All the mistakes you should have avoided during Freshers’ Week

I was once a fresher, and anyone else who was too will know that it’s not all fun and laughs. There’s a million things going through your head in that all-important first week and mistakes are almost too easy to make.

You’ve probably made at least three of these errors, so here’s a little reminder of all the things you should have been wary of.

Not asking the right questions

“What course are you on? Where are you from?”

This conversation is strictly for ice-breaking. Otherwise, it’s just boring. No one actually cares about which course you’re doing. Oh, you’re from London? Yeah, so is half of Essentials. Ask the right questions. Marvel or DC?  Playstation or Xbox?  Yours or mine?

It’ll make you far more memorable than a random name during a number-swap outside Mungo’s.

Sharing bottles, sharing tongues

“Achoo! Freshers’ flu!”

If you believe you have found ‘the one’ in Venue, chances are you haven’t. What you have found is a breeding hive for Freshers’ flu. It is a symptom of being overwhelmed by contact with a variety of germs from a variety of places. Sharing drinks and kissing can both tempt fate. This explains the sniffling noses you see behind the textbooks fresh out of Blackwells. That slobbering mouth reeking of Red Bull better be worth it.

Are you the prick that draws dicks on drunk people?

It’s weird. You’re taking advantage of an inebriated being, who probably bought your drinks, and trusted they could crash in peace around you. Why would you even do this?

Taking your debit card on a night out

“It’s cool. I have an overdraft.”

Your drunk decision to buy everyone a round might have been generous, but it’s also going to have you eating Super Noodles for weeks. The pin-pad looks blurry and you’re hoping that the barman has truthfully charged you as you try and enter your pin without looking drunk.

FFS

Sleeping with housemates

“Do you think they heard us?”

They’re two doors down, they’re giving off vibes and it all seems really convenient. It’s bound to go only one of two ways. Either, you’ve just committed to a year of avoiding them in the kitchen, or you’re about to embark on an intense if not claustrophobic fully blown relationship.

Getting lost

Rutherford and Elliot don’t get any easier, even after you’ve been here for more than two years. But getting lost during Freshers’ can be a nightmare, especially if you’re in town which seems like a world away from campus. Remember landmarks: shops, pubs, cathedrals. This will make it far easier to navigate around Canterbury.

Taking the theme too far

If you want to be taken seriously for the next few years, don’t be the guy who gets pictured wearing full uniform to the ‘Skool Disco’. Freshers’ Week throws a multitude of fancy dress events at you, but it’s a huge giveaway of your first year status if you’re stood like a lemon dressed in all tight and bright at the neon party.

Attending every organised Freshers’ event

In the same breath as over-egging the fancy dress, another crucial error in judgement is often assuming that every Facebook event with ‘freshers’ in the title, is obligatory. No, you don’t have to go on the guided tour of the library, nor are you expected to pay £8 for a shite Carnage top and equally shite bar crawl. Save your money and dignity for events later in the year that won’t make you doubt your decisions to come here.

Gaining a stone in a week

For the first time ever, Mum’s not there to ensure you’re getting five-a-day, and even better, there’s this thing called a kebab that costs peanuts and tastes like a dream in your frailest state. When gym memberships are £200+ and you can get two dominoes for the price of one on a Tuesday, the choice doesn’t seem too hard.

Burning all your bridges at the first social

You signed up for lacrosse, thinking you’d be set for life with mates, a fitness regime and something really #uni for your CV. The cruel reality is that you went in hard at your first social and got completely dicked on for being a fresher. In attempts to look cool and unfazed by downing multiple snakebites, you found yourself obliterated in the venue toilets.