Meet the KCL Women’s Rugby team

‘You play rugby? Are you a lesbian?’… Screw skills, we rate ourselves in the categories that really matter. The KCL women’s rugby team can maintain class and kick ass, and they will prove it at their Varsity Match Friday! Make sure you come see what these KCL ladies are capable of!

Meet the team ready to defend their title and save Varsity once more:

Chloe fly-half/centre – Chlo, cap, el capitan, snek, bab, man of the match, tree hugger, wetty

Years played: 2

Commitment: 5/10 – Went on a ski while we played most important league game of the season

Sports night factor: -10/10 – lives for the library sesh

Banter: 5/10 – tries hard to be tough, is really just a big softie

Flirt: 11/10 – Converted Jess, need we say more…

Readiness for Varsity: 9/10 – decent kicker; still doesn’t know any rules

 

Cece, scrummie/fly-half – Ceez (by gym coach Dave <3), Prez, Great Dane, Asia wannabe, The Living Meme, Waterfront Wanker #2, Train-spotter

Years played: 4

Sports night factor: 4/10 – ‘Marie-Lys, if I go to Walkies again: STOP ME’, ‘but guys, I have a 9am’

Commitment: 9/10 – Lives in rugby house™ with Treasurer, can count 4 years’ missed trainings on 2 hands

Banter: 9/10 on team, 0/10 around straight boys

Flirt: 5, but thinks her memes make her a 10

Average no. of phlegms per match: 16

Readiness for Varsity: 5/10 – Screams a lot, doesn’t do anything herself

 

Marie-Lys, centre – ML, Mary, Pattypan, Treasurer, French fry, Five-foot-and-french

Years played: 2

Sports night factor: 8/10 – Only forced to leave when she has to take wrecks home a.k.a. Nav, Reagan, Cece

Times she’s not caught a ball: -2

Commitment: 8/10 – Occasionally threatens to return to fencing)

Banter: 2/10 – *Incomprehensible French*

Flirt: 4 – In Temple Bar-committed relationship atm

Readiness for Varsity: 9/10 – Let’s just say Royal Hoes (RHU) had to double mark her… watch out, WhoCL…

 

Jess, back row – Jessicaaarh, Jessie, Phil, mate

Years played: 2

Sesh factor: 10/10 – Oh you don’t mean gym sesh??… then 2

Commitment: 11/10 – Breaks leg, back after 2 weeks

KCLWRFC tattoos acquired on Tour: 1 (convinced everyone else to get one too)

Banter: 9/10 – chats up refs, physios, coaches, captains, opposite team

Flirt: 7/10 – 2015 Jess: ‘I’m totally not… me and Chloe are just bestiessss

Readiness for Varsity: 10/10 – #Ready, see Commitment

 

Navdeep, hooker – Nav, Lil_Navy, Bok choy, Waterfront Wanker #3

Years played: 2

Sports night factor: 4/10 (Only comes out when she can pass out in the uber Marie-Lys paid for)

Commitment: 9/10 – commutes 2 hours to Berrylands for the sesh

Eyebrows saved from bad contouring: 24

Banter: 8/10 – hasn’t met a ref that she couldn’t sneak her nose piercing around, Essex gal

Flirt: 8/10 – attracts fuckbois like no other… but if you can’t dance, sing and speak Korean, forget it bab

Readiness for Varsity: 7/10 (strong thighs in the scrums, not a hooker for nothing)

 

Melissa, prop – Mel, Ebako, Fixie, softie

Years played: 2 (joined 3 times before actually committing)

Sports night factor: 3/10 (if you pay for her jägerbombs: 10000/10)

Times she’s cried in da klerb: 7

Commitment: 8/10 – lives in Greenwich and didn’t join GKT #score

Banter: 2/10 – asks Cece to write the angry emails

Flirt: 6/10 – tries and fails, but becomes twerk-o-mat at summer dinner

Readiness for Varsity: 8/10 – deadly tackles, ‘WHERE DID SHE COME FROM??’

