Freshers’ horror stories

Between parties, making new friends and starting classes, beginning a new chapter of your life at university can be intimidating. But whilst everyone else happily assures nervous freshers that everything will work itself out in the end, the following fresher horror stories suggest the total opposite. Luckily for us, it’s usually with hilarious consequences.

– Second Year, History

‘I’m a northerner through and through, so it goes without saying that I enjoy my drink, but I usually keep it quite tame. This all changed at the End of the World Party last January. After hours of getting dolled up and struggling to walk in my brand new towering heels, I, along with about 15 of my friends, moseyed on down to Scala, a club in King’s Cross. The party was absolutely mad, to the point that 7 (or maybe 12) shots later, I found myself alone in the Medics room, emptying the contents of my stomach into an ADSA bag. The next hour is a bit of a blur, but luckily my friends found me slumped over a fruit machine (your guess is as good as mine.), and together we started the journey home. However, the embarrassment wasn’t over yet. Just as I made it past the entrance for the Tube at King’s Cross, I fell down, and I stayed down. Spread eagle. Middle of King’s Cross. In the pouring rain. Taxis full of London tourists and buses full of anyone else trying to escape the rain passed by, all witnessing my tragic star fish-ing. It was a sight to behold. Thankfully, a strapping Dutchman was on hand to carry me all the way back to my halls. The party definitely lived up to expectations, because the next day really did feel like the end of the world.’

– Second Year, Politics

‘As always, after a solid night of getting on it, I was starving. So, I called my trusty friend Domino’s and waited for the cheesy goodness to arrive. Within 20 minutes I was sitting in my room, knocking back a margarita whilst Skyping my friend. I was  feeling drunker and drunker by the second and thoroughly enjoying my pizza. However, it wasn’t long before catastrophe struck, and vomit met pizza. In the middle of my throat.  Not only did my friend witness me vom everywhere, I also wasted a quality pizza. When you’re on a London student budget, you know how much that hurts.’

 – Third Year, Nursing

“Picture this: It’s 4:30 am on a Wednesday morning and rather than being fast asleep, I am in a dodgy Chinese restaurant eating a meal with a group of strange men/suspected gangsters. This bizarre night began with my friend getting thrown out of Penthouse. I wasn’t ready to go home, so when a few lads I’d seen earliere invited us to hop in their beamer to ‘keep the party going,’ I said, ‘fuck it.’ The car was in perfect condition, but our company? Not so sound. However, they’d offered to buy us a Chinese, and who’s a drunken girl to say ‘no’ to food?  We drove for at least 20 minutes though streets I had I never seen, before parking in an alleyway near a little restaurant. We all went in, and as I ate my meal I began to realize what I’d got myself into. I was somewhere in London, drunk, with a bunch of shady blokes I didn’t know and, to top it off, my phone was dead. My friend so drunk that she was entirely unaware of the potential danger we were in, so I told them we had uni the next day and probably should be getting back.

Thankfully, they offered to drive us home and we piled back in the beamer, with me sat in the gap between the two front seats. As we drove into a more familiar area, the weirdness escalated, with the bloke in the passenger’s seat offering us a huge spliff and the driver asking me if I had a driving license. I said I did, and he asked me to drive since neither he nor anyone else in the car had one. Later on, it clicked that this meant our ride was probably stolen.  However, unbelievably, the men dropped us off right in front of our halls and we finally landed in our beds roughly around 6 am. The stress was really not worth the free Chinese.”

– Third Year, History

“On one of my first proper nights out in London, at Roxy,  my friend challenged me to hook up with as many men as I possibly could. I am not one to back down from a challenge, so I bought myself a shot of liquid courage and scanned for my next gentlemen. It wasn’t until guy number 7 that I realised something was missing; my bra. I asked my friend if he had seen it, and he nonchalantly replied that guy number 4 was wearing it as a hat. I, in my drunken state, had failed to notice this public removal of underwear. However, upon realising the theft, I decided I wasn’t going to be the only victim of stolen articles of clothing that night. So, I quickly found guy number 8, gave him a quick smooch, and nicked his Snapback as we left. I may have lost my bra that night, but at least I gained a cool-ass hat that I have kept to this day. Although, in retrospect, the loss of my dignity probably wasn’t worth it.”

– Second Year, History

“In classic KCL fashion, it all started at a Walkabout Wednesday. I met a lad at the bar and we started chatting about his tattoos. He was in the army and, being the American that I am, I decided it would be absolutely hilarious to sleep with one of those guys that wear the fuzzy hats. He had a bunch of mates out with him, and as the night drew to a close his boys and my girls made our way back to my halls. I thought he would be a one off, but the morning after he asked for my number, and things quickly escalated. Soon he was buying me McDonald’s in between grownup sleepovers and inviting me out to comedy shows. Clearly, this was true love.

As our ‘relationship’ progressed, however, I learned that he was not only a racist, homophobic and bigoted asshole, but he had also stabbed someone during a fight. But, I ended up staying with him for two more months, until Valentine’s Day, when we broke up. He was at home with a broken leg, while I was kicking in London. Turns out one of his exes was also up North and soon I was looking at an Instagram of their ‘reunion.’ I dumped him instantly, and although I was upset for a little while, it was for the best. They were back together for a grand total of 6 days, and I ended up shagging his two best friends and his boss. So who’s the real winner here?”

Perhaps these stories will inspire you to achieve better than your predecessors. But, at the very least, we hope they’ll remind you that you aren’t the first fresher to embarrass yourself in front of everyone, and you won’t be the last.