14 ways to deal with the result of the US election

A guide for the angry student.

For many of you that found this morning’s result shocking, and may consider themselves to have been ‘the angry individual on campus’, here are a few ways to manage the part of you that feels like punching something – or someone.

1. Lie down and lightly sob.

2. Engage in heated conversation about it with everyone on campus.

3. Drown yourself in Jack Daniels.

4. A small loan of $1 million might also help right now. 

5. Watch videos of Barack Obama’s acceptance speech from 2012 and deny the result altogether.

6. Cancel that year abroad to the United States you had planned.
The epicentre must be avoided at all costs.

8. Or, at least reconsider all future trips to Disneyland.
We trusted you Florida.

8. Binge eat to console your pain from the inside out.
Note: all American foods must be avoided to prevent yourself from being reminded of the result. Farewell Mc-Donalds.

9. Consider joining the Kickboxing Society to let off some steam.

10. Try and watch coverage of the election result to come to terms with Trump’s victory. Then, practise looking as if you accept it.

11. Relish in the fact that the UK has no longer had the biggest political outrage of 2016.
* prays that the presidency has some kind of Article 50 equivalent*

12. Build a wall to avoid those that are talking about it
(i.e. everyone).

13. Watch Black Mirror on Netflix and reassure yourself that humanity hasn’t quite reached one of Charlie Brooker’s dystopias… yet…

14.  Realise that it doesn’t directly affect your student life and use this as the basis of your recovery.