 

Emma, flanker – Em, Hassard, Hazz, creep, potato head, Ireland

Years played: 3

Sports night factor: 9/10 (lives for the sesh + Baywatch song, though would rather go to Heaven/G-A-Y/Aphrodyke/DC…)

Commitment: 4/10 (known GKT infiltrator)

Banter: 8/10 around other Irish brethren, 1/10 around internationals (‘I don’t understand her accent…?’)

Line-out conversion score: 99 #sneaky

Flirt: 9/10 – no one is safe, lads and gals

Readiness for Varsity: 15 – also number of positions she can play

 

Sarah, flanker/centre – Funk, Funkytown, Traitor, Resident American #1

Years played: ages (old as balls)

Sports night factor: 9/10 (‘sports at night?? sounds great, I love sports!!’)

Commitment: 999/10: dates WhoCL rugby player -> gets into King’s -> joins KCL rugby team -> plays against girlfriend #dare

Intelligence: 10/10 (see Commitment section)

Number of in-match injuries: 0

Number of serious non-rugby injuries aka. What-the-hell-are-you-doing-in-your-spare-time: 3

Flirt: 4/10 – lives with girlfriend, has cutest dog on the planet, bakes cookies

Readiness for Varsity: 5/10 – broke her finger, but nothing a lil amputation can’t handle (= she’s ready)

 

Joy, prop – Slay-joy, JeSuisJoy, Resident American #2, Vomatron, Team Roast Victim, Tennessee, Kuunntttrrryyy, drunk fresher #1

Years played: 1

Sports night factor: extreme – even gets sick during matches

Love for Berrylands: 9000/10 – will even go when we don’t have training (always check group chat, bab!)

Commitment: 8/10 – Does the split for the squad, even when she rips her shorts

Intelligence: 2/10 – Does the split for the squad, even when she rips her shorts

Banter: 9/10 – Only went to sarcasm nation UK to finally be understood

Vom-o-meter: 50 throughout season and counting

Flirt: 4/10 – No ladies in sight, has unrequited male crush + Neil

Readiness for Varsity: 7/10 – Just scored her first (official) try, will likely be sick on someone, WhoCL or not

 

Ree, wing/flanker – Rey, Renay, Otto, 75k, Resident American #3, Welcome Y’all

Years played: 1

Friday 7am team gym factor: 1000, can squat small hippo, also have you seen The Biceps™

Commitment: 9/10 – took plane from New York to make a match, lives way north, abandons one-on-one supervisions for matches

Number of goals posts tackled: at least 2

Flirt: 3/10 – super cute but super hitched; goal posts could get it

Readiness for Varsity: 8/10 – absolutely lethal tackles, will say sorry afterwards

 

Angharad, hooker/flanker – Harry, haz, Wales, medic

Years played: 1 (‘does it count that I’m Welsh?’)

Sports night factor: 2/10 – didn’t come out for 80s night, slagged off Whitney

Commitment: 12/10 – does medicine, didn’t join GKT

Intelligence: 2/10 – known Brexit voter with 1/3 of team being internationals

Banter: 3/10 – ask about her course/Wales/rugby, prepare to listen for a long time

Flirt: 3/10 – no sign of life, but she looks so cute

Readiness for Varsity: 6/10 – if she stops ref-bashing, she’s lethal

 

Tash, prop/back row – Cambridge, Sice, Tazzh, Screamer

Years played: 1

Sports night factor: 1/10 – missed initiation (!!!!)

Commitment: 5 – brings brownies to matches (score!) but (!!!!) missed initiation (!!!!)

Banter: 2/10 – Cambridge-born; food often subject of conversation

Intelligence: 3/10 – lives with godless scum in intercollegiate halls, thinks they’re ‘nice’ and ‘friendly’

Flirt: 7/10 – come and get her, lads; girls: spicy challenge

Readiness for Varsity: 8/10 – 50% of tackles are pure screams #scarefactor

 

Rosie, flanker/second row – Cutie, Barnes, RoRo, Cece 2.0 (by Cece)

Years played: 1

Sports night factor: poor, but drinks & arm-wrestles well so solid 3/10

Rejections of Cece’s motherly love: too high

Tackles per match: infinite

Flirt: 8/10 – ‘that’s not a hickey, someone scratched me in the ruck!!’

