VOTE: What’s the worst thing about King’s?

Can I vote for everything?


Everybody loves to moan. Moaning about uni is particularly cathartic. Needless to say, King’s has plenty of little quirks that annoy us on a day-to-day basis, but which is the worst of them?

The Strand/Guy’s divide

Do't let the prospectus vibes fool you, there's a deep undercurrent of hate here.

Don’t let the prospectus vibes fool you, there’s a deep undercurrent of hate here.

Varsity rivalries are one thing, the age-old clash between Polytechnics and their nearby Russell group brethren is certainly another, but how many unis are as bizarrely divided as King’s?

Perhaps as a result of Guy’s and St. Thomas’s once being a separate uni altogether, those studying north of the river ostensibly hate those on the other side. Meanwhile our resident Switzerland-imitators, Waterloo, remain boringly neutral. It’s an animosity that easily dwarfs that of Varsity clash with UCL.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you interacted with someone from the opposite campus who you didn’t at once point live with? The Strand/Guy’s conflict is like a civil war, between two brothers who can’t and probably never will get along, but damn if it isn’t tedious.

KEATS

KEATS is basically like Dropbox’s well-meaning but slightly less able younger sibling. The use to which it is put by lecturers and students is often mystifying and rarely efficient.

‘Did you read the extract for the lecture today?’

‘Umm… No… What extract?’

‘It was on KEATS’

‘Oh great. Since when?’

‘It was uploaded at like 3am last night.’

‘Of course it was, of course it was…’

Getting to and from uni

Really this applies to anyone at uni in London, but nonetheless you’re hardly spoilt for choice when your accommodation options are either a) Shelling out hundreds a week to live in a shoebox close to uni, or b) Slogging out a longer commute to live more cheaply in a slightly bigger shoebox further out is a ball ache.

Spending your mornings praying to our Lord and Saviour TFL that the 59 will get to Lancaster Place in time for you to make your seminar, or that you don’t get pinned against a wall in Waterloo Station for half an hour trying to escape is a pain that all London students face together.

God help those who have to face London Rush Hour, I hear being water-boarded is more fun.

Bullshitting our way to the top of various rankings

If you believe every ranking that you read, we are simultaneously the eighth best University in Europe and the 83rd best University in the country. The mind boggles. Perhaps it is telling that King’s tends to falter on these sorts of polls whenever student satisfaction plays a part. And yet King’s clings to any claims it can make to be a top-ranking institution.

The Strand Building’s ugliness

Ew.

Ew.

I mean Jesus Christ, we’re in the centre of one of the most architecturally impressive cities on the planet and half of us spend most of our time underground in a dingy concrete block that looks like it was airlifted from 1970’s Birmingham. Ol’ STD looks particularly grim when you look up the road and see gorgeous buildings like the Maughan, Somerset House and the Royal Courts of Justice. STD doesn’t need renovating, it needs bulldozing.

The Barbican Centre

What a lovely graduation venue!

What a lovely graduation venue!

Speaking of horrible concrete monstrosities, those of you who’ve been to a Freshers’ Fair will know that the Barbican is objectively disgusting. You know what’s even worse? The Barbican is the centre from which Strand students graduate. To add insult to injury, our exams take place in the godforsaken personality vacuum that is the Olympia. Ain’t that a kick in the teeth?

Generally terrible admin

Say what you like about whoever runs King’s admin, but they do like to keep us on our toes:

You want the correct information in your exam? Lol, fuck that.

Should we put passwords on the module review pages so that not just any random person can leave feedback on a module? Where’s the fun in that?

How about sending round-robin emails that suggest that the recipients were all chosen by some sort of lottery? Most definitely.

Random power cuts? Praise be, losing unsaved work is great for adrenaline.

An app whose functionality makes you think it must have been the result of some sort of involuntary spasm than actual design? Brilliant idea!

And just for good measure, why don’t we just flat out ignore the existence of Easter and timetable over it? Perfect.

Inconsistent lecture capture

Lecture Capture is a wonderful concept, isn’t it? But even communism works in theory. Your lecturer might stand too far away from the holy, red light of ‘yes-you-can-re-watch-this-later-don’t-worry-get-on-with-your-nap’ and when you go back and listen to it you’ll only hear faint echoes of knowledge you’ll never recover. Also, for shits and giggles, sometimes Lecture Capture arbitrarily decides not to work.

ROAR

Whisper it, but apparently there exists another publication at King’s. We at the Tab are convinced that this ‘ROAR’ is actually a silly myth. After all, ROAR would be a terrible name for a student newspaper, wouldn’t it?

The Tab King’s

Tab articles are like fast food menus. Sure, what they promise sounds appealing, with their attention-grabbing titles and pictures, but the reality is that they are never quite as good as they promise to be and you always feel deep shame after having read one of them; killing your brain cells almost as assuredly as if you were killing your arteries with that Big Mac you ate last night.