Best places to cry on campus

Exams are fast approaching, your bank balance is rarely anything higher than £2.43 and half price Valentines teddy bears stare desperately at you in Tesco while you’re trying to buy fairy liquid. March is a tough month. It’s okay to cry.

Here at The Tab, we want to help. We know that we can’t take your exams away or relieve that crippling sense of self loathing that you have. But we can equip you for the inevitable breakdowns and existential crises that are coming your way this month with a handy guide of best places to cry on campus.

As numerous bullshit advertising campaigns will have told you, London is our campus. That’s 607 square miles of crying opportunities, you lucky duck. Weep for every Durham student that has to choose between the library or Greggs to let it all out. We’re the real winners here.

The Tube

Just stay on the right side of the escalator

Openly weeping on the rush hour Piccadilly line may not seem appealing at first but it does have distinct advantages. There will inevitably be someone selling a tissue nearby, everyone else will pretend to have not seen you and nobody is going to tut at an emotionally unstable millennial for disregarding  tube etiquette. 

7.5/10 – there’ll probably be a busker playing Adele to set the tone for your misery.

Amongst your responsibilities

Read it and weep

A great option for everyone that likes to leave deadlines to the last minute. Have you exhausted every other form of procrastination? Have you read everything on The Tab? Have you started writing for The Tab? If so, the fort is your only remaining option. Climb inside and rock backwards and forwards until the existential angst wears off.

9.4/10 – submit a picture to London Met and you might get an architecture degree.

Cash machine

The best things in life are free, apparently.

It’s hard not to cry at an ATM- the bastards promise free cash but never deliver. Despite the temptation, do try to avoid this option, with the sheer number of evening Standard vendors and charity groups that can be found on the streets, showing any glimpse of humanity will result in an instant flurry of flyers and requests for your email address to share promotions.

0/10 –  [email protected] seemed quirky in year seven and ironic in sixth form. Not anymore. Nobody wants to hear that. Save your tears for home.

With Virginia Woolf

The girl who cried Woolf

Virginia Woolf just gets it. You can see the wisdom in those eyes peaking out of the waxwork. On the topic of misery, she once famously said: “Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.” You don’t have a priest, nor do you have friends, you’re reading this so you probably can’t read all that well either. Your only remaining option is to go to Virginia Woolf. She knows. Those eyes just know.

8.9/10 – She’s available Night and Day and she’s In a Room of [her] Own so there’s an aspect of privacy. 

FWB Library

It’s a crying shame

The Maughan scares you. The round reading room is intimidating, you feel the need to be dressed up in case Prince William, David Attenborough and Bear Grylls decide to rock up again and you can never be 100% confident that you’re pronouncing it correctly. The only library that you can feel completely comfortable in is Franklin Wilkins. Put your head in a book, pretend to read and let it out.

8.3/10 – You’d better not be reading this in the laptop free area!

Nandos

Nan[do] cry here

It’s next to the FWB Library and they give you a discount just for going to King’s.

10/10 – Who needs a salt shaker when you have tears for seasoning?