15 reasons why Maughan library is the worst place on earth
Welcome to the world’s most needlessly complicated library.
Maughan: so impossibly illogical that you have to rent out an audio guide. And then the joy of finding 10 copies of every book you’ll never need (ever) and not even a record of the compulsory ones on your reading lists.
There’s an endless list of things wrong with Maughan, but here’s our top 15:
That’ll be ‘Mourn’. (Oh thank you perfectly apt adjective). Bear in mind, however, that it’s a rite of passage to talk about going to the ‘Morg-an’ or the ‘Mow-an’ before being laughed at by a group of second years. Don’t worry kids, you’ll take their place soon. Very soon.
2. The audio guide
The fact that there’s an audio tour. 2am in exam season and I can’t find that elusive book on Spectroscopy. I’ll just grab that audio guide, shall I?
Here’s a little example of the thrilling script:
Impossibly enthusiastic Man: “We’re taking the lift!”
Female library bud: “Not the one in the small lift lobby we’ve just passed, but one of the lifts in the main section. So, make your way back into the main corridor…Go past the staircase with the red walls and walk along the corridor until you get to one of the main lift lobbies again”. Simple.
3. The subsections
WHAT GENIUS WOULD SEPARATE A SUB SECTION INTO ANOTHER SUB SECTION?! More importantly, PA (part)…WHICH PART?! Cue existential crisis.
4. There’s a training room?
Who knew Kinetic Gym was now synced with the Maughan? Head on over to Room 1.23 guys, you’ll find a fully equipped Training Room. Think Deadlifts and Danté. I may be wrong, but let’s hope I’m not.
5. The numbering system
That’s totally normal. PR 470-PR 888.Q. I mean you do logically stop after 888.Q. So, of course, the logical follow-on is PS 3564. By the way, if you needed something between PS 1 and PS 3563, quite frankly, you’re fucked. Don’t worry if you feel like collapsing in tears on the floor below any one these signs – we won’t judge you and we won’t question you. We all understand. We’ve been there man.
6. The Carrels…
Because the word Carrel will never go out of fashion. Just tell your friends they can find you at one of Maughan’s Carrels next Friday night. #YOLO.
7. Just this.
8. It’s actually a prison
We didn’t really need a reminder that we were in prison. But cheers for the consideration. Totes appreciated.
9. The hallway
Welcome to the hallway. On the left you’ll find PR 3721 and on the right you’ll find HB 99.5. No, the logic is there, you just have to find it. Existential crisis part 2 ft. all humanities students EVER.
10. Far much?
Since when did you have to walk over 10 minutes to get to your own university library? Since you started at King’s of course, silly!
11. It’s in what section?!
Sorry but why would you think K would have its own section?! OF COURSE it’s shelved in Law Books 1.35. Don’t even get me started on JX or JZ. Have you been living under a rock? As the red arrow indicates, you can GTFO.
12. It never has what you need
No, we really do need 7 copies of that book and 5 copies of that one. Oh, by the way, I also needed that compulsory one from my core reading list. You don’t have it?….but you do have a review of it. Cheers. Amazon? £68. FML.
13. It has too many of the books you really don’t need
But don’t worry, there’s always multiple versions of ‘The juvenile sex offender’ in stock.
14. And too many of the videos that you really shouldn’t be watching.
Shrek and his many pearls of wisdom.
15. Even Maughan knows Maughan is shit.
And a very thoughtful hint given by the Maughan itself. Don’t worry about getting up on the ledge, the ladder is provided. Gratis.