Things you can’t wear after uni

Leavers’ hoodie

You should be three or four years past caring about half the names on the back of this garishly primary-coloured item. When you’re a stage more mature you’ll be given the option to purchase a university hoodie, and it might even have your name and your course on it. Don’t do it.

Onesies

A comfy novelty…but sadly fit for no one but your duvet cover, where you’ll be spending less and less time when you’re a real grown up. All that’s left of the costume that once screamed ‘look how fun-loving I am’ is a trail of cringe photos that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

University ‘stash’

Needless to say, your uni hoodie is just about all right (for now). Your sports team hoodie will also do. Your Harry Potter society hoodie will not. Neither will your “Baking Soc Treasurer” one.

Anything by Jack Wills

Eleven-year-old girls wear Jack Wills because it’s preppy and has the word “university” draped across every item. Why are you still wearing it?

Disco Pants

There’s a time and a place – on a stage performing Flashdance.

Rucksacks

The only accessory that could make even your grandma look like a student. Those two straps (or one if you were naughty at school) ooze a smug childishness that should’ve been ditched at high school, never mind after graduation.

Snapbacks

Three years gone by and you should’ve finally realised that you’re not going to be the next Jay Z or Kanye.

Too-short shorts

Wearing short shorts are a bit like eating pot noodles every day – you know you shouldn’t , but you do it because your mum and the rest of society will frown on you if you do it anywhere other than uni. Your instincts were right –  graduation means the end of peeking bum flab.

Ugg boots

Ask for a classier boot as a graduation present. Great for roaming halls corridors, not so great since the craze wore off about ten years ago.

Bucket hats

Lose them, you’re not crocodile dundee or a mad raver from a Manchester warehouse circa 1992.

Signet rings

 

Unless your family is royal or at the least of noble blood, no.

Tie-dye

At some point, the hippy in you has to adapt. You can keep all the bohemian fringes and feathers you like, but a purple and orange tie-dye does not belong in the graduate world.

Sheepskin coats

You’re not that bass guitarist who made teenage girls weak at the knees in his denim jacket with a hip sheepskin-fur collar any more.

Slogan beanies

Regular ones are cute hats that keep you warm. But slogan ones are the sign of a student. They’re the cocky teenagers of the hat world and come emblazoned with words that mean absolutely nothing like ‘hype’ and ‘wasted youth’. Unless you (literally) like walking around with a dick on your head, ditch the beanie.