Twitter: the most cringe social media site of them all

It’s full of idiots using pointless hashtags – here’s some of the worst


Imagine the horror on my face when I discovered the company I’ll be interning with this summer had read my Twitter account.

“Oh balls – I’ve embarrassed myself before I even meet them” was all I could think. I ran to my computer, quickly made my account private (why didn’t I do this before?!) and then preceded to scan through my 2000+ tweets to assess the damage done to my reputation.

What I realised, however, was that, other than a few fattist comments, I hadn’t divulged anything too controversial.

In fact, my Twitter history portrayed me as a rather mundane, easily distracted student who compulsively has to enlighten followers on my random thoughts. I mean, who needed to know that the ice lolly I was trying to eat just got stuck to my lip? No one.

Having thoroughly cringed myself out, I then started to Twitter-stalk some of my followers. In the reams of monotonous, meaningless rambles, I came to see Twitter for what it really is: a facet for the bored, the self-deprecating and the downright mean.

Aside from occasionally sharing an intriguing article or re-tweeting an illuminating nugget of UberFacts information, most of us Twitter addicts fall into the same traps. We like to tell everyone just how dreamy Jude Law is, how hanging we are from the night before, or how awkward the moment is. This inevitably results in a tirade of uninteresting and predictable tweeting.

Fair enough, it’s difficult to stand out when you’ve only got 140 characters to play with, but here’s a list of the top 10 tweets that we should all avoid.

#gym

What’s the best bit about working out? Is it the gym bunnies you get to perve on whilst you’re on the treadmill, or the feeling of satisfaction once you’re done? No, of course not – it’s telling everyone you went in the first place (complete with muscly arm emoji). Tweeting a pic of your rock hard abs might get you some attention, but telling the world you just went hard at the gym? No need.

Need I say more?

#bed

This is a personal favourite of mine. So luxurious is the feeling you get when you snuggle into warm, clean bed sheets that it’s hard to resist sharing your satisfaction with everyone. But the generic bed tweet serves no purpose whatsoever other than to make everyone else feel as sleepy as you are.

Twice in one week – oops.

#sob

“I’m genuinely embarrassed for some people with the stuff they put on here” was what one of my follower’s had to say. It seems that lots of us like to pour our hearts out to Twitter but deep tweets are embarrassing, provocative and attention seeking.

Twitter isn’t therapy.

#enroute

Truth is, unless you’re an unfortunate loser who doesn’t leave the house, you’re likely to be going somewhere. Most of the time it takes a bit of travelling to get there, hence why so many of us like to reassure Twitter that we’re en route. However, unless you’re “Mars bound”, this standard tweet doesn’t carry much weight.

A classic en route shoutout.

#alltimelow

That heart-wrenching moment when you realise you’ve become a monster, a shadow of your former self. That existentialist “what have I become?!” dismay. Oh yes, this is an absolute classic that I’m sure we’re all guilty of, yet saturating Twitter with sudden bouts of despair isn’t exactly helping the cyber world to become a cheerier place.

Some fab hashtagging right here.

#bored

The daddy of all pointless tweets. Because hashtagging “bored” is really going to make your life so much more interesting? I think not. We need to put an end to this predictable ranting – if you’re really that bored, go write a book or climb a mountain (other less ambitious options will suffice).

So are we Tom…

#blues

Another favourite of mine. Whether I’m feeling sentimental over last summer’s antics or craving a trip home to the countryside, I turn to Twitter as my most loyal emotional crux. I’m not alone. Lots of us like to express our blues to the world for no apparent reason but it’s getting boring.

Guilty as charged.

#lucky

Ok princess, so you received flowers from your adoring other half or a new car for your birthday and you’re feeling blessed. But, in reading about your luck, everyone else is feeling increasingly bitter about their own lack of it. So let’s keep these tweets to a minimal, or Twitter’s going to get competitive.

When the bragging gets nasty…

#embarrassed

Or, even better, “embarro”. So you fell down the stairs or the window cleaner caught you in your birthday suit? As if these awkward situations aren’t cringey enough, you like to humiliate yourself further by telling the world just how much of a fool you are. Makes sense.

Made even worse by the wink.

#eyecandy

The most likely of tweets to be traced back to a session in the library. Indeed, random people acquire newfound attractiveness when we’re in the depths of study boredom and procrastination. And what better way to appreciate the chiseled hunk sat opposite you than tell the Twitter community?

It’s a sad day when Senate House lets you down.