Readiness for Varsity: 10/10 – Will smile sweetly as she annihilates, watch out

 

Reagan, flanker/centre – Reekz, Ronald Reagan

Years played: 1 (2 if she hadn’t been shit, though compensates on Wednesday nights)

Sports night factor: 8/10 – only non-shit fresher with Lucia and Joy

Commitment: 7/10 – on track for ‘Miss 7am Fitness 2017’ before her concussion

Banter: -5/10 – laughs too loudly at Pres’s bad jokes

Does she think life is a gift? 10/10 she does

Flirt: 9/10 – managed to pull in smurf costume = team Flirt idol

Readiness for Varsity: 80% will tackle, 90% will catch a ball, 100% will cry

 

Emma K, scrum-half – Scotland, Em, Kinnairrrrrd

Years played: 1

Age: grey hairs

Sports night factor: 6/10 – on the prowl always, lace dress out, solid fancy dress efforts

Commitment: 10/10 – 120% subject to group pressure, abandons PhD for matches and committee positions, official Miss 7am Fitness 2016

Gains from performance training: 8/10 – can’t get guns through single doors anymore

Banter: 6/10 – cries during Laser Tag, aims for Media Sec next year

Flirt: 8/10 – confirmed bi, embodiment of ‘tits out for the team’, hunting for freshers

Readiness for Varsity: 6/10 – solid ball-grabbing, but left-handed and Scottish

 

 

Harriet, prop/second row – Harrie, top lad, ‘that blonde prop’, Waterfront Wanker #1

Years played: as many years as Wales hasn’t won a world cup

Age: older than Emma K  (=OLD)

Sports night factor: Gone from solid 10 to -1 (works on sports nights!!)

Commitment: 09 – the year she started unay #ForeverKings

Manager skills: 10/10 – License to kill (= can kick us out of Waterfront)

Flirt: 9/10 – dates old coach #nice #welldone (inspiration for that one hockey fresher)

Readiness for Varsity: 11/10 – we call her ‘the wall’…

 

 

Thivia, wing/centre – Thiv, Thivaliva, Tib, Tiff, Thibia (said with broken nose)

Years played: 1

Sports night factor: 4/10 – did come out that one time, got drunk and told us how she loved her best friend’s boyfriend

Commitment: 8/10 – 13,000 words and an MA due? No worries, more rugby

Confirmed kills: 4 (was previously in the Royal Air Force)

Flirt: 9/10 – (see Sports night factor)

Readiness for Varsity: 8/10 – Thiv is 74.6% leg

 

 

Yvonne, wing – Ghana, daddy-long-legs

Years played: LONG (somewhere in the deep South (=UKent), they cry her name in their sleep… ‘Yvonne… with the face of a Victoria’s Secret model and legs of Usain Bolt… come back’)

Sports night factor: 2/10 – ditched us for Drake (our very own Marvin’s Room)

Commitment: 8/10 – studies immunology, was gonna join GKT, met us at Freshers Fair, the rest is history

Number of likes more than Cece on her Varsity picture: 21

Number of times Cece cried over above fact: 3

Degrees finished before deciding to do dentistry instead: 2

Readiness for Varsity: 9/10 – can basically cover whole pitch in 3 steps

 

 

Lucia, second row – Yucia, Lulu, Chichichichichi, drunk fresher #2

Years played: 1

Sports night factor: 9/10 – never drank before joining, compensates by downing 1.5 pitchers of snakebite in 2 hours at Centurion, doesn’t get sick in Uber or Cece’s bed #CHAMP

Commitment: 10/10 – suffered extra spicy pizza in silence on movie night to not offend ML (that’s how you get on the V-squad, gals)

Banter: 5/10 – always present, knows all secrets by now, dark horse in the group chat

