We calculated better ways for Theresa May to spend £1bn instead of on the DUP bribe

After winning the June 8th elections to ensure they maintain a majority seating in the House of Commons, the Tories donated £1bn to their new coalition party, the abstruse Democratic Unionist Party.

This spurred a hefty amount of controversy as it goes against the Barnett formula which allocates a specific percentage of the total extra funding in the UK to each of the nations within it, according to their population.

But hey! There are tonnes of areas in which this hefty £1bn could have been spent on instead. We've created a deal of our own to see what that money could be spent on instead of the DUP.

400 million mosquito nets

Investing in mosquito nets and wells to any of the many countries the UK has screwed over after colonising them… maybe it's time to Bill Gates the crap out of humanitarian expeditions.

Malaria kills 250,000 under the age of 5 each year according to Red Nose Day Appeal, with one net costing just £2.50. The government could have bought 400 million mosquito nets if it chose to.

Which means, theoretically, the UK government could fund 250,000 nets each year, for the next 1,400 years. Eradicating deaths by malaria-carrying mosquitos in children under 5 completely.

Good ole Davina

As well as the mosquito nets, the UK government could have bought 166,666 wells that cost around £6000 each to build in places like Africa and Haiti according WaterWellsForAfrica, potentially saving millions.

Money = Life

A rise in teaching salary

Teaching starting salary on average is £22,000, which often goes up to around £35,000 after 10 years with the current pay scale. Theoretically, May could afford to pay the starting salaries of 45,454 new teachers in a year, or 4,545 teachers each year for the next 10 years.

How long is his flipping tie

We could actually afford to go out in London

Fabric: For £1bn you could get every cocktail on the menu every night for the next 7281 and 1/2 years.

Tiger Tiger: For £1bn you could buy every bottle of champagne on the menu every night for the next 7116 years.

Club Aquarium: For £1bn you could buy every shot on the menu everyday for the next 81,782 years.

Oi Oi

Having 1bn to spend at King's never looked so good

Strand Waterfront: 299,423 pints of Kronenbourg every day of your entire 3 year degree. You could also buy every shot on the menu over 11,000 times over everyday of a 3 year degree.

Beloved

Guy's Bar: Every cocktail on the menu 16,650 times over for every day for the rest of your degree.

Per Student: You could also make yourself very popular by buying each student in the entire King's family this year 37 pints of Carlsberg from Guy's or Waterfront everyday.

Cheers to debt!

Pay off debt to the EU

For starters, the Tories could have taken this opportunity to contribute to paying off the colossal £21bn debt to the European Union.

Or slowly start preparing for the upwards of £50bn divorce bill (what can I say… I guess the UK should have signed a prenup?).

Cheaper rent and better housing

Sure, somewhere between London Euston and Glasgow station on the London Midland train, there is a place, where housing is cheap (like we’re talking decent prices cheap…). However, us Londoners are deprived of this luxury having to pay a kidney’s worth of rent every week.

Not to add that all that money could have been spent on ensuring apartment blocks, home to thousands of people, don’t blow up like Despacito on the “hottest chart” list!

Conclusively, whether it be serious political issues or just aspects of life only the few care about, this £1bn DUP gift will go down in history as one of the most significant political deals this century, Cameron had the coalition, perhaps this is May's time to buddy-up to someone who she once though so very insignificant.