The worst things about living in catered halls

The ugly feet, the small rooms and the awkward yet constant social interaction.

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1. The feet

flip flops

Bad move

There are few things as unsettling as strolling into the dining room of a Saturday morning, head throbbing with that post-Friday feeling of a ULU induced hangover, and being confronted with an abundance of flip-flop clad feet being paraded about the room ,as if it is in any way socially acceptable to sport a flip-flop in the chill of mid-winter. How difficult is it to slip on a pump, throw on some trainers, slide your toes into some comfy slippers? No one’s thinking, ‘this brunch is tasty but boy do I wish there were more feet on display.’ Oh, and the feet don’t just make an appearance at meal times, they’re also ever-present in the lifts. Nothing quite like looking to the ground to avoid awkward eye contact and inadvertently finding you’ve got a front row seat to the toe show. Let’s be honest with ourselves, nobody trustworthy actively likes the sight of feet because there is no such thing as an attractive foot. So remember halls residents; when it comes to flip-flops, nobody wins. Save the toes for home.

2. Queuing

As a nation, we do have a particular fondness for forming an orderly queue, but there comes a point when every meal time starts to resemble the check-in line  for Ryan Air, the only difference being that when you get to the front, instead of a holiday you’re presented with whatever’s left from the long list of food that other people didn’t want. Moreover, during my time in halls, I discovered a new breed of people- the shameless queue jumpers. It’s not that I can’t sympathise with queue jumping when it’s done on reasonable terms, such as in the queue for a club, when the rain is pouring and you just know that your hair’s about to do something transcendent … However, it goes without saying that meal times are a level playing field. We all know that people get a little angst when they’re hungry, so a little mutual respect doesn’t go a miss. Don’t fight the queue, enjoy it.

Too many bodies

 3. Fire Drills

The bane of halls life, especially if you were a Canterbury resident circa 2012-2013. They happen often. They last for hours. It’s almost always snowing. There’s never any actual fire. Oh, and god forbid they happen when anyone is already awake.

Always fun

4. Halls events

Strange occasions that force together a group of people who all know each other, who all live with each other, and who have already chosen to actively avoid each other because you’ve already chosen your friends ,and it was awkward enough the first time you met.

And why is there always somebody that no-one recognises…?

5. Rooms too small to pre-drink in

Room size- a fundamental problem faced by almost every halls student. Arriving on your first day at halls, having packed all of your hopes and dreams into the car, you feel optimistic and excited about the new life you have planned for yourself in the big city. Sadly, your room isn’t a room at all, it’s a store cupboard, so you’ll just have to send half of those dreams back home with the parentals, along with the plans you had to host a small rendezvous in the hope to make a few new chums. After several attempts to mingle with the masses, you begin to understand that only the most intimate of occasions can be hosted in your room.  It’s a sardines-in-a-can situation and you just have to deal with it or face the awkward splitting of the common room between several groups. And all 7 of its chairs.

Spacious

6. Keeping your rooms locked and secure is vital. And it’s a 24 hour job.

You’re always hearing about things going missing from people’s unlocked rooms, so you must remember to keep everything under lock and key, as well as making sure that those keys, with your room number embossed into them to ensure extra security, do not go missing. And remember never to fall asleep in an unlocked room.

School boy error

 7. People just love to mingle

Living in halls leads you to discover that people don’t necessarily understand the unsaid social rules of life like you do. For example, for some reason that I was unable to fathom in my first year of university, there are a number of people who seem to be under the impression that mingling at breakfast is not only a welcome idea, but also a great way to make friends. I cannot stress enough how inappropriate it is to approach someone after they have clearly just arisen from their slumber, and attempt to make conversation. Unless you have important- and I mean REALLY important-information to divulge, just let your fellow residents be and take their lack luster responses as they were intended; as conversation closers.

The lifts- a prime place for mingling en-mass.

8. The awkward morning cleaning session

Finally, we reach the aspect of halls life which every catered-for student must endure on a daily basis (excluding weekends). The daily morning room cleanse. There is nothing worse than being woken up in your already confused state, wondering if you are in fact in your own room and how you got there, by the loveliest of cleaning ladies asking to empty your bin. First you feel the shame, then the immense remorse that it should fall on the shoulders of this innocent woman to find you in this state, as you become suddenly aware that the room is littered with post-lash pizza boxes and a variety of bottles. Then, you notice her twitching her nose and become sickeningly aware that the room is probably not smelling its best, and that she’s now trying her utmost not to judge you for it. The fact is, this woman is like your guardian angel, eradicating all evidence of your raucous behavior the night before, but you know that you can never truly thank her because every time she visits you, you are either in a severe state of confusion, running late or fast asleep.