Flirt: 6/10 – friend-zoned Helen’s mate on army night #ouch #heartbreaker

Readiness for Varsity: 7/10 – silent, but violent; solid force in scrum

 

 

Paz, wing/full-back – Paola, lil_pazzy, pazlet, grandpa, jimmy neutron

Years played: 5 and counting – yes, she’s still here

Sports night factor: 2/10 (also her pint maximum – dies at first hole on pub golf)

Commitment: 9/10 – rugby girls come and go, but the Pazlet remains constant (aiming for the ol’ MSc)

Banter: 2/10 – ditched Tour to get a First

Army jacket tally: 26

Flirt: 5/10 – serial monogamist, if you’re blonde and Italian you might have a chance

Readiness for Varsity: 7/10 – rugby is only time she’ll ever grab balls

 

 

Amy, full-back – Ames, Mallett, football wanker #2

Years played: 1

No. of teams she’s abandoned for us: 1 (sorry, football!!)

Sports night factor: 1/10 – has to be taken home by rugby girl while still footie social sec (though she later joined us, score!)

Commitment: -4/10 – missed centurion social and had all kinds of excuses, like ‘broke her leg’ and ‘couldn’t walk’ and ‘having surgery’

Average no. of India trip mentions per sesh: 4 (she really found herself, gals)

Flirt: 3/10 – hates bananas

Readiness for Varsity: 9/10 – will hand off opposition with her crutches

 

 

Mariama, back row – M, Red Ross, footie wanker #1, fake Frenchie, feisty

Years played: 2

French diffusion rate: solid 8/10

Sports night factor: 9.99/10 – every night is sports night (but died at initiation, ouch)

Commitment: 9/10 – Is football vicecaptain -> goes to Paris -> gets girlfriend -> comes back -> joins rugby -> profit

Flirt: 10/10 – super spicy, in the sheets and with the cleats

Readiness for Varsity: 9/10 – red contacts in, fangs out, watch out in the rucks, WhoCL…

 

 

Helen, wing/centre – Wales, carrot, boxer, Dave-hater, Goldsmith

Years played: 1

Sports night factor: 9/10 – knows weird drinking games with Napoleon facts (history society social sec); drunk-bought £20 Centurion costume on Amazon instead of  £2 bedsheet toga

Practices ditched for History ball where her date got sick over her dress: 1

Regrets over ditching said rugby practice: 18

Banter: -4/10 when Wales lose

Flirt: 7/10 – scored coach Dave at performance training Friday morning, didn’t recognise him at Dover Castle later

Readiness for Varsity: 7/10 – flirts by punching guys, highly applicable to rugby

 

 

Chiara, full-back/centre – Italian, Napoli, Super Senior, Keeper of the Cells, alumni-lover

Years played: Infinite

Sports night factor: 5/10 but only if alumni-Daisy comes (and she usually does)

Cells monitored: Many

PhDs completed: Not so many

Commitment: 9/10 – has extended PhD twice to continue playing, aiming for Harriet’s record #ForeverKings

Flirt: 7/10 – easy catch, just take her out for pizza – nurses also have clear advantage

Readiness for Varsity: 10/10 (see pic attached)

 

Afaf, second row – Afif, As fuck as fuck, Morocco, Brazil, Booty Sec, Afafalafel

Years played: 1

Sports night factor: 4/10 (has exams Thursday always??), though if it’s a social with rugby boys: 1000/10

Commitment: 8/10 – Watched us play Varsity last year, joined this year for preseason, looks cute in kit

Illegal hair pulls during matches: 3

Banter: 6/10 – or, as Afaf says, ‘BANTAAAH’

Flirt: 100/10 – on it with the lads; ‘girls, the rugby boys have great personalities’

Readiness for Varsity:  7.5/10 – will depend on good hair day

 

You can buy your tickets for the Women’s Rugby Varsity Game here and we wish them the best of luck on Friday 17th March!

 

Photography by Harriet Orrell, Instagram: @harrie.o.