The year of the bush

Cameron Diaz, who condemned Gwyneth Paltrow’s ‘70s bush’, has revoked her previous statements and has recently likened removing one’s lady garden to saying ‘I don’t need my nose’. Similarly, American Apparel has shaken things up. You’ll still see mannequins in the usual sheer skivvies but with one, clear difference: the merkin. A pubic wig.

The merkin was traditionally used by prostitutes after shaving their furry love muff but American Apparel has used them to draw attention to our nether regions. Of course, they have been criticized for that “rawness and newness” that they hope to highlight. We hear the regular condemnations of child exploitation, exploiting and conning children into following ‘degrading’ trends. However, the merkin has a deeper meaning.

Merkin mannequins @American Apparel, Photo by Jen Chung, Gothamist

A friend of mine, Clara Bennathan, recently wrote an article for Bad Housekeeping, ‘Violence, Teenagers, and Gonzo Porn’, in which she suggests that boys are brainwashed by porn into thinking that they have the right to have sex with any girl they choose. Similarly, we are brainwashed by constant ‘perfection’ propaganda into thinking that having the leafless bush is the only way to go about having a successful sex life and by extension, love life.

Women and men alike are constantly scrutinized by society: she’s too fat, he’s too short…OMG my arse is so flat today! Many of us will remember those embarrassing moment staring waist-down in awe: the moment when we were told by seemingly wiser school friends that it was time to deal with the peach fuzz attracting itself to our nether regions. These words became law. It became routine. It became convention.

But what if we weren’t under so much pressure to conform to the social norms? I’m not saying that we should all throw away our razors and run through the streets with our push-up bras clasped in hand. Let’s face it, that is never going to happen while Kim Kardashian’s butt/butts is/are on display (constantly). But, what if we just relaxed a little? I mean, maybe not shaving our legs seven times a week. Think about all the money we could save! (Boys, I’m talking to you too…happy trails and all.)

The Princess Diaries

That’s right ladies…wax it off and then cover them up!

Let’s talk dirty

Many of us fantasise about our ideal sexual partner who would have the perfect body, including hair to skin ratio- I’m guessing you’re imagining it right now, in which case I bet your image doesn’t have much hair below the eyebrows. Admit it. However, others actually find the all-encompassing birthday suit a turn on. So, why do we knock it? Whilst some libidos may not respond well to the sight of anything remotely furry (perhaps due to convention), couldn’t we just as well learn to accept that some of us don’t get our kicks from the look of a child-like front bottom? It’s unfortunate that looking natural has become more threatening than defrocking, practically de-humanizing our bodies. LET’S RETURN TO NATURE, PEOPLE (if you want to, that is)!

And as for any of you who think I’m barking up the wrong bush, take a look at what your peers think:

Q. Are you yay or nay for the bush?

A: 2nd year Politics student (straight female)

I’d go for a Brazilian wax “when I’m getting action”, still trimmed when I’m not. When it comes to guys I hate shaved so just a bit of a trim but keeping “the general idea”.

Neat and trimmed when I’m not getting any action

A: 2nd English and Communication student (straight female)

Off for me. A bit on guys is manly!

Fair’s fair!

A: 2nd year French student (straight female)

I shave all mine off. I feel like I have to :/

Having to bow to conformity?

A: Final year European Studies student (straight male)

I’m all for the yetti

A: 2nd year History student (gay male)

No preference.

A: 2nd year French student (straight male)

I definitely prefer a hexagonal shape for all pubic hair. If not that, it needs to be quite flamboyant. Multicoloured/neon is always a goer and don’t even get me started on vajazzles.” (we think he’s taking the piss)

A: 2^nd year Classical Studies and English student (straight female)

I’m a massive yay for pubic hair. There is a mutual consensus in my household of 6 girls: all of them prefer pubic hair, 5 of us untrimmed, 1 trimmed. 3 with boyfriends who prefer/don’t care about pubic hair.

A: Final year Spanish Student (straight male)

I’m yay, all the way. Go mental.

SO, is this going to be your year of the bush? Girls, be kind to your cave of wonders. Treat them well. Boys, don’t expect girls to get rid of the goods if you won’t do the same.