KCL vs UCL: who is really better?

They might have beaten us at Varsity, but who really comes out on top?

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As we all know, the rivalry between King’s and UCL is fiercer than Reggie the Lion. So fierce, in fact, that it has its own Wikipedia page.

However, it’s been like 200 years now – it’s time to bring a stop to all the bickering. So, we’ve done a bit of research and come up with some definitive points of comparison to answer this age-old question: which university is better?

Who has the highest graduate employment rates?

UCL student struggles to coming to terms…

The whole point of going to university is to get a job, right? So you want to end up at one with a high rate of graduate employment. In this respect, King’s has got you covered, with 94% students in full time employment or pursuing further study six months after graduating. UCL, meanwhile, lag behind with only 90.6%. Which, you know, isn’t disastrous. But the numbers don’t lie: on this category, King’s is better. Not bad for the Strand Poly, eh?

KING’S WINS

Who has the most sex?

As we all know, sex is a very important part of university life for many students. And UCL has been feeling particularly frisky, it seems, with students scoring an average of 4.44 sexual partners since freshers (not sure how you’d sleep with .44 of a person, but there you go).  King’s students, on the other hand, haven’t got so lucky, only pulling an average of 2.85 people. Better luck next time KCL.

UCL WINS

Who has the best campus?

If it wasn’t for the Waterloo Campus and the god-awful Macadam Building, then King’s would probably have a chance here. However, there’s no denying it: they did a good job on UCL. Whilst Guy’s Campus and the King’s Building are lovely, I’m not sure the rest can match up to those pillars. UCL WINS

Who has the best mascot?

Awesome lion? Or headless dead guy in a cupboard (yes, I know Jeremy Bentham’s important)/random guy in a kilt nicked from outside a shop? I’m not even sure what Phineas is to be honest. Anyway, Reggie wins, and those cute little cuddly versions they sell in the KCLSU shop win even more.

KING’S WINS

Reggie the Lion himself

Who has the coolest alumni?

Anything UCL offers under this category will be immediately discounted due to the fact that without UCL, Coldplay would not exist – thank god!

KING’S WINS 

Who can argue with Olympic Gold?

 

Who drinks the most alcohol?

Breaking news: students like drinking. But who drinks more? Well, there’s not much in it, but UCL clinches this one with a liver-disintegrating average consumption of 15.6 units a week: about 5 pints or so.  King’s aren’t far behind with an average of 14.3, but it looks like UCL students are the ones partying hardest (or just drowning their sorrows because they’re at UCL, who knows?).

UCL WINS

Standard Monday afternoon at UCL

Who drinks the most tea?

Something else students like to drink is tea: a much more academia-friendly beverage, I’m sure you’ll agree. As we’re assessing two of Britain’s top universities here, this a very important comparison. King’s students enjoy an average 1.71 cups of tea per day, however, UCL students aren’t so keen with 1.28 cups a day. Maybe they ran out of biscuits.

KING’S WINS

Who has the most down to earth student body?

Well, there’s not much to choose between them, but the King’s student population is made up of 28.7% private school pupils whilst. UCL is 34.7% private school students. However, I’m going to cut the stereotype here because it’s not a private school education that makes a student a stuck up tool, as funnily enough being a twat is not on the curriculum anywhere. So, in this light, I shall award a point to both KCL and UCL for mostly being all round great guys regardless of educational background.

Still nice guys

IT’S A DRAW!

UCL: 4

KCL: 5  

So it’s official: King’s is clearly the better choice. However, if you prefer sex, alcohol, architecture and Coldplay, then UCL is waiting for you.