I have ‘resting kind face’ – and it’s so much worse than resting bitch face

Everyone has seen the phrase “resting bitch face” thrown around the internet, usually accompanied by a picture of Kristen Stewart or Kim Kardashian, with girls complaining about people assuming they’re stuck up, and constantly being asked if they’re annoyed.

However, a condition exists that is far worse than having to reassure people that you like them all the time (even if you don’t), and that’s resting kind face. It’s on the other end of the spectrum, it’s just as extreme, and it’s just as real. Here’s a few things that sufferers have to deal with on a daily basis.

Getting approached by EVERYONE

No matter how hard we try to avoid it – wearing headphones, trying to look deep in thought or crossing the road – we are going to be approached on every journey we take. We’re in our overdrafts because we’ve given every penny we have to charity, as every collector who sees us thinks we look “warm” and “approachable”.

We’ve been victims of countless sales pitches: paintballing, haircuts, home insurance, and while our faces say “please, tell me more!” our minds are thinking “quick, how can I get out of this?” We’ve even had to give our number to some well-meaning but frankly creepy members of the public, because surely they’ve got a shot with the girl who keeps smiling at them?

Wrong, this is just how my face looks. We don’t know the joy of walking freely down the street with no interruption, but we’d really like it if strangers stopped talking to us. Please.

My face looks like this ALL THE TIME

You can’t pull off being angry

For some reason, even at our most furious, our face betrays us and instead looks mildly amused, even pleased. If you’ve never had the struggle of being absolutely fuming and someone saying “I can’t take you seriously, you look too happy”, then you don’t even know what struggle is. It’s a guaranteed way of making us 10 times more annoyed, but of course we can’t show it, because we probably have some stupid grin on our face. It’s a plight like no other.

I’m actually livid right now

Everyone thinks you like them

Let’s get something straight: just because I’m smiling, it doesn’t mean I actually like you. Forever lumped as “the nice one” simply because of our facial expression, we’ve had to escape the clutches of some of the rudest, most annoying individuals who think you’re BFFs now because you’re always smiling at them. I choose my own friends, and you don’t make the cut.

Look sultry in a picture? Never

Some people think we’re ‘not quite with it’

This is just insulting. People may bang on about “don’t judge a book by its cover”, but once people get to know someone with resting kind face, they’re quick to admit they’re surprised by how intelligent we are. Apparently, walking around with a face like you’ve just been given a compliment can give the impression that you constantly have your head in the clouds, which isn’t accurate. Some of the best minds of our time always have a smile on their face. Probably.

You cannot take a sultry picture to save your life

It’s pre-drinks and you and the girls look banging, but you’re ruining all of their pictures by sporting a massive cheesy grin. They’ve perfected the sexy pout, but if you try that you look like a deranged fish, and the only thing you can make your face do is smile. Not the biggest deal, but you’re ruining all of the Instagram photos and your friends are getting sick of it.

Spot the one with resting kind face

So, those of you with resting bitch face, think twice before complaining about the hardships of no one wanting to talk to you, and the perils of people thinking you’re annoyed with them. You try telling a homeless man that you really can’t afford the Big Issue again, and get back to us resting kind face sufferers.