15 things you’ll get if you commute in London

A seat is not one of them

1. The bloody cost – and you have to pay for buses

I might as well put ‘Southern rail’ as my third place of residency (after home and student accommodation) because I spend so much time and money in the damn thing.

2. The pole huggers – when you have to use your fingers to hold on for dear life























Honestly, I wouldn’t be complaining if I was 5’8 and could reach the straps above – trouble is, I’m barely 5ft.

Imagine this: the train is packed, I’ve already stepped on someone’s foot (bad start to the day) and now I have to stand there, feet apart, trying to balance myself for when the train moves off. Okay, fine it’s packed, if I fall, it’s going to be on someone else (soft landing).  But if it’s just before rush hour, when the train is at half-capacity – all the seats are full, people are leaning against the poles but it’s empty everywhere else- then it can be dangerous. I’d have to spread my feet wider, like do-the-splits-wide to make sure I don’t fall over.

Never in your life will your thumb and forefinger have to work as hard as they do here.

3. The perks of morning lectures – having the whole carriage to yourself 























There’s nothing worse then a 9am start, apart from rush hour. Standing all clamped together, someone with a hot drink, breathing recycled air (sometimes tasting of coffee), your face in their shoulder: hell.

So after your one/two hour class – which you spent sleeping anyways – it’s nice to walk down an empty station, get into a peaceful carriage and sleep go on your phone.














Until someone decided to come and sit RIGHT next to you.

4. Getting the best seat in the house – room for your bag























An empty seat next to you is a bonus, obstruct it with your bag and pretend to be asleep if anyone walks towards you. Mate, there’s plenty of other seats – go sit next to the lady in red!

5. Next best thing – the window seat














“Hi, sorry. Yeah, I need to get off.”

The same time your trying to get out, they’re trying to sit next to the window.

6. The couple that can’t get enough of each other – nice to know things are going well for you

Again, it’s rush hour and the train is packed. I’ve nothing against you, in fact I’m all happy that everything is fab in your life but done try to make it a threesome and rope me in.

I’m just an innocent bystander trying to get to Temple station.

7. Southern railway – the bane of my life

If it’s not strikes (can you believe this picture was taken on a Tuesday, during RUSH HOUR), it’s break-downs, cancellations and late arrivals but whose complaining.














8. Oyster card errors – holding up the queue  























“Come on! Please don’t let me down, not now!  Not with the whole of South London behind me.”

Crap my money’s gone, I think I touched it too many time.

9. The long walk from the end of the train – *10 years later*























You’re in the wrong carriage at the wrong time.


10. Travel students on the underground – you left France for this? 

Every week I bump into a group of students who are visiting the UK. Of course I envy them, I’d love to be travelling.

But I feel embarassed on behalf of the UK when I see them in the dingy underground, not like they don’t have those back home but why would’nt you take a cable car over the Thames or even a bus and enjoy the sight whilst you’re at it?

Not to mention the backpacks!

11. Why do 9am’s even exist? 
















Too much waiting and queues and sniffling noses.

12. Too much walking to change trains – thank god for showers

My friend was saying something about “the horribly long walk to alight at Green Park from the Jubilee to the Piccadilly line.”

I wouldn’t know, I’m the person that that’s the elevator to the first floor, from gound floor. The King’s evelator at that.

13. Strikes – ain’t nobody got time for that






























“A nightmare.”

“Ruining millions of commuter’s lives.”

“Am I supposed to get compensation.”

Spoken by Londoners.

14. The backpackers – what are you even carrying?













I don’t have anything against backpacks, infact I have a lovely brown one from TK Maxx. But when there’s a hundred people waiting to get into the train, please take it off and hold it in your hand.

15. Offering your seat- “do I look that old to you?” but worrying if that would be rude at the same time

I always worry that by doing a good gesture I’ll offend someone. I might mistake someone for being older than they actually are and offer them a seat.

The other day, someone offered me their seat and the whole journey I was trying to figure out if I looked old or pregnant – or both.