Doesn't put out."
Henry "Hennerz" Griffiths
"Biggest lightweight in the club."
"Gets very deep after a sip of Dark Fruit."
"Can make Dark Fruit from scratch."
"I reckon his hair would go nicely with some soy sauce."
Giampaolo Spinella, BA in European Politics
"Just a taller, Italian version of Hennerz."
"No motivation or interest in playing hockey whatsoever."
Vishy de Silva, third year Molecular Genetics
"A visual representation of the word 'mess'. "
"Loves The Beers™ more than hockey."
"Doesn't know his limits."
"Doubt he's ever been sober."
"Only in the team to add ethic diversity."
Charlie Williams, Post Grad International Political Economy
"Gives in to the attraction of Piccadilly Institute almost every week."
"His love for The Beers™ has landed him in awkward female situations."
"Always up for a sick insta."
"Also doesn't know his limits."
President: Mark Smith, third year Maths
"Just follows Vishy around as he has no other friends."
"Wishes he was as cool as Doug."
"Been kicked out of Piccadilly Institute more times than he's scored this year."
Ethan Kim, Post Grad Biomedical Science
"Drinks a beer every minute."
"Just an old man desperate to relive his youth."
"Will be hosting the Varsity afterparty."
"Will be doing the centurion challenge during the game."
Doug Solden, Post Grad Global Health, Conflict and Security Studies
"Very weird chat."
"Better chat than Mark."
"Follows Charlie around everywhere."
"Simmo's twin sister is probably the only girl he talks to."
Matt Morgan, second year Theology
"Probably the nicest bloke on the planet."
"Are you ready to repent for your sins?"
Peers Lyle, Post Grad War studies
"Spent more time at PI than actually playing for King's."
"Should really find some friends his own age."
Coach: Ritchie Hildreth, Masters student
"Does nothing spectacular."
"He's Canadian, so he's an Olympian on the basis that he can hold a stick."
"Pretty bland. Next."
Will Andrews, first year War Studies
"He plays hockey sometimes."
"More of a social member than anything."
Iliya Noor, second year Law
"An average fella with above average intelligence."
"Never goes out due to the invisible ring on his left hand."
"Will be three hours late to Varsity."
Felix Kempf, PhD Student
"Thinks a cap and Harry Potter sunglasses are acceptable hockey attire."
"At the same time, too."
Duncan McEwan, second year Politics
"Forehead bigger than Hennerz's career prospects."
"Honestly, you could land a plane on that forehead."
Max Molden, Post Grad Political Economy
"An alright bloke tbf."
The game is on Saturday 10th March at Honor Oak Park, Brockley Rise, SE23 1NW. noon – 4:45pm. If you wish to purchase tickets, please follow this link.